Relapsed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 87
Relapsed
Hi there...
I am so disappointed in myself. I haven't drank for 3 months 7 days until Monday night... I went out on a binge. Don't even want to express how much I drank because it was a deadly amount... its Wednesday and I still sick.. yesterday was worse I couldn't stop the headaches, shakes or vomiting.
I just felt I needed to tell someone and about how guilty I feel. I told myself if I were to ever drink again I would CONTROL it... but I stayed up till the late a.m. drinking and waking up still drunk.
Not sure what I should do? Was thinking of going to an A.A meeting but very embarrased to go and see people that are familiar and will know of my failure... pretty sure One look at me you'll know I had a pretty rough night
I am so disappointed in myself. I haven't drank for 3 months 7 days until Monday night... I went out on a binge. Don't even want to express how much I drank because it was a deadly amount... its Wednesday and I still sick.. yesterday was worse I couldn't stop the headaches, shakes or vomiting.
I just felt I needed to tell someone and about how guilty I feel. I told myself if I were to ever drink again I would CONTROL it... but I stayed up till the late a.m. drinking and waking up still drunk.
Not sure what I should do? Was thinking of going to an A.A meeting but very embarrased to go and see people that are familiar and will know of my failure... pretty sure One look at me you'll know I had a pretty rough night
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
That is what AA is for, ya know? They are there to help the still-drinking alcoholic. Like I heard often in meetings, no one gets there on a winning streak.
I hope you learned from this experience what we had to learn, and that is that there is no control once the disease takes hold. It's the first drink we need to stay away from. Sorry you had to learn it so painfully, but it takes what it takes.
I would go to a meeting every day until I figured it out, to be honest. They will be very glad you made it back. Get it out into the light. The shame helps keep it going. I'm glad you posted.
I hope you learned from this experience what we had to learn, and that is that there is no control once the disease takes hold. It's the first drink we need to stay away from. Sorry you had to learn it so painfully, but it takes what it takes.
I would go to a meeting every day until I figured it out, to be honest. They will be very glad you made it back. Get it out into the light. The shame helps keep it going. I'm glad you posted.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Mistakes2 
I told myself if I were to ever drink again I would CONTROL it...
Take drinking off the table completely and do whatever it takes to support that decision.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
If AA worked for you during those months, don't pass GO and head straight there. You'll feel a relief just taking that action.
Importantly though - what are you going to do differently this time? 3 months is great and you know what changes I'm sure you experienced. How can you stay sober this time?
Good for you for having the guts to get on SR and post about it as well. It shows you want better, and can find a way.
Importantly though - what are you going to do differently this time? 3 months is great and you know what changes I'm sure you experienced. How can you stay sober this time?
Good for you for having the guts to get on SR and post about it as well. It shows you want better, and can find a way.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Well, you identified your mistake. Leaving the door open for drinking (...if I were to ever drink again...). And drink you did. And your second mistake, believing this: I would CONTROL it...
Take drinking off the table completely and do whatever it takes to support that decision.
Take drinking off the table completely and do whatever it takes to support that decision.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by biminiblue
That is what AA is for, ya know? They are there to help the still-drinking alcoholic. Like I heard often in meetings, no one gets there on a winning streak.
I hope you learned from this experience what we had to learn, and that is that there is no control once the disease takes hold. It's the first drink we need to stay away from. Sorry you had to learn it so painfully, but it takes what it takes.
I would go to a meeting every day until I figured it out, to be honest. They will be very glad you made it back. Get it out into the light. The shame helps keep it going. I'm glad you posted.
I hope you learned from this experience what we had to learn, and that is that there is no control once the disease takes hold. It's the first drink we need to stay away from. Sorry you had to learn it so painfully, but it takes what it takes.
I would go to a meeting every day until I figured it out, to be honest. They will be very glad you made it back. Get it out into the light. The shame helps keep it going. I'm glad you posted.
I wish they had meetings in my area everyday, they only have it on Wednesday's unfortunately.
Always after that first drink I end up finidhing the entire bottle and looking for more. I hate that I am like this.. definitely embarrassed and ashamed.
So glad I found this website... so I can have people to talk to
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by lessgravity
If AA worked for you during those months, don't pass GO and head straight there. You'll feel a relief just taking that action.
Importantly though - what are you going to do differently this time? 3 months is great and you know what changes I'm sure you experienced. How can you stay sober this time?
Good for you for having the guts to get on SR and post about it as well. It shows you want better, and can find a way.
Importantly though - what are you going to do differently this time? 3 months is great and you know what changes I'm sure you experienced. How can you stay sober this time?
Good for you for having the guts to get on SR and post about it as well. It shows you want better, and can find a way.
.. I had my anxiety under control and I felt more energized and got a lot of things done. I loved myself more. So I hate that I chose to go on a binge Monday..hating myself right now
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
this reminds me of a few lines from the big book( do you have a big book yu could blow the dust off of and start reading?):
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Mistakes2
I really dont know why I stopped attending meetings. I thought I had it under control
is prolly the reason,eh?
this could have been a good lesson for ya. many people have to go back out to understand the full extent of the condition they are in.
its always awesome when they make it back.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by tomsteve
this reminds me of a few lines from the big book( do you have a big book yu could blow the dust off of and start reading?):
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
I never purchased the big book but I think I will have to and get to reading.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by tomsteve
"i stopped going to meetings because i thought i had it under control"
is prolly the reason,eh?
this could have been a good lesson for ya. many people have to go back out to understand the full extent of the condition they are in.
its always awesome when they make it back.
is prolly the reason,eh?
this could have been a good lesson for ya. many people have to go back out to understand the full extent of the condition they are in.
its always awesome when they make it back.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
In my experience, the most important part is to never forget how awful you feel right now. Write it down in excrutiating detail. Pull it up every time you crave a drink and remember where that first drink led you. Two of the great lies of alcoholism are "I can control it" (you got that message) and "I wasn't that bad." The people in AA will provide you with great support, and undoubtedly welcome you back with open arms. You can do this, we're here with you. 
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by Mistakes2
Thank you for replying.
I wish they had meetings in my area everyday, they only have it on Wednesday's unfortunately.
Always after that first drink I end up finidhing the entire bottle and looking for more. I hate that I am like this.. definitely embarrassed and ashamed.
So glad I found this website... so I can have people to talk to
I wish they had meetings in my area everyday, they only have it on Wednesday's unfortunately.
Always after that first drink I end up finidhing the entire bottle and looking for more. I hate that I am like this.. definitely embarrassed and ashamed.
So glad I found this website... so I can have people to talk to
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by mistory5
Check out www.intherooms.com and sober grid app in addition to SR. ITR has live video recovery meetings throughout the day and night. Awesome when you cant get to f2f meetings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by PalmerSage
In my experience, the most important part is to never forget how awful you feel right now. Write it down in excrutiating detail. Pull it up every time you crave a drink and remember where that first drink led you. Two of the great lies of alcoholism are "I can control it" (you got that message) and "I wasn't that bad." The people in AA will provide you with great support, and undoubtedly welcome you back with open arms. You can do this, we're here with you.
I definitely was that bad Monday night just thinking about it has me cringing
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