wpainterw

Am deeply depressed about personal family matters. My wife has cancer fears, which may be well justified. She said that she did not expect to live more than six months. And I am worried about our sons and grandchildren, the terrifying world that they may have to live or die in if things continue as they are. Thank God for my sobriety, now approaching 30 years. I feel no cravings at all. Just don't want to live much longer after my wife is gone, But I must live, for my family, as long as I can.

Bill

least

(((Bill))) I'm sorry you're feeling low. If I could reach thru the screen, I'd give you a big ol' hug.

Dee74

Hi Bill

I'm sorry for your depression.

Not to downplay your sadness, but whenever I get despondent about the world I remember my old Granny who was born into a world where cars airplanes and telephone were in their infancy and computers did not exist.

She lived through one of the bloodiest and most troublesome centuries ever - the Depression, WW1, WW2 Hiroshima, the Cold War- but she had faith that good people would continue to thrive.

I choose to believe that too.

I wish good health for you and your wife Bill.

D

Gilmer

(((((((Bill)))))))

wpainterw

Thanks so much you all! I'm feeling much better today. Blood pressure a little elevated and am seeing my doc this afternoon. Spirits much better. Taking it slow and easy. One day at a time. Focussing on living in the Now. I have so much to be thankful for. Dog (my nurse) doing a fine job. He's got all four feet on the ground.

Bill

DontRemember

Unfortunately there's nothing we can really do about the world,Bill and to be honest, I don't have much hope for the millinials(no offense to anyone). They seem too occupied by their phones to worry about much,besides what the phone tells them...I'm only 42 and that's my outlook. My thoughts(I don't pray) to your wife and your family.

aasharon90

May your faith strengthen you and guide
you with each step and breath you take.

Remember your purpose and reason
why you are here today, sober, alive,
living on the recovery foundation you
built 30 yrs ago when you put your
addiction to rest.

Use your physician to keep your health
in check and continue to reach out for
help when needed. SR is a community
filled with love, care and compassion.

Rar

I'm sorry you're sad Bill. Sending support and cyber hugs. ((BILL))

wpainterw

Thanks again everyone. And aasharon90, a special thanks to you. You echo my thoughts entirely. We are sent here to help others,and particularly folks like us, not "drunkards" but, rather, in the grip of a frightening, life threatening illness for which we are in part responsible. And we are responsible for a plan to recover and for sticking to that plan. If that continues we can regain our souls, be happy. Climb the mountain together.

Bill

wynwrights

Sending my very best to you. Life can occasionally be incomprehensible and sometimes, I think, it’s enough just to sit and let that realization sink it. I admire your fortitude.

wpainterw

Thanks so much Dee! I was born in 1927. Like your grandmother I lived through the Depression and WW2. I also lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis (in which on one Friday afternoon I seriously thought that my family and I would be killed in the next thirty minutes). I lived through the Korean War and Vietnam. I now try to focus on living in the NOW. And I pray to my God or my Higher Power that what I fear will not happen.

Bill.

Anna

I'm really glad you're feeling better today, Bill. I hope that you give yourself credit for having offered so much support and love to our members over the years. That's something you should be proud of and feel good about.

I hope your wife's fears are unfounded. My father lived for 10 years after my mother died and he was very unhappy. I tried multiple times to get him involved using a computer, but he stubbornly refused. I'm glad that you are computer literate and that you use SR as a kind of second family for yourself.

wpainterw

Thanks Anna: Yes indeed I do use SR as a kind of second family and I love you all so much! I am reasonably computer literate for my age and indeed I am rather addicted to my computer. Alcoholics, when they recover, tend to become addicted to other things, persons, pets, etc. (Like the late Caroline Knapp, author of "Pack of Two"). I am addicted to my cocker spaniel. A dogaholic! For this addiction there is no cure. Just another dog. Like the joke "It's turtles all the way down!" for me "It's dogs all the way down!"

Bill.

wpainterw

Since it is shortly before 5.00 A.M. here in Massachusetts, I shall make this short. I continue being angry about the last two weeks. I have trouble sleeping. I have had a disastrous and life threatening tooth extraction due to improper medication. Had to rely on myself. Undermined my confidence in doctors. Although I am merely a "patient" I have the right, the obligation, to live. That is what I was sent for. As I have perhaps tediously said, I have no cravings to drink. I am determined to live until what may become the end. And thank God I can rely on you, my family.

You have my complete respects, and thanks.

Bill.

Gilmer

And you certainly have mine.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your health troubles Bill.

D

yinzer

Bill, you are an inspiration to me, and I’m sorry to hear of your troubles. I hope you can find some joy today.

wpainterw

The late Ernie Kurtz coauthored a book on "The Spirituality of Imperfection" (He also wrote a fine history of AA). His point in the first book is that a person should not expect perfection. Imperfection, even failure, is the way folks learn. See also Kipling's famous poem "If" (e.g. failing and starting again with worn out tools). Lawyers, even fine ones, make mistakes. So do doctors. My mother was an obsessive compulsive perfectionist. Quite toxic. Wanted to "fix" everything (me particularly) and expected perfection. In response I often drank more. I've done my share of failing in the past. I like what Lincoln said, "I try to do the very best I know how". Humbly aware of his own failings, weaknesses. Perhaps our greatest President.

Bill

wpainterw

Hi Everyone. Depression's come back! Seems even worse than last time. Thankfully I'm not thinking at all about booze. Just my growing frailty, extreme loss of weight, a feeling that my days are numbered now. In no way am I suicidal. Just very "down", what a century or two ago was often called "the black dog". Thinking a lot about how things are going (or not going) these days. Politics (which I won't discuss in this forum), and the hideous possibility of WW3. Am seeing my cardiologist on Thursday. A very good, skillful and kind man. So glad I don't think about booze. Have no cravings at all. Addiction is slow death indeed. And, despite its being the nation's No. 1 health problem, very little is done about it, except on sites such as SR. Focussing on professional advice, trees, flowers and dogs. Dogs are the finest nurses.

Bill

least

(((Bill))) Big hugs to you. I am feeling down too, due to losing my sweet old man ten days ago. But my shrink reminded me today to eat and take care of myself as my dog Billie and the cats need me too.