Originally Posted by
bexxed 
I’m so sorry about your dad. I went through that with my “surrogate mom” and it was awful.
I was drinking then, and now I really wish I’d been more present for it, to be the person I could have been for her. Instead I felt sorry for myself to have to watch someone I loved so much experience such a painful demise. Like it was something that happened to me and not her. It’s one of the things I had a very hard time forgiving myself for when I finally got sober. We make things about us that are really not about us.
Drinking didn’t change it - it just made me more distant and while I’ve forgiven myself, mostly, I still regret that I wasn’t there for her in her weakest hours, the ways she was for me.
Congrats on the completion of a huge project, that’s great!
B
. I completely agree. I went through this with my cousin who died from cancer a few years ago. In his last days, I would pick up a bottle of wine on my way over to his house and down it while sitting with him right there. Since the cancer had spread to his brain, he had no idea who I was and I doubt he was aware or cared that I was getting drunk in front of him even though he was a long term recovered alcoholic. The wine helped me cope but in the long run, it made everything worse. I wish I had been there. It will be different with my Dad. I owe him that respect. My Dad’s had a hard life. Been through so much. Despite this, he’s never escaped into alcohol or drugs. He’s always done the best he could. We’ve had our issues and he’s made mistakes. But he’s still my rock.