The inner demons that cause alcoholism
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 118
Originally Posted by MantaLady 
Like you say Bunchie, there is no recipe it is a myriad of issues. Getting counselling or therapy usually leads to people realising that they do have resentments, fear and self pity but they don't recognise it. Fear of living a sober life and not being fun anymore, self pity as they want to stop but can't seem to do it "why me" and resentment towards others that can drink normally.
Another thing that is important to accept for me is the "why" doesn't really matter, it's the "what am I going to do about it" that is the most important. The "why" causes you to look backwards, when the best kind of recovery and the most effective is concentrating on the now, the present, not the past, not the future, just the now. That is where we can all find a bit of inner peace
xx
The only analogy I can think that might make sense is lets say you tripped over a shoe in the hallway and broke your leg. What matters is accepting and knowing your leg is broken, and then working out how to fix it. Spending time wondering why you fell over the shoe, or why you didn't put the shoe in the hallway cupboard doesn't really help anything. Hope that makes sense lol.
Another thing that is important to accept for me is the "why" doesn't really matter, it's the "what am I going to do about it" that is the most important. The "why" causes you to look backwards, when the best kind of recovery and the most effective is concentrating on the now, the present, not the past, not the future, just the now. That is where we can all find a bit of inner peace
xxThe only analogy I can think that might make sense is lets say you tripped over a shoe in the hallway and broke your leg. What matters is accepting and knowing your leg is broken, and then working out how to fix it. Spending time wondering why you fell over the shoe, or why you didn't put the shoe in the hallway cupboard doesn't really help anything. Hope that makes sense lol.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Bnchie, one other thought....I heard early in to look for similarities to not differences from others. When I do this, I hear a lot of the same "story" and it's just the details or trimmings that differ. Another reminder is the saying not to compare another persons outsides with my insides. We never truly know what someone else's situation is which is why the BB tells us we are better off minding our own. At the end of the day, there can be as many types of alcoholics as there are alcoholism but we all still have the same basic disease.
The term spiritual malady....sometimes I think of it in the context of people who will tell you things like it's not a drinking problem we have, it's a thinking prblem. For me, nce I accepted that drinking had t go, I was left to figure out how to fix my thinking. That's what really got me in trouble, not the alcohol itself, which was my vehicle of choice.
It has taken me two and a half years to learn a lot of things about my disease, myself, and what I want my life to look like (and don't!!) and it is a lifelong progress of getting to a better and better recovered state.
The term spiritual malady....sometimes I think of it in the context of people who will tell you things like it's not a drinking problem we have, it's a thinking prblem. For me, nce I accepted that drinking had t go, I was left to figure out how to fix my thinking. That's what really got me in trouble, not the alcohol itself, which was my vehicle of choice.
It has taken me two and a half years to learn a lot of things about my disease, myself, and what I want my life to look like (and don't!!) and it is a lifelong progress of getting to a better and better recovered state.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 149
August 25th,
I agree with your assessment, I just think that the way to become sober for alcoholic's is different for everyone, I am trying AA but i am getting lost in the spiritual philosophy which it adheres too, I love the fellowship and the compassion the people I have met , have for newcomers, but I think there is a lot of abstract thought ( psychology, philosophy, religion, )which is hard to comprehend for a new member trying to stay sober to tell you the truth. Some members have told me I have to find out why I drank so much so I can work on fixing it, and others have told me to forget about why and how I am alcoholic and look forward on maintaining sobriety. I will sort it all out with time, I think it is like starting a new job , I am taking in too much all at once, I should just slow down and breath and enjoy a new sober day .In time I will not wonder why or how, I will just know I can not drink which is fine with me.
I agree with your assessment, I just think that the way to become sober for alcoholic's is different for everyone, I am trying AA but i am getting lost in the spiritual philosophy which it adheres too, I love the fellowship and the compassion the people I have met , have for newcomers, but I think there is a lot of abstract thought ( psychology, philosophy, religion, )which is hard to comprehend for a new member trying to stay sober to tell you the truth. Some members have told me I have to find out why I drank so much so I can work on fixing it, and others have told me to forget about why and how I am alcoholic and look forward on maintaining sobriety. I will sort it all out with time, I think it is like starting a new job , I am taking in too much all at once, I should just slow down and breath and enjoy a new sober day .In time I will not wonder why or how, I will just know I can not drink which is fine with me.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I think you are spot on abou it taking time.
Everyone has a different progression through the steps. As alcoholics we tend to be an impatient lot and I know I wanted to get well physically and move along in other ways, and had to just acccept e annoying thing people told me, i.e. Time takes Time.
My suggestion is not to get stuck on figuring it all out, nor on overthinking it. Yes, AA is a spiritual program but it is also and sometimes as or more importantly a smoke program for living.
Everyone has a different progression through the steps. As alcoholics we tend to be an impatient lot and I know I wanted to get well physically and move along in other ways, and had to just acccept e annoying thing people told me, i.e. Time takes Time.
My suggestion is not to get stuck on figuring it all out, nor on overthinking it. Yes, AA is a spiritual program but it is also and sometimes as or more importantly a smoke program for living.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 205
Originally Posted by bunchie
others have told me to forget about why and how I am alcoholic and look forward on maintaining sobriety.
Reasons for drinking are so multifaceted and ever evolving, the reason why you may have started drinking might not be the reason you continued drinking. The repetition of putting the drink to mouth over and over is the one constant, the reasons for that whether that is emotional, psychological, conditioned or simply pleasure are complex. The one constant you do have control over going forward is not lifting that drink to your mouth.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Great therapy thread.
I became addicted to booze unknowingly. I learned about addiction and fought my way out.
Now it is currently, because i could relapse, a lifestyle decision I see as ultra positive.
I still crave daily but I don't drink any more. I don't like what it does to me. Plus, I am fortunate to have had lingering issues, that are slowly dissipating, to remind me to never drink again.
Plus sr reminds me daily.
Thanks.
I became addicted to booze unknowingly. I learned about addiction and fought my way out.
Now it is currently, because i could relapse, a lifestyle decision I see as ultra positive.
I still crave daily but I don't drink any more. I don't like what it does to me. Plus, I am fortunate to have had lingering issues, that are slowly dissipating, to remind me to never drink again.
Plus sr reminds me daily.
Thanks.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Above, I meant SIMPLE program for living!
There is a saying in AA that can seem contradictory: take what you want and leave the rest. Its intent is not tisuggest you pick and choose the steps you like. Rather, it is to help us understand that finding what works for us to get and stay sober, then follow the suggestions (they are not rules, if you understand the BB correctly) for living (see steps 9-11 then the u,timate, 12) and that varies person to person.
My program is not the same as my husband.s for example. Yet we discuss and learn from each other and most importantly stay and work o grow in recovery.
There is a saying in AA that can seem contradictory: take what you want and leave the rest. Its intent is not tisuggest you pick and choose the steps you like. Rather, it is to help us understand that finding what works for us to get and stay sober, then follow the suggestions (they are not rules, if you understand the BB correctly) for living (see steps 9-11 then the u,timate, 12) and that varies person to person.
My program is not the same as my husband.s for example. Yet we discuss and learn from each other and most importantly stay and work o grow in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
It amazed me after I quit when I realized how much of my problems were because of my alcohol soaked brain and my bad behaviour. Sure I've lived through legitimate trauma, but I wasn't really drinking over my feelings, I was drinking because I was an alcoholic. I didn't need a reason to drink. I drank because I drank. My problems, both real and imaginary, mostly disappeared once I put a cork in it.
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