PalmerSage

I completely agree with Poppy46. There are definitely pros and cons to trying to recover alone vs. with lots of people around you. If everyone else was just focused on being understanding and focusing on your recovery, that would be great. But in my experience, it can be a lot to try to recover with other people constantly relying on you for so many things (spouse, kids, aging parents). They are dependents, they sometimes nag and expect you to spend your time making things up to them, and may constantly and actively even sabotage your efforts to be sober. The point is, the grass isn't always greener.

Stayingsassy

Mine was awful. I feel it dissipating now, at 49: less interest in shallow things, in my image, in fleeting things like youth.

So: what do you want out of life?

Cause go back to drinking and there's no hope of moving past window washing and roommates.

Although: there isn't anything wrong with that, is society feeding you a message that it's wrong how you live? What is actually the problem with a well paying job and sharing rent, and going out to meet people?

How do you envision yourself? Are you artistic? Do you love the outdoors? Fitness? What are your passions?

Drinking is just an easy out to avoid answering these questions for yourself. and if you are an alcoholic, going back to drinking wipes out the possibility of getting those answers. which is easy also: but kind of tragic, if you really think about it.

DontRemember

I'd suggest seeing a career counselor and figure out what you'd like to do that's actually feasible...also..100% let go of the hope that you can drink again.you'll drive yourself mad daily with that train of thought. Otherwise..hit up that rooftop bar for some beers and see where ya end up..pretty sure you already know the outcome of that.

wastedpotential

Its also pretty scary I'm 33 with 7 months sober and don't want to be back here in 2024 trying to get sober before I hit my forties.

Like sobersolstice I keep having those thoughts you can have one or two, you can control yourself blah blah. We all know where that would probably lead, straight to 2024.

Also like sobersolstice I keep having all those racing thoughts of what I could do differently. Even though I actually came up from nothing while drinking. I still feel I could of done even better if I wasn't drinking every night all those years. Which leads to all the racing thoughts, like you should do this with your business, you should do that with the business, you should just sell the business and start this one or that one.

So I don't think its necessarily a mid life crisis, just the things our mind does to us without the alcohol. Sure not going to stop me from making improvements and moving forward though. Just trying not to make any rash decisions.

tekink

It took me longer than seven months to learn how to be sober. At 7 months it was still something that I thought I missed and seemed to put some clouds over me regarding those fun times I'd be missing out on etc.

After about 13 months things changed for me. I had become used to being sober and it wasn't a big deal anymore. I think learning to be sober was a big part of it for me. I had been sauced for so long that I simply didn't know what it was like and my brain was afraid of being in unfamiliar territory.

Alcohol doesn't actually help me complete any tasks or do anything different than I would otherwise. It was just something to do to fill in time between other actions.

Eddiebuckle

Wasting, I was 43 when I got sober. Took me a year and a half to get a job, but ever since I got sober things have improved. I got married (first time) at 48 and am humbled to have found someone who loves me as I am. But the one thing that you mentioned that has been consistent since Dec 2009: first things first. My sobriety is the most important thing in my life, and is the foundation on which all these good things rest. For me, AA's program is the way I stay happily sober - find what works for you and work it like your life depends on it.

Good luck - you can do this!

sobersolstice

Thank you all for the varied and helpful advice/thoughts.

I'm not drinking, and strangely had physical symptoms that may be in line with PAWS. In any case, that, in concert with overcaffeinating myself likely didn't help. It hit when I felt like all was good, and wasn't thinking about alcohol for a good week or so. Like a neuro-hacker.

My peer group had really always been in their 20's with the silly times that I personally don't want to be regretful about. I'll say with honesty, it was fun, but stunted my growth in so many ways. Much of those days were spent on the road.

I miss those days on the road, but know that location, and even daily freedom to that extent isn't the regression I want to seek. I've already been there. I do remember that it forces structure, so I'll keep that in mind.

I cleaned my closet out and organized it. Steamed my carpet. I feel better, but entropy is forever present.

Time management is still a struggle. It's a habit that didn't go away with the booze. I procrastinate sleep because I feel like I'm wasting time laying down, and usually end up in some internet wormhole. I've been googling and youtubing morning and evening rituals and routines, and it's a tough start. I see other people my age doing it on point, and it feels foreign to me.

My frame of thought is definitely from a different perspective, so embracing sobriety is the only direction I want to continue moving toward. It's just tough feeling like a 41 yo kid..

Eddiebuckle

Time management is hard to make a habit - I made a routine for my days in early sobriety. Alarm went off a six every morning, regardless whether it was a weekday or weekend. I went to an 8am AA meeting about 40 minutes from my home, and went to it Monday-Friday. I did dishes after every meal so nothing would be left in the sink when I wasn't cooking or eating. Laundry twice a week, etc. I would also keep a list of all the one-off things I had to do and try to cross out two every day. And I went to bed at 11pm every night.

My approach may be a little too structured for some, but I found it helpful to have a routine and an ongoing list of the things I needed to accomplish. These days, my routine is less structured, but I find that I do best when things are generally predictable. Hope this helps!