Fearlessat50

It’s no wonder I stayed sober last year. Life was suddenly good. I didn’t have stress. This year, starting a few months ago, I’ve had all kinds of work and personal stress. Due to the cumulative stress, it wore me down and I started to feel triggered. I’ve managed to get through it all. But today I had unusually intense cravings. There’s been a combination of extremely good and extremely bad events. I never thought of it before but I think I am triggered by good things happening too. I guess it goes back to my college days and the work hard play hard mentality. After every midterm and final we’d celebrate by getting hammered. The good today was a six month construction remodel project was completed and it made me so happy I wanted to drink. What the heck!. Then for the bad, I talked to my dad and he is experiencing dementia early signs and just at the stage of awareness and he is very depressed about it. To see this strong man in my life break down like this is horrible and sad. The combination of everything today has really made me want to drink. Anyone have this experience and any advice.

rayna87

I definitely have this experience. Good, fun things happen...birthdays, football games, friends in town....we drink. Bad things happen...bad day at work, people being stupid...we (well, really just me)....drinks. I’ve been at the low point where a paper cut or hitting my toe would be enough to set me off into a bottle....meaning, I needed no real reason, good or bad, to drink. I’m in no current position to give any real advice, given my multiple setbacks, but just wanted to say that I understand and you’re not alone.

bexxed

I’m so sorry about your dad. I went through that with my “surrogate mom” and it was awful.

I was drinking then, and now I really wish I’d been more present for it, to be the person I could have been for her. Instead I felt sorry for myself to have to watch someone I loved so much experience such a painful demise. Like it was something that happened to me and not her. It’s one of the things I had a very hard time forgiving myself for when I finally got sober. We make things about us that are really not about us.

Drinking didn’t change it - it just made me more distant and while I’ve forgiven myself, mostly, I still regret that I wasn’t there for her in her weakest hours, the ways she was for me.

Congrats on the completion of a huge project, that’s great!

B

Snowydelrico

Yes I have this although the strength of the feeling passes as you learn to cope with the realities of life.

My father has dementia also.
It’s his 80th birthday on the 10th and he doesn’t even know who I am.
I know a drink won’t help me cope. It will make wind up not being able to get out of bed through alcoholic depression.
He’s being looked after and he’s healthy physically and that’s the most I can hope for.
My mums on her last legs too.
Sadly this is all part of life and having a drink doesn’t help it would just get me to the stage they are at quicker.

Hang in there things do get easier as you grow as a responsible adult. Being present is the best thing you can do. You’ll figure the rest out as you go.

Best wishes

doggonecarl

There are countless people handling similar situations--or worse--sober. So can you.

Remember, trigger is the word our addiction uses for excuse to drink.

Fearlessat50

Thank you! This is exactly what I needed to hear- I needed no real reason good or bad. Just a reminder to me that this is what alcoholism is and this is exactly the mentality we are all recovering from.

Fearlessat50

. I completely agree. I went through this with my cousin who died from cancer a few years ago. In his last days, I would pick up a bottle of wine on my way over to his house and down it while sitting with him right there. Since the cancer had spread to his brain, he had no idea who I was and I doubt he was aware or cared that I was getting drunk in front of him even though he was a long term recovered alcoholic. The wine helped me cope but in the long run, it made everything worse. I wish I had been there. It will be different with my Dad. I owe him that respect. My Dad’s had a hard life. Been through so much. Despite this, he’s never escaped into alcohol or drugs. He’s always done the best he could. We’ve had our issues and he’s made mistakes. But he’s still my rock.

Fearlessat50

Thank you, Snowy. I’m sorry what you are going through too. As Doggone says, some people cope with a lot more stuff and get through it sober. Your situation is worse than mine and yet here you are going through it sober. It puts my own situation in perspective and inspires me. So many of us at this time of life watching our folks age and go through this. It makes me so sad. I’m glad my Dad was healthy when my mom passed and I did t have to see both of them go through this at the same time. Take care.

Fearlessat50

Indeed!

Fearlessat50

Whew! That was a little close. But this morning, that urge has passed. Glad I hung in there. Glad I came here to vent. Feelings come and feelings go. Thanks everyone and happy Friday! I will be taking the day off work today, plan to make a big healthy breakfast and sit in my newly remodeled kitchen

entropy1964

Oh yeah. For me any powerful emotions can make me think 'hey, drinking, why not?'. But its just a thought. It doesn't have to take root.

My parents both have dementia. I'm heading there again on Tuesday to help my brother who is their primary caregiver. My other brother just moved out so I know the one left behind is very stressed. And he has some pretty intense mental health issues so its a bit of a cluster. I have to help him find in home care and choose their new insurance. Its really tough. We are trying to keep them in their house, which for now is working. My father is a severe alcoholic, 87, so if anything his 'situation' is a very powerful example of what alcohol can do to the human brain. My Mom, a heavy drinker/daily drinker. I can't help but think that her situation is also because of her drinking but who knows really. She is losing language which is the hardest thing to watch. Poor thing. But I have to remember: This is happening to them, not me. It is stressful but this 'process' of leaving this planet happens to all of us. I guess I just hope I can help them keep some of their dignity....its sad for sure.

Hang in there. You are habituated to drink. I don't know how long it takes but its normal to have those knee jerk reactions to situations and feelings that you would normally drink over. But they are just thoughts.

Gottalife

This aspect of living sober was well known quite a while before AA was formed and it was one of the premises of the Oxford Groups. It is written about on page 13 or 14 of the big book, the point in Bill's story where Ebby lays out what is required to stay sober. He used the term "faith without works id dead." He said the "If a man failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through self sacrifice and service to others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead" .

In essence he is saying two things. Firstly that life is going to throw up some problems for all of us, and secondly, that external events are not enough to make us drink if we are in fit spiritual condition.

I only really discovered this passage after the death of my wife and I was rather surprised to find that it never occured to me to drink. Not like I beat off the thought, just that it never came to mind. A friend of mine with long sobriety got the same news at about the same time and drank immediately. The reason we had such diferent reactions seemed to be in this passage.

I have had a few things happen in my life that might have been "drinkworthy". At seven weeks I was fired from my job and had all my gear stolen. A few months later I was kicked out of a relationship and shortly after that my child was aborted. A number of people died. My cat was run over. Some people didn't treat me very well. Really just life problems, and never once did a drink come up as a possible solution.

But then again, I never drank because of problems, I drank because I had enough money and once I started I couldn't stop. I have had a few problems today which have been annoying because there is not much I can do about them where I am. But that's life. Nobody guaranteed me a problem free existence.

Fearlessat50

Frickaflip, thanks! This family stuff is hard. I feel like a whimp hearing yours and others stories. But it does give me resolve that if others are going through similar things and staying sober, I can do it too. Yes, we are all going through this cycle of life.... birth and death, health and illness, gain and loss. All create such powerful emotions. But sober is always better

Fearlessat50

Wow, Gottalife! That’s a lot to deal with. I am going through the Big Book and I read that recently. Thank you for pointing out it’s relevance to this topic. I am going to embrace this for today. Spirituality is really important!

Dee74

I'm sorry about your dad fearless, but I'm glad you're still with us, sober

D