Dee74

Hi sokatie - I think it's a process.

I obsessed about drinking for years, then obsessed about not drinking, and then, finally, found some peace.

support helps as does the process of building a new sober life you love

It took me about 3 months to start to find some peace, but I think that was pretty good given the decades I drank and drugged?

Hang in there, have faith - it does get better

D

ramius

That's a really good way of putting it.

Berrybean

There is a difference to dedicating time to recovery so we can live free from the obsession to drink, and living with the obsession to drink. The former can be joyous and rewarding. The second can be crippling.

Thing is, when I first stopped drinking I didn't have any recovery tools build up. I was just 'staying sober'. This was okay for a while, giving me time to build up my recovery toolbox, but wouldn't have been any good to me long term.

Working on my Recovery was what helped me stay sober long enough for my obsession to drink to lift.

BB

soberista

Wow! Thanks for sharing that as I would never have thought about it not having had that addiction and therein lies the answer. The brain becomes addicted to whatever the substance is. In the same way I dont ever think Jesus I could murder some crack right now! So I'm sober nearly 7 months. Dont really think about it daily but every now and again it crops into my head. Yesterday I had an interesting one. Drove past the pub and people having a drink outside in the sunshine. AV brain pipes up just one looks nice....hmmm...i go through the tape..dont do one blah blah blah...its quite rare now. Maybe once every few weeks but I feel now I stay more on point with it. I keep coming here for a number of reasons. I read every now and again about someone who is like 3 years sober and falls off the wagon and how that happens, how the AV brain takes over and I read newbies working at getting sober in the initial stages and it reminds me of the path I have trodden and how I am glad and fortunate to have got to this point in my sobriety. Keep going. It does feel difficult and thats why it is one day at a time. It will get better and at the 6 week point I found my thinking started to change, become clearer, and life gets so much more worthwhile. Check this out for inspiration.
https://www.thedodo.com/videos/close...ved-each-other

entropy1964

I totally understand your line of thought. When does this just stop? And I think you've received a lot of good answers.

Like tomsteve said, it shifts from an obsession to just a thing....at least that's how it is for me. I have an AV, it sometimes voices its needs. But I won't feed it. I don't want to drink. Knowing this it shuts up. Any reservations or possible contingencies to not drinking, the AV latches on to these and the obsession returns.

But I'm here right? So obviously, I'm thinking about not drinking. Saying that I'm not would be, uh, a lie. But I think about lots of things in my life that require daily commitment. I work out daily and I think about fitness a lot. I eat right to support that which requires shopping lists, finding the best products at the best prices. I pay bills which requires financial management and responsibility. I'm a parent. Which requires patience and sobriety and emotional maturity. Gotta think about that one pretty much constantly. Not drinking is just on the list of disciplines that require my continued focus. I can't unlive my alcoholism so my recovery is part of the fabric of my life. I accept that.

sokatie

I am overwhelmed by this feedback. Thank you all. I was sober for a few weeks when I first came on here, then drank heavily for the next two weeks....now I'm 5 days sober. Bear with me, I'm going to post several questions to individuals that responded. Again, thank you all.

sokatie

Least, you said it took awhile, but after several attempts, you quit for good. Is there anything you can point to that was a turning point or did you just keep trying? I'm a yo yo.

sokatie

Rustygolf, is this your first time trying to quit? Do you have a "plan"? I keep seeing people ask that and I'm not sure exactly what that means.

sokatie

LessGravity, I see you joined 5 years ago and now you're sober 3 months. Did you leave and come back here? Like I previously said, I'm a yo yo. I feel like that must be normal. My question for you is, are you doing things differently this time around and what are you doing different? I think that is my major problem. I keep trying, but get the same results. I'm looking for the "different" think that will make the difference but it frightens me because I think that may mean a huge change that will affect much more than my not-drinking status.

lessgravity

From what I've learned here, and having gone to AA meetings here and there, the "yo-yo" is more than common, it's almost a rule for addicts who want to quit.

I joined in 2013 and have come back and left more than a few times. You can check my posts - it's pretty clear! It used to be very frustrating for me to go back and look at my old posts. I would feel defeated by my attempts at sobriety. But I also think that my AV would use those attempts - and instead of me saying to my self "Wow, you keep picking yourself up, you keep trying. Good stuff. It's clear you want this...", my AV would say "Oh man, you are just going to drink again. How pathetic. Might as well have one right now..." I think it's important to look at the yo-yo'ing as proof that you want this - you want to get better and be better etc.

As for what is different - I have just accepted that I can't drink any thing, any more, ever. I wish I could say exactly what it is that has clicked for me this time. I don't know though. I think it's that I've finally grown up to be honest (yes I know, grown up at 41yo, but hey better than never). I am finally acknowledging that I need to own up to my life, that making it better for me and my family etc is within my control.

I think I also was just sick of what you describe - just sick of the back and forth.

It's clear you have the same drive within you.

I found Rational Recovery to be of great help. Often times I was asked by people on this site if I had a plan. Those questions used to bother me. Now I see their value. So, do you have a plan?

sokatie

BiminiBlue, Tekink, Gerard52, Dee, Hevyn - and really everyone that posted an answer, I think I'm understanding something significant from your responses and that is I've been drinking for most of my life so I can't just expect to not think about it in just a short time. To DogGoneCarl's point, just stay sober sounds like a great answer, but how to do that is SO HARD.

sokatie

LOL, LessGravity, I don't really have a plan yet. I always thought people meant AA when they asked that question, and I have tried AA several times and it isn't for me. I'll re-visit Rational Recovery. I remember when I found that before it was somewhat helpful. Sadly though, I think my plan has to include making a much bigger change and it is killing me. My husband is my best friend and he is an alcoholic. I don't blame him for my drinking, but I really can't live with him and stay sober myself. As I'm typing this I'm weeping because this really just hit home.

lessgravity

I'm so sorry to hear that. I've been through some of that pain many years ago. Suffering is not an option in this life, I'm afraid.

Sending you best wishes and strength.

Hevyn

Well done on your 5 days, sokatie.
My husband was an alcoholic too - he is now deceased. We were extremely close. I would never have believed that what started out as a fun adventure could end in such pain & loss. I'm glad you're here to talk it over - you're never alone.

sokatie

Thanks Hevyn. I'm very sorry to hear about your husband. I'm very close to mine too most of the time. I can't imagine losing him, and that is why this is so hard.

Right now I don't have any desire for a drink but I'm very upset because I can't decide which is more important; staying with my husband or staying sober. Thanks for your just being here.

2ndhandrose

I am doing both.

Staying sober, 3 1/2 years now, and living with my active drinking husband.

In the beginning, I thought I would have to choose, but as I went deeper into recovery, I learned how to let him tend to his side of the street. It wasn't easy and I spent a lot of time on the friends & family side soaking up the wisdom there

I am glad I didn't make any rash decisions in early recovery.

tekink

It took me a long time to be able to stop thinking about alcohol. I just did my best to preoccupy myself. I'm not so social but my drinking life largely was so I did all I could to stay home. I thought about meetings for a while but I really just wanted to be at home.

It was obsessive in my mind but with time it went away. Honestly for the first year it was really all I could do to simply not drink. That was my goal and that was my focus.

My plan was to note the things that led to prior relapses (I've had my share of them) and avoid those things. If I was in a place where alcohol was around me I made sure to have some kind of out. It was a little hard for me as I built a life that has me surrounded by alcohol. I'm sitting in the back office of my bar right now! Chef is out with a knee issue so I've been in the kitchen full time for a while. Just making sure the guys are ok for the night and I'll be out.

Spending 60-70 hours a week in a bar adds an interesting dynamic to things, but it's pretty rare to see me on the dining room side these days. Before I'd be at the bar all night.

I had to quit due to liver issues. High liver enzymes, black tarry stools every time for 18+ months, a bad bile taste in my mouth that didn't go away unless I was sauced for nearly as long. I didn't go for more liver tests I was scared. Took me over a year to even try to quit. I found my liver problems january 2015 and haven't drank since feb 17.

All those symptoms are gone, I'll go back and get a blood test soon. I got some scary voice mails from the dr and never called back!

I knew what was going on already.

least

I just kept trying til the morning I woke up sick of my life and knowing I couldn't go on that way any more. I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. And that's what it took.

One of the things I did to strengthen my sobriety was to practice gratitude every day. Try that instead of thinking about drinking.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

neferkamichael

Sokatie, after about a year the desire to drink went away and now I've been sober 8 years. Add up all the money you've spent and think about the things you can have with the money you've saved by quitting. Rootin for ya.

Auchieshuggle

A really good question. I just asked the same thing in another thread.

Is there a way to subscribe to threads when using a mobile (cell) phone?