Meraviglioso

Wow, I have so often said that there is no situation you can get out of, no reason to drink, but I was recently presented with a very tough situation and want to recognise it.

I was called to one of the villas I manage, ignorer to interpret for the owners, speaking to the cleaning lady about the fact that it appeared that she was padding her hours. it was stressful and uncomfortable on both ends. I had to be both the bad guy and the good guy.

The conversation ended and the owner or also known as my boss, went inside and came back out with three poured glasses of wine. He presented them with the declaration "let's celebrate that this is over and please tell me what you think of the wine, I want to leave a bottle for our guests"

I felt so stuck, more than ever before. I took a small sip, with pain, it was awful. I felt pushed to finish the glass. I didn't want to. But this was my boss, what could I say??? It was truly unexpected and awful. I went against my better judgement and had a sip. I didn't know what to do.


My question to you is, what should I have done? I never want to me in that situation again. Help me please.

Nonsensical

"That was so kind of you, but I don't drink."

doggonecarl

Said no.

Sorry, I really don't understand the difficulty you are having with this, with turning down a glass of wine. Are feelings so much more sensitive in Italy, the feelings of the person offering the wine, that is. What's the worst that could happen?

Worse than what did happen?

Dustitoffman

Straight up and assertive is important I think.
Sorry I don't drink.
Sorry but I have given up with the empty palm facing forward. Like a policeman stop
Hand signal.

What's done is done but you will need to be strong if you wish to build sober time.

People can be quite pushy sometimes so it's best to keep it short but not rude and shut the situation down and move on to another topic ASAP. 😳

Dee74

I think Nons nailed it - be as polite as you like but I don't drink covers it.

Sometimes people, maybe even important people, won't like that. Too bad for them.

I won't sell my soul again.

I understand you're in Italy, I understand the culture may be different and I understand your boss may not be pleased - but I think he'd be a good deal less pleased with you and your job performance if you were to start drinking again.

Carl laid out an interesting question Mera - why was this so hard for you, do you think?

D

DreamCatcher17

Politely declined.
I feel like the door is now open and the offer could happen again.
Stand strong and firm within your sobriety, if you can't who will for you?

tomsteve

My question to you is, what should I have done?

it reads like you made pleasing others( being your boss isnt a good enough excuse) over the importance of your recovery.
so making your sobriety more important than pleasing people would have been wise

Banjoist

In a world where Muslims, Mormons, and some baptists don’t drink due to religious reasons and LOADS of people abstain for health reasons I think “no thanks, I don’t drink” is perfectly acceptable.

ChloeRose63

I would have said "no" to the wine but would have gladly toasted with a glass of water (or whatever) and left it as that.

apollo986

Mera, I just tell people that alcohol ruins my sleep therefore I don't drink.
With that said, I can understand the spot you were in.

Healthyandsober

I feel you I think part of you caving is you worry about what other people /boss think about you. Also you may not want to be perceive as different or that you have a problem. All that reasoning is just irrelevant because you need to focus on recovery and thats hard work so all this noise is distracting you of your goal.(recovery)

Its all good you will get there (I hope I get there too) just keep trying. Hopefully one day we will be both saying proudly "no thanks I don't drink alcohol is a gross toxin that destroy lives and peoples souls. I'm good thanks, (or something along the lines LOL)

Healthyandsober

So next time agree with everybody just said simply "no thanks I do not drink" once is out things will keep moving and people won't offer again and to hell to what they think.

Anna

No, thanks! That's all that is necessary.

Mera, if you put your needs first, it would be easier. You know you can't drink, and really who cares whether it bothers your boss that you didn't drink his wine. You are the one who matters.

lessgravity

Mera you are too intelligent and experienced for me to believe that you didn't know what to do in that situation. The simplest explanation, even to the Queen of England upon her opening a bottle of Château Cheval Blanc 1947 to celebrate you getting to know each other, would suffice:

"Ah, I'm so sorry. I appreciate the gesture, but I don't drink."

Healthyandsober

Damn I am a cheap drunk (Château Cheval Blanc 1947 ) my DOC is yellow tail

sorry Less had to make the joke but I get your point. It is not simple though I am sure Mera knows whats good for her but she is also an alcoholic so any excuse can be a good excuse even if it is a subconscious excuse. ha ha

ThomPom

I had such situations and I handled it this way:

In cases I felt insecure I most often used a prepared story that ist polite but understanable and strong. It's about my health.

I would say to my host "Thanks, Sorry, but i don't drink I have to get my liver parameters back in check, they were way too high at the last test some weeks ago I have a doctors appointment in two weeks to check again."

This argumentation line also refocuses the conversation from alcoholic mood and "oh just have one sip, let's have all fun" to a serious matter nobody wants to go on with.

It is also not so much about what you tell him at this point, but what you tell yourself, that has to be clear and strong. This way you wont get into any discussion (with yourself). It helped me on some occasions.

If your host asks further questions, I answered something about "I had some serious food poisening (mushroom soup) or maybe i had too much of the booze, i don't know, but I want this back in check."

least

Next time just say, no thanks, I don't drink.

John65

I would have no problem saying I didn't drink but if I had to make an excuse I'd just say that I was on medication that you can't drink alcohol with.

tekink

It gets easier to say it also so just get it out that first time. I found that no one really cares.

ScottFromWI

You should have said no thank you, or just raised the glass and put it back down.

Problem is you will be in that situation again, so you are going to have to learn that your sobriety is more important than pleasing others.

You also have to learn that all that pressure to drink the glass of wine was really coming from within your own mind, not from other people. The decision was completely yours to make one way or the other - and you can just as easily choose not drinking over drinking. What other people think is irrelevant.