Horn95

So my fellow alcoholics, I have arrived at a conclusion. Early recovery, for someone who had been drinking like me, is crazy — or cray cray as my kids call it!

As many of you all have seen in my posts, I have been apoplectic about all sorts of things — my wife in particular.

So in a moment of clarity today, I went through all the texts between she and I, and in my state of calm, I was like, “Wtf have I been doing?! “ I have been acting like a paranoid lunatic.

That’s why they say never make big decisions early in recovery, and be patient. I am surprised my wife has put up with me this long.

Anyways, I am sober and having a moment of peace, and realizing I am a jerk! And very lucky to have so many loving, supportive folks around me in spite of myself.

And y’all have been great.

ScottFromWI

I've had those moments too Horn - self realization some might call it? Bottom line though it's a positive step. We cannot fix things until we recognize them right?

MissPerfumado

Hi Horn, it's such a hard time, early recovery. I was pretty pink cloudish the first few months, but I just wasn't myself either. I had some highly anxious social moments, that really took the first year to sort out. I look back at the first few weeks especially and I was - emotionally - a stew of feelings.

Let the realisations come, is what I think. Reflect on them, try not to judge them but just look at them objectively, maybe journal or write here about them. I wrote daily on the Class thread and that became my journal. There was a LOT of introspection.

I'm so glad for you that you are having these profound insights.

Most of us were jerks when enthralled to our addiction (I was the deeply selfish kind).

Helianthus

Yep, a few weeks after I got sober I had that same moment of clarity. I thought I was being completely reasonable and everyone else just didn't get it. Turns out I'm the one who didn't get it and was an ahole most of the time. Personal growth is great but damn it kicks you in the bum sometimes lol.

thomas11

Horn, not sure what kind of a lawyer you are or if you went to college. But if you did get a college degree and then went to law school, you've been educated in the behavior and sociology of many different kinds of people. I sense that you are emotionally bouncing up and down almost violently trying to figure out.....anything and everything. All I can offer is that quit the damn booze and everything will calm down. Its the only way you can possibly get control of all the balls in the air.

Your last post is not the first time you've posted something rather dramatic and then you simply disappear. We are here to help.

topspin

.

Thanks for the new word Horn !

Don't remember much about the specifics of my first few months anymore ,...but do remember being all over the map with my emotions for a while !?!

cray - cray brother

dwtbd

Real stone cold jerks get kicked out of tribes, and it sounds like you haven’t been abandoned.
Having enough self awareness and hutzpa to see your own “jerkiness “ and moving past it is a big step in the right direction and very welcomed by any tribe.

fini

nothing like wKing up to a totally different view of "what happened and what i am/was like", eh?
doesn't feel good but lots of good can come from it.

Nonsensical

I was surrounded by inconsiderate imbeciles my first few months sober. They needed constant feedback and guidance from me on all the things they were doing wrong.

I'm so glad they got better.

entropy1964

That 'cray cray' thinking.....yep its nuts. That is why I always try to pause...stop....don't react. My addiction is reactive by nature. So learning to be a non reactive person is a very helpful overall coping skill. Not to mention the foundation of emotional maturity.

Between stimulus and response is a space....live in the space.

fini

thanks for the laugh, Non!

DontRemember

I agree that the first several months our thoughts and rational are all over the place! However...and yes I'm going to be 'that guy', I don't think accepting poor treatment from others is something to chalk up to you just being "craycray".