zacf3108

hi SR
I'm on day 2 again told myself all day at work I would go to a meeting but my bottle went before and I never went. I don't know why I struggle with meetings cos everyone's friendly and makes me feel welcome the thing is I really struggle with social things without a drink that's what I think caused my problem with alcohol but I know I can't try it on my own again because it never works for me. I'm thinking of trying to get a few weeks sober before I start back so my anxiety has calmed down a bit what do use think?

kevlarsjal2

You could go and maybe tell people that you are really anxious and would prefer to just sit and be quiet? I didn't share at my first meeting either cause I was too overwhelmed and anxious. They'll understand, most people there have been in a very similar situation before

doggonecarl

I had to overcome a lot of fears to get and stay sober.

Why don't you start with this fear.

Forward12

There is no obligation to say anything and you can just sit there at AA. You can also schedule an appointment with an addiction therapist to have a one-on-one approach.

Ringo123

Bigger meetings just might be helpful as one can "hide' a lot easier in big meetings. Go right before it starts and right after the ending prayer. It's a start.

Smaller meetings are usually more intimate. Yeah, get a few days sober and please go back.

Bird615

I went to AA to get sober, not the other way around.

I agree that people will most likely be very understanding. I was also shy and nervous, so I didn't force myself to say much or even anything at all for a while and that was ok. Doing that also helped me to listen better instead of sitting there trying to think of what I was going to say and missing most of what was said.

What if you didn't look at it so much as a social thing, but rather like something you need to get well? There's nothing wrong with showing up and just listening.

Mango212

I'm not alcoholic. I'm a family member of an alcoholic and it took a lot to get through the door to Al-anon meetings.

Strange enough, these fears are a normal part of this family disease of alcoholism.

It sucks. It might help knowing it's a symptom that can be dealt with.

Lots of good strategies mentioned above. I've also heard of calling the phone number associated with a meeting to first meet someone one-on-one in person and possibly having this new contact go to a meeting with you. It's totally acceptable to say "pass" if the direction of the meeting comes your way. In this small word comes a lot of overcoming fears for me. To be accepted, right where I am.

D122y

Zac,

Most of not all of my anxiety was caused by drinking.

I remember I used to feel ok, then I would get wasted. I would have balance issues and paranoia for a few days after.

When I finally quit for good, i had to work through it and now I am on the free side.

It took several months

Thanks.

least

I'd suggest you conquer your fear and just go. I think you'll find it can be a big help to getting sober.

tomsteve

LOVE AND FEAR AS OPPOSITES

All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in its own right.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49

"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there." I
don't know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly
indicates clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself.
I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the
mere presence of it made me a coward. I didn't know that one of the
definitions of "courage" is "the willingness to do the right thing in
spite of fear." Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear.

AnvilheadII

if it helps, do a little drive by stalking first! get to the meeting location, check out the parking lot, access to the building. watch other humans come and go. getting to meetings early, well before start time, isn't a bad thing in many ways....fewer people for sure, you get a chance to get coffee and scope out seating, maybe even HELP set things up. then you can be safely in your spot as more folks show up............remember every single person is there for the exact same reason.

BDTL

Alcohol is what you need to fear and look at AA as your comrade. You can do this so make up your mind to sit quietly in your first few meetings and enjoy the wisdom you will gain.

Dee74

Some good advice here Zac - why wait to start your new life?

D

Numblady

Agree you probably shouldn’t wait to go to a meeting. That doesn’t seem to be working super well. I have not been to AA much but I think it’s an amazing resource. I sort of happened into meetings with speakers, which meant no one talked at all really except meeting leader and helpers plus speaker. I was still admittedly petrified when I had to raise my hand that it was my first meeting. They gave me a phone list and I texted one of the women and told her thanks for introducing herself because i was so nervous. She said, “nothing to be nervous about. Just us drunks and addicts.” Not that no one would ever judge you but of all the rooms you can enter, seems like the AA rooms are some of the least judgmental if that helps a little to tamp down anxiety.

Buckley3

Nailed it.

It's a game of expectations. You need to realize that there will be some anxiety. The first time you step in a meeting it might creep you out. Heck, it might turn out that particular meeting isn't for you. Or maybe that particular brand of a plan isn't for you.

But you'll never find out if you stop going and keep drinking.

The single and only immediate non-negotiable action is to not drink. And it doesn't require action. Everything else is just a step by step experience, picking up a small win here, grabbing another there. Pretty soon you have something. It happens faster than you think.

But you have to start with not drinking.

Meeting sucked. Didn't drink.
Triggered my anxiety through the roof. Ate ice cream, didn't drink.
Rested for two days to get past the anxiety and feeling overwhelmed, didn't drink.
Tried another meeting, was a little better, made me think. Didn't drink.
Printed out the DMV form to get my license. Triggered my anxiety. Went to bed and binged Sober Recovery posts. Didn't drink.
Actually went to the DMV to get my license. Didn't drink.
Anxiety is less now that the DMV thing isn't hanging over my head. What's next? Didn't drink.

See a pattern here? I hope so.

-B

Gerard52

Zacf3018, I would not delay and go to meetings. Over my last 2 weeks at daily meetings the number of people sharing in meeting that they can't deal or don't feel comfortable with people I cannot count, but it is a common theme. These are ones who have longterm sobriety.

August252015

Delaying AA kept me drinking for a very long time. When I finally went, it was that or...nothing. It was weird and even stuff like the Serenity Prayer made me mad! That's how much I needed to be there.

AA is truly what you make it and for me, that was a life raft. I hope you just go, and I know that "ten thousand lb telephone (or, meeting)" can seem terrifying.. it gets easier, better and now, for me, routine and welcome in my schedule.

Keep us posted.