Should I Wait / is this realistic?
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Join Date: Jun 2018
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Should I Wait / is this realistic?
Hi there! I have just joined this website, as my cousin told me how helpful it is to get you through things.
I recently started helping out as a volunteer at a drug rehab facilitation. I had met this guy when I first started helping out, but didn’t think anything of him at first. He left the program, , Or rather he and some others were asked to leave because they were caught with Kratom,As you may all know is a drug that is commonly used to help get someone off of heavy drug use. He was gone, and on the streets, but had a change of heart and came back with a more Stabilized mindset as to why he was there. It’s obvious his focus is his recovery right now, but there is a mutual attraction between the both of us that was formed upon his return. I don’t just like any guys, and I’ve never felt the way I felt with someone as I do for him. I know this sounds so cliché, but it’s true. My gut is telling me there could be something lasting here, and I realize everyone has their own mistakes that they make, but I firmly believe if they can make a choice on their own, that with the right person they can be encouraged to stay on the right path. This recovery program is a year long , and I don’t know if I’m wasting my time if I wait for him , as he said he likes me but he can’t do anything until he graduates the program.
I know there is a lot I could be working on with myself and it would be a good time to know myself more and achieve goals I desire to achieve. I am a devout Catholi and take relationships very seriously , and I don’t and have never slept with a man(to make my point). I know for a fact he is a more mature character seeing the way he interacts with others and we have mutual friends who could vouch for his moral character. Yes, he is a recovering alcoholic and did cocaine (alcohol being his main addiction), but he doesn’t even have tatoos and hasn’t been a crazy person breaking laws...Obviously, people who are on drugs and alcohol are medicating because of another issue in their life. He loves family, and has even been to college before. Is it safe to wait for him? What should I do? Or Do you think he would move on to another person( though it would be unlikely with the type of person he is)?
I recently started helping out as a volunteer at a drug rehab facilitation. I had met this guy when I first started helping out, but didn’t think anything of him at first. He left the program, , Or rather he and some others were asked to leave because they were caught with Kratom,As you may all know is a drug that is commonly used to help get someone off of heavy drug use. He was gone, and on the streets, but had a change of heart and came back with a more Stabilized mindset as to why he was there. It’s obvious his focus is his recovery right now, but there is a mutual attraction between the both of us that was formed upon his return. I don’t just like any guys, and I’ve never felt the way I felt with someone as I do for him. I know this sounds so cliché, but it’s true. My gut is telling me there could be something lasting here, and I realize everyone has their own mistakes that they make, but I firmly believe if they can make a choice on their own, that with the right person they can be encouraged to stay on the right path. This recovery program is a year long , and I don’t know if I’m wasting my time if I wait for him , as he said he likes me but he can’t do anything until he graduates the program.
I know there is a lot I could be working on with myself and it would be a good time to know myself more and achieve goals I desire to achieve. I am a devout Catholi and take relationships very seriously , and I don’t and have never slept with a man(to make my point). I know for a fact he is a more mature character seeing the way he interacts with others and we have mutual friends who could vouch for his moral character. Yes, he is a recovering alcoholic and did cocaine (alcohol being his main addiction), but he doesn’t even have tatoos and hasn’t been a crazy person breaking laws...Obviously, people who are on drugs and alcohol are medicating because of another issue in their life. He loves family, and has even been to college before. Is it safe to wait for him? What should I do? Or Do you think he would move on to another person( though it would be unlikely with the type of person he is)?
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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Welcome!
I moved your thread to this forum where it will get more responses.
There are no guarantees as to what will happen to your friend. A year is a long time, and clearly he will need to focus on his recovery during that time. No one can predict whether or not your friend will remain sober. It might be an idea for you to check out AlAnon in your city as a support for you.
I moved your thread to this forum where it will get more responses.
There are no guarantees as to what will happen to your friend. A year is a long time, and clearly he will need to focus on his recovery during that time. No one can predict whether or not your friend will remain sober. It might be an idea for you to check out AlAnon in your city as a support for you.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
Ols0915.
Oh, Dear. The one line that caught my attention was this, "as he said he likes me but he can’t do anything until he graduates the program." Read those words slowly, again and again. If this evolved into a "relationship", it has the potential to destroy both of you. It's like one sick child calling to another. You need to get hooked up with Al-Anon and explore the roots of that attraction. Been there, done that, got several T-shirts. He needs all of his energies, emotional and physical to recover from his disease. If you keep romanticizing a relationship with him, you'll get very, very sick. You might think about unvolunteering to save him and yourself a lot of heartache.
Oh, Dear. The one line that caught my attention was this, "as he said he likes me but he can’t do anything until he graduates the program." Read those words slowly, again and again. If this evolved into a "relationship", it has the potential to destroy both of you. It's like one sick child calling to another. You need to get hooked up with Al-Anon and explore the roots of that attraction. Been there, done that, got several T-shirts. He needs all of his energies, emotional and physical to recover from his disease. If you keep romanticizing a relationship with him, you'll get very, very sick. You might think about unvolunteering to save him and yourself a lot of heartache.
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Join Date: Jun 2018
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Originally Posted by djlook 
Ols0915.
Oh, Dear. The one line that caught my attention was this, "as he said he likes me but he can’t do anything until he graduates the program." Read those words slowly, again and again. If this evolved into a "relationship", it has the potential to destroy both of you. It's like one sick child calling to another. You need to get hooked up with Al-Anon and explore the roots of that attraction. Been there, done that, got several T-shirts. He needs all of his energies, emotional and physical to recover from his disease. If you keep romanticizing a relationship with him, you'll get very, very sick. You might think about unvolunteering to save him and yourself a lot of heartache.
Oh, Dear. The one line that caught my attention was this, "as he said he likes me but he can’t do anything until he graduates the program." Read those words slowly, again and again. If this evolved into a "relationship", it has the potential to destroy both of you. It's like one sick child calling to another. You need to get hooked up with Al-Anon and explore the roots of that attraction. Been there, done that, got several T-shirts. He needs all of his energies, emotional and physical to recover from his disease. If you keep romanticizing a relationship with him, you'll get very, very sick. You might think about unvolunteering to save him and yourself a lot of heartache.
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by djlook
Ols0915.
Oh, Dear. The one line that caught my attention was this, "as he said he likes me but he can’t do anything until he graduates the program." Read those words slowly, again and again. If this evolved into a "relationship", it has the potential to destroy both of you. It's like one sick child calling to another. You need to get hooked up with Al-Anon and explore the roots of that attraction. Been there, done that, got several T-shirts. He needs all of his energies, emotional and physical to recover from his disease. If you keep romanticizing a relationship with him, you'll get very, very sick. You might think about unvolunteering to save him and yourself a lot of heartache.
Oh, Dear. The one line that caught my attention was this, "as he said he likes me but he can’t do anything until he graduates the program." Read those words slowly, again and again. If this evolved into a "relationship", it has the potential to destroy both of you. It's like one sick child calling to another. You need to get hooked up with Al-Anon and explore the roots of that attraction. Been there, done that, got several T-shirts. He needs all of his energies, emotional and physical to recover from his disease. If you keep romanticizing a relationship with him, you'll get very, very sick. You might think about unvolunteering to save him and yourself a lot of heartache.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
I think the guy deserves a shot a sobriety without any emotional baggage. From my many long years of observation, a new man in the program needs other men around them for support, not females. They get emotionally entangled and it confuses them. Same goes for women.
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Join Date: Jun 2018
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I completely agree! Like I said, I never see him, and there’s no communication between us. And we don’t wish to push anything right now. I guess my real question is, down the road when he’s graduated the program in a year, is that a safe time frame to maybe start a friendship at least? If he initiated.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
A year's a long time. If his treatment "takes", he'll come out a changed person. Recovery does that to a person. If he successfully completes the program, all of his energies should be taken up with rebuilding his life, such as getting a job, providing a home for himself, mending relationships that his drinking has destroyed, etc.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
If you are still volunteering at this place really you should be keeping clear boundaries. Honestly, this kind of stuff is NOT good for anyone's recovery. I would suggest volunteering somewhere else as you could do more harm than good here. This man is there to get well from something that could kill him and has wrecked his life. He does not need distraction or drama. If you care about him at all you will stay away and let him focus on his recovery.
Sorry if this sounds hard line, but a year long rehab is an opportunity that not many get. If he has this then it's because he needs it. It may be the thing that saves his life.
Aren't there rules about staff (volunteers or paid) getting involved with people in the program?
BB
Sorry if this sounds hard line, but a year long rehab is an opportunity that not many get. If he has this then it's because he needs it. It may be the thing that saves his life.
Aren't there rules about staff (volunteers or paid) getting involved with people in the program?
BB
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 70
Within 90 minutes you went from "He was gone, and on the streets, but had a change of heart and came back with a more Stabilized mindset" to "Like I said, I never see him, and there’s no communication between us."
How much time elapsed since he left and came back?
I've lost 3 great relationships in the last 3 years because of my excessive drinking. I've been sober for a month now and that felt like a lifetime for me.
My gut is telling me to proceed with extreme caution and, like the others suggested, attend some Al Anon meetings and hear from the people who've experienced it then decide from there. You may not want to risk your career or what you have going on in your life.
How much time elapsed since he left and came back?
I've lost 3 great relationships in the last 3 years because of my excessive drinking. I've been sober for a month now and that felt like a lifetime for me.
My gut is telling me to proceed with extreme caution and, like the others suggested, attend some Al Anon meetings and hear from the people who've experienced it then decide from there. You may not want to risk your career or what you have going on in your life.
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Join Date: May 2017
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 96
Originally Posted by Berrybean
If you are still volunteering at this place really you should be keeping clear boundaries. Honestly, this kind of stuff is NOT good for anyone's recovery. I would suggest volunteering somewhere else as you could do more harm than good here. This man is there to get well from something that could kill him and has wrecked his life. He does not need distraction or drama. If you care about him at all you will stay away and let him focus on his recovery.
Sorry if this sounds hard line, but a year long rehab is an opportunity that not many get. If he has this then it's because he needs it. It may be the thing that saves his life.
Aren't there rules about staff (volunteers or paid) getting involved with people in the program?
BB
Sorry if this sounds hard line, but a year long rehab is an opportunity that not many get. If he has this then it's because he needs it. It may be the thing that saves his life.
Aren't there rules about staff (volunteers or paid) getting involved with people in the program?
BB
^^^This^^^
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
For what it's worth Kratom is more of something people use instead of opiates not to get off of them. It's still addictive and still gets you high. I have an old friend who is addicted to it, he also used to shoot heroin.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
ok, first.....as a volunteer at this organization, i am certain there are RULES about level of contact with the residents.
He did Not to tell me this personally. It was something he told one of our mutual friends, and she told me. He probably has no idea I know.
you are asking if you should wait a year for someone you barely know, who never said anything of the sort directly TO you , and who you never see or speak to. you then ask if we think he will MOVE ON.
what is wrong with this picture? there is NOTHING to move on FROM. you don't have a relationship. you have an attraction to a person. that you again BARELY know.
please leave this person alone. let him be in the facility for it's intended purpose. and maybe find somewhere else to volunteer.
He did Not to tell me this personally. It was something he told one of our mutual friends, and she told me. He probably has no idea I know.
you are asking if you should wait a year for someone you barely know, who never said anything of the sort directly TO you , and who you never see or speak to. you then ask if we think he will MOVE ON.
what is wrong with this picture? there is NOTHING to move on FROM. you don't have a relationship. you have an attraction to a person. that you again BARELY know.
please leave this person alone. let him be in the facility for it's intended purpose. and maybe find somewhere else to volunteer.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
Ma'am.
Your post is so confusing to me. I went back and read it again and I counted about six "Buts." Are you justifying and rationalizing something that you know is wrong? I think everything after BUT is bull****.
Another point - you wrote - "Do you think he would move on to another person( though it would be unlikely with the type of person he is)?"
And why did you find it necessary to tell us you're a Catholic and have never slept with a man? No one on here is judging you. For me, I'm just questioning your motives. It sounds like a teenage crush, and we here at SR are looking at this poor guy in a treatment facility who has a disease that's going to kill him if he doesn't get some help. Please get some help for yourself somewhere.
Your post is so confusing to me. I went back and read it again and I counted about six "Buts." Are you justifying and rationalizing something that you know is wrong? I think everything after BUT is bull****.
Another point - you wrote - "Do you think he would move on to another person( though it would be unlikely with the type of person he is)?"
And why did you find it necessary to tell us you're a Catholic and have never slept with a man? No one on here is judging you. For me, I'm just questioning your motives. It sounds like a teenage crush, and we here at SR are looking at this poor guy in a treatment facility who has a disease that's going to kill him if he doesn't get some help. Please get some help for yourself somewhere.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
ok, first.....as a volunteer at this organization, i am certain there are RULES about level of contact with the residents.
He did Not to tell me this personally. It was something he told one of our mutual friends, and she told me. He probably has no idea I know.
you are asking if you should wait a year for someone you barely know, who never said anything of the sort directly TO you , and who you never see or speak to. you then ask if we think he will MOVE ON.
what is wrong with this picture? there is NOTHING to move on FROM. you don't have a relationship. you have an attraction to a person. that you again BARELY know.
please leave this person alone. let him be in the facility for it's intended purpose. and maybe find somewhere else to volunteer.
He did Not to tell me this personally. It was something he told one of our mutual friends, and she told me. He probably has no idea I know.
you are asking if you should wait a year for someone you barely know, who never said anything of the sort directly TO you , and who you never see or speak to. you then ask if we think he will MOVE ON.
what is wrong with this picture? there is NOTHING to move on FROM. you don't have a relationship. you have an attraction to a person. that you again BARELY know.
please leave this person alone. let him be in the facility for it's intended purpose. and maybe find somewhere else to volunteer.
This might not be the gentlest thing to say but you need to stop. Now. Entertaining any thoughts of a "relationship" is going to hurt you and - I'd place a good bet- ONLY end badly. As you've described all of this, both of you have plenty to handle on your own for you to keep tying yourself up in knots over this person.
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