Despicable Me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 55
Despicable Me
I have tried and tried, so many times to rid myself of alcohol, I have always been a closet drinker, hiding my vodka from my wife. In late June, she came home early from work (I had also left early because I was so drunk), and found me passed out on the kitchen floor. That was it, the end, she had figured out everything I was hiding. She looked into my credit card transactions and seen LCBO after LCBO. it all clicked in for her. I had told her several times before, I thought I might have a problem, but she would always say, you can handle it, it’s fine, it’s just a phase, whatever. So after she took away the credit card, I stayed sober for about 2 months. All was well. Then, one day, it hit me, I could use my points/rewards cards to buy LCBO gift cards and away I went. Somehow during this, I convinced her to give the credit card back, then the cash advances started. Pfft, like she wouldn’t understand what those were for? This past week, I got caught again, I was too drunk to handle myself, just at home after work, I stumbled around a bit. But she knows to keep a keen eye. So any little stumble or slur... She has taken away the credit card again. Today.... I drove all the way home on my lunch, while my wife is working and the kids are at school and I robbed my youngest sons piggy bank for cash.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I've hit some pretty low bottoms in my drinking career.
Stealing from friends and pawning everything I owned.
I once sold a friends car, that she had entrusted me to watch, for scrap.
I've lied, cheated and stole. All for the sake of king alcohol.
If you wish to quit, you've found a great place for support.
Welcome. And I hope you stick around.
Stealing from friends and pawning everything I owned.
I once sold a friends car, that she had entrusted me to watch, for scrap.
I've lied, cheated and stole. All for the sake of king alcohol.
If you wish to quit, you've found a great place for support.
Welcome. And I hope you stick around.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 55
Of course I want to quit, as I stated, My one wish, is that no one browses these forums thinking, I’m not as bad as that guy. Because that will be your downfall. Do NOT let yourself become so involved and addicted as I have. I was just like you, I read other people’s horror stories and convinced myself, I wasn’t doing anything THAT bad. Over time, I have become that bad.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
Have you thought about a plan to sober up? It's a pretty big lifestyle change I had to change a lot of my routines and have backup plans in place to avoid the mind traps that caused me to pick up again (and again..)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,517
I think you can stop drinking, right now, today, if you are motivated to do so. Get rid of the alcohol in the house and don't buy more. Plan to fill your day by spending time with family, exercising or doing anything that will take your mind off alcohol for awhile. Each day will get a bit easier.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Or, you could put it back.
Don't worry about me. I've hit some pretty low points but haven't had a drink in nine and half years.
I think a lot of people, here and elsewhere, have also hit bottom.
So they can relate. I was as bad as you. Worse. But I had no one to answer to. Except myself and drink came first. While active, that's all that mattered to me.
I really had to quit drinking, and all the miser, defeat and remorse couldn't make me stop.
I took action.
I do hope you stick around. You'll find a lot of non-judgmental support here. And in AA if you really want to get sober and go to any length to get it.
Don't worry about me. I've hit some pretty low points but haven't had a drink in nine and half years.
I think a lot of people, here and elsewhere, have also hit bottom.
So they can relate. I was as bad as you. Worse. But I had no one to answer to. Except myself and drink came first. While active, that's all that mattered to me.
I really had to quit drinking, and all the miser, defeat and remorse couldn't make me stop.
I took action.
I do hope you stick around. You'll find a lot of non-judgmental support here. And in AA if you really want to get sober and go to any length to get it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,680
Go to a meeting
Keep posting
We all did horrible things to family., friends and workmates when drinking. You have the opportunity of turning this around. Get outside family support. See a GP and a counsellor. Do a rehab. It is worth it.
I quit a job with tenure, dropped out of a doctorate program, then the next 15y were spent drinking my way out of clinical depression by reaching oblivion. I burnt to death- literally 3y ago- and lost my family- wife, sons, bro, my career, health and home- all gone. For a time I was homeless.
This is put here- yes to shock, but also to tell you that you do not have to go that far..you can stop boozing if you get help- and have a daily plan, support process and are willing to commit.
My prayers and support to you.
Keep posting
We all did horrible things to family., friends and workmates when drinking. You have the opportunity of turning this around. Get outside family support. See a GP and a counsellor. Do a rehab. It is worth it.
I quit a job with tenure, dropped out of a doctorate program, then the next 15y were spent drinking my way out of clinical depression by reaching oblivion. I burnt to death- literally 3y ago- and lost my family- wife, sons, bro, my career, health and home- all gone. For a time I was homeless.
This is put here- yes to shock, but also to tell you that you do not have to go that far..you can stop boozing if you get help- and have a daily plan, support process and are willing to commit.
My prayers and support to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Rough and sad. But I did things just like that, most of us have. As horrible as it feels, you aren't alone or, to be honest, all that special in your depravity and selfishness. It's a place I've been, many times.
But you can get out of it, if you want. You have to work. You have to realign your values and your options. Seems to me like you might lose it all if you keep down this path. Again, this is not coming from a place of judgment - I too almost lost it, could have lost it all. AA not working is no excuse, plenty of us, myself included, did it without AA.
Sounds like you have a wife who might be a great support here. I hope you can do the work you need to do to get sober. You'll find the life you are able to lead is remarkably better in each and every way.
Good for you for posting and being honest. Time to get to work.
But you can get out of it, if you want. You have to work. You have to realign your values and your options. Seems to me like you might lose it all if you keep down this path. Again, this is not coming from a place of judgment - I too almost lost it, could have lost it all. AA not working is no excuse, plenty of us, myself included, did it without AA.
Sounds like you have a wife who might be a great support here. I hope you can do the work you need to do to get sober. You'll find the life you are able to lead is remarkably better in each and every way.
Good for you for posting and being honest. Time to get to work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 55
I am home from work now, making lunches and dinner, cleaning up, as I always do. I should be fine now. If anyone reads my first post from months ago, my work is my main stresser and brings the desire to drink. Being home makes me happy and I feel no need to drink. That being said. I’m an addict and I can’t put the money back, because I might need it tomorrow during work. It is rough and sad, as was said.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
I am glad you're here, UhOh. Alcohol takes us to the lowest places imaginable, and under its influence we can do horrifying things we never thought we were capable of. Believe me, I never think 'I'm not as bad as he is;' I have done many things for which I am deeply ashamed; I can't change them but I can make sure they never happen again by guarding my sobriety at all costs.
It doesn't have to be this way, though. Make a strong plan for sobriety: use all the resources you have and be willing to do whatever it takes to get sober, whether it's AA or some other support. ( I needed inpatient rehab.) This place has been a vital part of my getting and staying sober, and I hope you stick around and keep posting. Best wishes.
It doesn't have to be this way, though. Make a strong plan for sobriety: use all the resources you have and be willing to do whatever it takes to get sober, whether it's AA or some other support. ( I needed inpatient rehab.) This place has been a vital part of my getting and staying sober, and I hope you stick around and keep posting. Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
Originally Posted by UhOh 
I’m an addict and I can’t put the money back, because I might need it tomorrow during work. It is rough and sad, as was said.
If you don't have that money it'll be harder for the AV to get you tomorrow.
I imagine it'll probably feel good to put it back and that can help too.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
UhOh - I'm so glad you posted. You're in good company & we all understand.
I was despicable many times - the complete opposite of the real me. I let my craving for alcohol lead me to places I never dreamed I'd be. I drank 30 years, & in the end it was all day. I hurt & confused everyone I knew. I had to stop or I was going to lose my life. I don't know why I clung to it for so long, thinking it was helping me cope! You can get free - you can reclaim your life.
I was despicable many times - the complete opposite of the real me. I let my craving for alcohol lead me to places I never dreamed I'd be. I drank 30 years, & in the end it was all day. I hurt & confused everyone I knew. I had to stop or I was going to lose my life. I don't know why I clung to it for so long, thinking it was helping me cope! You can get free - you can reclaim your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 55
I am so Ashamed of myself. I don’t like to feel this way and I know if I quit, I won’t have to feel this way again. The kids are running around happy and my wife seems.... ok. But all I can think about is my next fix of vodka. It’ll pass in time, I’m sure. I’ve heard it all before and still can’t stop. I’m a complete disaster.
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