rayna87

I was terrified to do this, but I reached my limit tonight and as much as I want to be done, I can't bring myself to just stop, even though I'm desperate for sleep and a clear day. I am in such a vicious cycle. My drinking has risen to the level of screwing up things at my job. Then I drink to deal with/forget how I've screwed up. Then I screw up more. I don't know how to break free. I'm drinking more and more, and starting earlier and earlier. I know I need serious help but I do not have insurance, and alcohol is a huge stigma in my family, and when I don't "maintain" the same level of drinking, I have trouble sleeping. The other problem is that all of my friends and even my close family, all we do when we get together is drink. If it's someone's birthday, we go to a bar. If we're getting together for brunch, it's surrounded by mimosas. Even if we're just having a game night, there's beer and wine and shots involved. The difference is they can all control it, but I can't. I am totally willing and want to white knuckle it (not my first time looking into quitting), and I guess even just live a life of recluse away from the partying. I just don't even know where to begin. Thank you in advance.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Rayna

I had all those things going on too
In the end I just had to do what was right for me.

That meant a lot of changes about how I solved problems, or how I related to people, what I did for fun and who I had fun with.

It was hard, but I found never ending support here...and I found a new life and a new me I love.

It all starts with a day one. If you're worried about withdrawal, best to see your Dr first

D

Hevyn

Rayna - I'm so glad you found us & decided to post.

That's exactly the situation I was in when I found SR. I'd been drinking for many years. I was drinking every day. It seems ridiculous now, but I didn't know how I would live without it - it was part of everything I did. I had to stop in order to save my life - it was putting me in danger & jeopardizing my job & all my relationships. I can't say it was ever fun or relaxing anymore - but I was totally dependent on it. Coming here & talking it over with those who understood made all the difference - I found the courage to change my life. You can do it too. Would you consider seeing your doctor for help in quitting safely?

Anna

Welcome Rayna, I was in a downward spiral too and it was so hard to get out. My advice to you is to be true to yourself. You know you need to stop drinking. It doesn't matter what friends/family think about it.

This is a good place for you to find support. It can seem overwhelming at first, but you can do it. I needed to make lifestyle changes to support my recovery, but I'm so glad I did.

rayna87

Thank you all so much already. I drink everyday too, and way too much these days. A bottle of wine a day has escalated into so much more, and even more when things are messed up. Everything I've screwed up either goes away from my head or just doesn't seem as bad after a glass or 3 of wine. Like I said, it's the vicious cycle. My goal is to wean down, and deal with the sleeping issues that come with it. I unfortunately do not have a doctor due to my insurance getting cancelled, so I'm in this on my own.

Gottalife

If you really want to stop for good, you might try Alcoholics Anonymous. When I joined with a sincere intent to stop, and a willingness to do anything to make that happen my problem was solved. I had the sleep issues too. I found a clear conscience was the best remedy for that.

Purple99

Wow- your story sounds very familiar to me. I honestly don’t know how I went from a glass of wine in the evening, to drinking a bottle of vodka every 24 hours. I was out of control and I could feel my liver begging for mercy. I was in trouble at work and at home. I went cold turkey last December so I am almost at 6 months. If I didn’t have a doctor helping (outpatient) I probably would have died in withdrawals. Please be careful and please see if you can find some type of medical care. You can do this!!

BDTL

This ^^^^^^^^ . You will have great support here and you need people you can talk to in person. There is no cost to join AA, only a desire to quit drinking. You can do this and life will be soooooooo much better.

least

Welcome to the family. I hope our support, as well as giving AA a good try, will help you get sober for good.

timm84

I can really relate to this part.

I wanted to just be one of the crowd and join in when everyone was drinking, but more often than not I wound up pushing it too hard and embarrassing myself or getting sick.

You're not alone, but you do need to stop because it's honestly only going to get worse. Once you have become an every-day drinker, you don't go back to being a glass-of-wine-with-dinner kind of drinker. It just never happens.

My guess is your friends will be more supportive and helpful if you really decide to quit than you can ever imagine right now. If they're not, **** them and do what's best for you anyway.

Good luck!

rayna87

Thank you! I already have so much courage to do this because of these comments , so again, thank you!! Only thing is I have a huge work mistake I made, which I actually don't think has to do with drinking, it just is what is what it is, but I have to deal with it Monday AM/Tuesday, and my idea is to drink it away the rest of the weekend

Midwest1981

Rayna- welcome to SR! I am glad you are here you will get a lot of support. I was in the same situation as you when I first joined this site and I finally quit for good after several attempts. I had to stay away from places with alcohol for several months but now it don’t bother me to be around it,

You can do this! Alcohol never makes anything better. You will feel so much better without it.

timm84

Another very relatable thing for me here.

I have a (at least on the internet) very public job, so when I make a mistake in an article or on social media I definitely hear about it. People are ******* unbearable pricks too even about the smallest things.

When I was drinking these kinds of errors were a huge trigger.

All I can say is that like with everything else, the drinking will only make it worse. Just try to remember that literally everyone screws up and nobody gets out alive. Think about J.R. Smith and try to let it roll off your back. It doesn't get any worse than that.

MissPerfumado

My family can be big drinkers too. We also have alcohol problems in our family. My father is an alcoholic and quit drinking about 10 years ago.

I went to see a doctor to stop. Can you at least afford one GP's appointment even if you don't have insurance? I came clean to my doc and she advised me to stop immediately. We worked out a plan. She prescribed me sleeping pills for the first week but I was afraid to take them in case I got addicted to them instead! I ended up not taking them though I did sleep very badly the first week or so.

It was two weeks to Christmas when I quit. I was going to be spending the holidays with my family and there would be drinking. I rang my family one by one and told them I was stopping because I knew I had a problem. They were pretty great. They supported me. They helped hold me accountable right through the holidays. Now when we get together as a family, it is right out in the open that I DO NOT DRINK. EVER.

I also came on here and posted a lot. What a great support this site has been, especially the first few months.

You can do this. The first step is acknowledging you have a problem. Today, my siblings have cut down drinking partly because I helped to open up the problem in our family. What was just Dad's problem has come down to our generation. None of them were as bad as I, but maybe I've saved them problems down the line... who knows?

goodbyeevan

Hi! I'm very familiar with the same nightmare cycle you are in. I was so miserable by the end of it. Physically ill and depressed constantly. 90 days ago I finally stopped. It took posting here alot. Alot alot. It also took getting over my anxiety and going to AA meetings and getting a sponsor. I'm not totally obsessed with AA but I do enjoy the meetings as long as I don't have to talk, and having a sponsor keeps me accountable. I'm fortunate to have a grandma who was in the program with 33 years of recovery. I hope you choose to break the cycle. There will be days you will want to drink. You must say no. Sobriety has to be number one. You got this

Hevyn

Hope you're doing ok today, Rayna. Talk to us anytime. Believe me, we understand.

StrengthNme

I was in the exact same situation. I even had to have a co-worker drive me to the hospital during work one day when I started having withdrawal symptoms at work. I did not enjoy drinking anymore and I wanted nothing to do with it, but I couldn't bring myself to quit because my better kept going into withdrawal and that scared me. So I finally made the decision that it wasn't going to run my life anymore. Yesterday was my first day not drinking and today is my second. You CAN do this!!!

rayna87

Thank you all for your replies. Unfortunately today was not the day to start my recovery, as I am too worried about work tomorrow and how everything is going to turn out. I need to get through those consequences, whatever they are going to be, start my improvements there, and then tackle this. I have made myself sick over this all weekend and couldn’t deal with it alone (which translates to without my wine). I do truly want to stop and I will get there and again I thank you so much for your encouragement!!