l0nely

Hi

I am trying to be sober from alcohol again. I struggle to get past the first month but I've done it this time and am a month and 3 days sober.. Now i'm struggling though. The memories of the pancreatitis or withdrawals have faded and the main issue is I'm lonely, hence the name. I have bipolar and im currently depressed, which means im not enjoying anything and the days are so long. Filling them up with drinking and blocking it all out sounds so tempting. I am going to a recovery place for a few hrs a few days a week so the evenings are the hardest. I haven't yet told them how I'm struggling, I think because part of me wants to get away with having a drink.

ChloeRose63

Glad you are here! Come join us on the Sober Bus!

least

Welcome to the family. I hope you don't give in and drink. Use the support here to counter the urges to drink.

John65

Hello there, welcome.

Well done for getting past the first month, I think that's quite significant. I too am bipolar so I understand the difficulties well but for me alcohol just made my bipolar far worse.

Even though your memories of pancreatitis and withdrawals have faded for now, if you start drinking again it probably won't be long until you are experiencing both again.

Try and check in on here regularly, we're a friendly bunch and please try and talk about about things at your recovery place, I think that would be good for you.

Good luck and take care.

J

Anna

Welcome,

Good job getting to 1 month and 3 days sober. Is your bipolar being treated? I hope the depression eases and you can find enjoyable things to fill your evenings.

l0nely

Yes I have had pancreatitis twice now, and I get gastritis a lot too, I've been warned it will probably turn into chronic pancreatitis and that sounds really hard!

I've decided I will tell them tomorrow, so i just need to get through tonight as tomorrow evening I am off to a new social thing and will spend the day at the recovery place. i'll see how it goes though.

l0nely

Yes, I have just started a new tablet to go with the ones I was already on called lamotrigine/
Unfotunately they have to get it into my system slowly so they said I won't feel much effect until about mid september? I'm finding that hard to deal with.

DreamCatcher17

Welcome and congrats to a month! That is great!

When I found myself feeling "lonely" I had to find a hobby. I had to learn to be good with my own company and know that I am enough. Once I am good with my own company, I may look for another to join my space but until then I am enjoying the ride alone and filling my time with books, painting, some TV and doing a lot more things with my son.

Best of luck to ya,
DC

SoberYogini

Congrats on over a month! The hardest time for me was the first 30 days. I am now at almost 4 months and one thing that has got me past any cravings was letting go the romance I played with drinking in my head. I would use those memories of shame spirals, horrid hangovers, sickness and depression remind me of how much worse drinking makes my life. Good luck! Keep on just choosing to not drink moment to moment day by day.

Hevyn

It's so good to have you with us. You're never alone.

l0nely

I do have some hobbies but im just not enjoying anything at all at the moment and this is why im finding things particularly hard. But your right I need to learn to enjoy my own company and that is what ive been working on. Before i felt so depressed I wasnt finding any of this so hard.

teatreeoil007

I'm sorry you're feeling depressed right now. Been there. It's awful! I don't want to pry, but are you being treated for your bi-polar? If so, with what? How long do the depressive episodes usually last?

You will not be lonely here and glad you've found this forum.

Writing is a great outlet. Come on here and read and post. Someone is always around on this world wide forum.

Pancreatitis is awful. Never had it but know some folks who have and it's miserable. My BIL was hospitalized with it last year about 2 weeks before he was supposed to get married. Second marriage and they already live together....so they had to postpone the wedding.

l0nely

I've just been started on lamotrigine, but they have to build it up in the system slowly so they said it'll take until mid september to be at a theraputic dose. so its good they are trying something new but it also feels frustrating its going to take that long. I'm also on aripiprizole, trazadone and gabapentin for anxiety. Im mostly low mood, with dips even lower and the occasional manic episode. Currently definitely in the even lower mood. i'm struggling to interact face to face but im hoping tonight i enjoy a social event and that helps lift me a little. if i cant enjoy it i'll most likely feel worse but ive got to try!

pancreatitis is the most painful thing ive ever been through!

Gerard52

If you have had pancreatitis you are playing with fire, it will come right back with vengeance. Acute pancreatitis is a medical emergency and kills quite a high number of people. If you survive an acute episode it can turn chronic and leave you in constant pain with nasty flareups, unable to digest food properly for rest of your life. Drink in that condition you won't last long.

Dee74

Welcome l0nely

not sure who they are? the people at the recovery place? sounds like a great idea to let them know you're struggling and get some help?

D

l0nely

Yes, I dont plan on drinking, im just struggling mentally and im aware this is a risky time. I've reached out to my alcohol worker today and that was hard but ive done it. not heard from him yet. And I made it to a thing called cook and eat and the recovery place, but then my anxiety got bad and i left.

l0nely

Sorry they would be my psychiatrist and psychiatric nurse. I also have an alcohol worker so I have quite a lot of support. I just need to let someone know im struggling which i've struggled to do, but i've done it now.

John65

That's good to hear, I'm glad you managed to talk to someone about it.

How are you feeling today?

apollo986

Congrats on on 30 + days- What a tremendous accomplishment! I started noticing a significant drop in my anxiety/depression levels at around 60 days or so. You're very in recovery so be patient and know that everyday you are healing.
Day 109.

l0nely

im ok, i just dont feel safe from myself. my alcohol worker just replied tho and asked to see me at 4pm which is 2 hours away.