Why: one big one or lots of little ones?

Old 07-04-2018, 06:24 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Our disease is progressive, embarrassments lead to changing my circle of friends to folks who were more accepting of my proclivities, but eventually it became preferable to drink alone. Gradually drinking came to consume all of my non-work/non-sleep time. Eventually I was so tired of my life as it was that I considered suicide. Knowing that would be an irreversible choice, I tried quitting drinking instead... but I had to think about it (seriously).

I learned to live by working my sobriety as though my life depended on it.
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Old 07-04-2018, 05:42 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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For me the moment came when I ended up in A&E through having a mental health episode where I was so full of depression and anxiety I didn't know where to turn. I guess it was a breakdown of sorts. I went to my Doctor and she sent me to A&E. I had been on a 10 day drink binge which started off as harmless drinks on my birthday, but the problem was I never stopped. Each day I woke up and the hangover was getting worse, so I'd drink again to stop my withdrawals. Eventually it took me into a deep dark abyss of mental anguish and my only way out was the hospital. It was there that a psychiatrist saw me and basically gave me a real big talking to. He said I was an alcoholic and finally the words sunk in. Just the way he spoke to me made me finally see it. I had been in denial about my problem, but it was so obvious. I was completely dependent on alcohol wherever I went. The last few years I had inadvertently descended into full blown alcoholism. It had to be either available to me immediately or in my system at decent enough quantities for me to practically go anywhere. Sure, I could have a few days off, but I would then be back drinking 2 bottles of wine in one night. Drinking in the mornings etc.

I decided I wanted to reclaim my life, I had an awakening. I knew I coudn't go on like this anymore, as it would lead me down a dark path to oblivion. I made a choice, I went to seek support, I asked for help, I accepted I had a problem and reached out.

I'm now 70 days sober and I feel reborn as a human being. I have a new life, and I no longer want to drink. It isn't a choice, it is just something I don't do. I will never forget how dark the poison made me feel, and I will never go back there.
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Old 07-04-2018, 06:29 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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It is work. For me it was really tough those early months. I also quit because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. The guilt, the shame, the self-loathing. I am successful, great job, wonderful life, no rock bottom or dwi for me, but alcohol was the one weakness I could not manage. No amount of moderation, no promises, no pills, nothing worked to control my drinking. It is so much
less stress to just not drink. Never have one, and I do not have to worry about how much I am drinking and do I have a problem. Yes, it was a problem. Yes it was a lot of work to quit and stay sober, but I am better than I have ever been. I am the best HTown I have ever been in my whole life and sobriety is the best thing I have ever done ďfor meĒ.
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Old 07-05-2018, 01:25 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Simply, I was tired of the cycle and wasnít truly living. Prof, you asked if the reasons for sobriety changed at all over time. Iíve focused a lot on proper diet and regular exercise which has given me confidence and overall well being. I know that if I go back to my old life I wonít be hitting the gym and Iíll start eating like crap again. So the focus on achieving my fitness goals is a new reason never to consume the poison again.
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Old 07-09-2018, 11:16 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ProfessorD View Post
So I was wondering, why did you get sober? Did you have one big reason (a DUI? A health scare? Doing if for your kids? An epiphany of some sort?) Or did you have a bunch of little reasons? Are the little reasons enough?

Good question, I got sober because I found myself craving and planning to want to drink rather than of it being a spontaneous social occurrence. And when I would have just one, I could wait to be done to have another.

I found myself, hiding, lying, being manipulative when I know I'm not that person but it made me do things I would not do sober. And I justify it. I would say it was a one time occurrence, or a weekend bender, or a holiday occasion, or this person did it too... all of it is insane thinking. I don't want to be that person so I'm trying harder and harder to not relapse. I don't want to give my power away. If that makes sense.

I didn't post all weekend, went away to think about things up north for the Holiday, drank one day but woke up thinking this is it and poured everything I owned out. And my husband and I had an honest conversation about it. I cant be partly in and partly out, doesn't work. Maybe you haven't experienced the same but this has been my story thus far. I had 6 years of not worrying about what I did or what my cover story would be. It's exhausting.
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Old 07-09-2018, 11:32 AM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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Lots of little ones combined with plenty of big ones over the course of two and a half decades finally building to a point of decline and despair that I just couldnít keep dealing with and feared the loss of my children over.
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