My nemesis beckons me every night!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 11
My nemesis beckons me every night!
Its four days I am sober. I work in a news firm, so basically my work is in the evening and shift ends around 10pm. It's a 45minutes drive back home. Since I am a night drinker, my body's urge for alcohol begins in the evening. I don't back out of a drinking situation. And my nemesis lies one kilometers short of home- on the left side of the highway, a long line of neon lighted wine stores where there always seem to be a happy commotion. I have been part of that temporal happy community, every night-downing 6-8 large pegs of rum before I reach home. There, every night I am greeted by whisky or rum smelling strangers, with cravings like me, as if I am their long lost brother. And we chat like our last days on earth. And on that spot, one kilometer short of home, my wife and daughter, there, my sanity is lost. Now, that spot-that place of 'happy commotion', is what beckons me every night, calling me like a lost lover. And there is no detour, I tell you. I have to pass that spot to reach home or fly a chopper. Talk about catch 22 situation! I may have turned my head the other way around on these four days which have been long and sleepless nights, but I am weak in the flesh and I don't know when I will stop the ignition of my beat up hatch back and glide towards that temporal relief camp which I know is slowly draining my body and soul away. God help me!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi Imti
Not trying to downpaly your situation or make light, but as nemeses go, its not that powerful - the wine stores can't leap out in front of your car or chase you down.
Watch the road ahead, keep driving...go straight past that strip.
The more you do that, the less the imperative will be.
D
Not trying to downpaly your situation or make light, but as nemeses go, its not that powerful - the wine stores can't leap out in front of your car or chase you down.
Watch the road ahead, keep driving...go straight past that strip.
The more you do that, the less the imperative will be.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 11
Thanks dee, yixi, for the encouragement. It's the long association with that place and to pass it everynight right in time of my craving is what's making it difficult. But I am gritting my teeth and driving by. Though it's hard sometimes.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
I never thought I could make Friday night sober until I did.
I never thought I could make a week sober until I did.
I never thought I could play a gig sober til I did.
A friend of mine used to be in one of those precision driving teams.
He's always said - keep your eyes on the middle distance...look at where you want to be - focus on that point and you'll get there....
works for recovery too
D
I never thought I could make a week sober until I did.
I never thought I could play a gig sober til I did.
A friend of mine used to be in one of those precision driving teams.
He's always said - keep your eyes on the middle distance...look at where you want to be - focus on that point and you'll get there....
works for recovery too
D
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
You used a lot of words to say, "On my way home from work I have to drive past the places I used to drink."
You dressed it up and made it seem very romantic.
It wasn't.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
You dressed it up and made it seem very romantic.
It wasn't.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Welcome to SR.
First, unless you live immediately nextdoor to these places, I bet there might be a different way home.
Second, your description is very well written and paints a pretty picture but rings so false to me. Take the booze away from these addicts and are they really your long lost brothers? Sober as a bird, listen to the conversations - are they really all that profound? My money is on no.
Instead the profundity you profess you find at these places, that really just interested in your money and your addiction, is truly to be found at home. I think in your heart of hearts you'd agreed, based on the fact you brought up your wife and daughter in your very first post.
By putting away your childish, selfish desires to get drunk, and instead embracing the obligations, responsibilities and joys that you have with your family, I think you can find the leverage and the meaning that might sustain you.
It's not easy, but it's a better way.
First, unless you live immediately nextdoor to these places, I bet there might be a different way home.
Second, your description is very well written and paints a pretty picture but rings so false to me. Take the booze away from these addicts and are they really your long lost brothers? Sober as a bird, listen to the conversations - are they really all that profound? My money is on no.
Instead the profundity you profess you find at these places, that really just interested in your money and your addiction, is truly to be found at home. I think in your heart of hearts you'd agreed, based on the fact you brought up your wife and daughter in your very first post.
By putting away your childish, selfish desires to get drunk, and instead embracing the obligations, responsibilities and joys that you have with your family, I think you can find the leverage and the meaning that might sustain you.
It's not easy, but it's a better way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by lessgravity 
Welcome to SR.
First, unless you live immediately nextdoor to these places, I bet there might be a different way home.
Second, your description is very well written and paints a pretty picture but rings so false to me. Take the booze away from these addicts and are they really your long lost brothers? Sober as a bird, listen to the conversations - are they really all that profound? My money is on no.
Instead the profundity you profess you find at these places, that really just interested in your money and your addiction, is truly to be found at home. I think in your heart of hearts you'd agreed, based on the fact you brought up your wife and daughter in your very first post.
By putting away your childish, selfish desires to get drunk, and instead embracing the obligations, responsibilities and joys that you have with your family, I think you can find the leverage and the meaning that might sustain you.
It's not easy, but it's a better way.
First, unless you live immediately nextdoor to these places, I bet there might be a different way home.
Second, your description is very well written and paints a pretty picture but rings so false to me. Take the booze away from these addicts and are they really your long lost brothers? Sober as a bird, listen to the conversations - are they really all that profound? My money is on no.
Instead the profundity you profess you find at these places, that really just interested in your money and your addiction, is truly to be found at home. I think in your heart of hearts you'd agreed, based on the fact you brought up your wife and daughter in your very first post.
By putting away your childish, selfish desires to get drunk, and instead embracing the obligations, responsibilities and joys that you have with your family, I think you can find the leverage and the meaning that might sustain you.
It's not easy, but it's a better way.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by Imti
Let me clear up some points to you. First, I am from an underdeveloped part of the world. So we don't have arteries of roads connecting a particular place. The only alternate baily bridge connecting my locality from town was swept away by a flood last year. Thanks to a corrupt government, it's still not repaired. And let me tell you, the place I live in has prohibition like as in the US in the 20s, and the line of wine store I am talking about are illegal liquor dens run by smiling mafias in connivance with local authorities selling spurious liquor. And I can't even tell you how many young people dies out here drinking liquor with fake international labels diluted spirits meant for animals. But I am not here to point out these every day tragedies to this forum. I came here for support. My expression might seem romanticized, yes it is. Drinking alcohol is objectified. That's how we see the mirage, before the blind. Hell, we don't even have NGOs supporting people with alcohol disease. The church here deem it as sinful death, those who died of alcohol disease, that it has become a stigma, like that of HIV. People suffer differently in different part of the world by Alcoholism. If my expression was romanticized, yes, it is. That was how I was made to think when I took my first peg. And frankly, when you consider my situation as childish and selfish desire to get drunk, I compelled to conclude you have a dim view about alcoholics or it's pervasive disease, even if you are or were once. There is a darkness in every alcoholics. Peace.
So the truth is that when I valued the drink, romanticized or not, over my self and my responsibilities as a father and a husband I drank. Call it a disease, and addiction, a darkness, a demon - the truth is that I valued it over the rest of my life. I lied and cheated and made accommodations for my love and my addiction to alcohol. Once I, finally, after many years and failures and excuses, placed the value of my family and my self above the value I gave to alcohol and my addiction, I became sober.
I didn't mean to offend. Hope you find the strength and path to put the booze down.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
welcome, lmti and glad youre here.
I don't back out of a drinking situation
is it that you dont or cant? is the mental obsession so strong you cant find the willpower to say no?
I don't back out of a drinking situation
is it that you dont or cant? is the mental obsession so strong you cant find the willpower to say no?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by Imti
Let me clear up some points to you. First, I am from an underdeveloped part of the world. So we don't have arteries of roads connecting a particular place. The only alternate baily bridge connecting my locality from town was swept away by a flood last year. Thanks to a corrupt government, it's still not repaired. And let me tell you, the place I live in has prohibition like as in the US in the 20s, and the line of wine store I am talking about are illegal liquor dens run by smiling mafias in connivance with local authorities selling spurious liquor. And I can't even tell you how many young people dies out here drinking liquor with fake international labels diluted spirits meant for animals. But I am not here to point out these every day tragedies to this forum. I came here for support. My expression might seem romanticized, yes it is. Drinking alcohol is objectified. That's how we see the mirage, before the blind. Hell, we don't even have NGOs supporting people with alcohol disease. The church here deem it as sinful death, those who died of alcohol disease, that it has become a stigma, like that of HIV. People suffer differently in different part of the world by Alcoholism. If my expression was romanticized, yes, it is. That was how I was made to think when I took my first peg. And frankly, when you consider my situation as childish and selfish desire to get drunk, I compelled to conclude you have a dim view about alcoholics or it's pervasive disease, even if you are or were once. There is a darkness in every alcoholics. Peace.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by lessgravity
I'm only speaking from my own personal experience, certainly not judging. I've been fighting the sober fight for a long time. For me though, honesty and hard truths were what helped me finally put down the booze for good.
So the truth is that when I valued the drink, romanticized or not, over my self and my responsibilities as a father and a husband I drank. Call it a disease, and addiction, a darkness, a demon - the truth is that I valued it over the rest of my life. I lied and cheated and made accommodations for my love and my addiction to alcohol. Once I, finally, after many years and failures and excuses, placed the value of my family and my self above the value I gave to alcohol and my addiction, I became sober.
I didn't mean to offend. Hope you find the strength and path to put the booze down.
So the truth is that when I valued the drink, romanticized or not, over my self and my responsibilities as a father and a husband I drank. Call it a disease, and addiction, a darkness, a demon - the truth is that I valued it over the rest of my life. I lied and cheated and made accommodations for my love and my addiction to alcohol. Once I, finally, after many years and failures and excuses, placed the value of my family and my self above the value I gave to alcohol and my addiction, I became sober.
I didn't mean to offend. Hope you find the strength and path to put the booze down.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by tomsteve
welcome, lmti and glad youre here.
I don't back out of a drinking situation
is it that you dont or cant? is the mental obsession so strong you cant find the willpower to say no?
I don't back out of a drinking situation
is it that you dont or cant? is the mental obsession so strong you cant find the willpower to say no?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
.
Welcome Imti ,
Work nights also ,.... and although our liquor stores close at 7pm in wet counties ,..our 24 stores sell wine and beer . My first few weeks were nightmarish with the sleep deprivation withdrawals caused .
My body and mind were so deranged from years of 3 handles a week ,.... the first month seemed an eternity .
You can do this !
Welcome Imti ,
Work nights also ,.... and although our liquor stores close at 7pm in wet counties ,..our 24 stores sell wine and beer . My first few weeks were nightmarish with the sleep deprivation withdrawals caused .
My body and mind were so deranged from years of 3 handles a week ,.... the first month seemed an eternity .
You can do this !
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by Imti
First time I admitted I had a drinking problem was to my wife, a year ago, my first honesty over my plight. And the struggle is still on. I hope this will finally be the last journey towards a new leash of life. Thank you so much for your insight, support and letting me know I am not standing alone in this struggle.
Admitting it to my wife, years ago, was a step for me as well. But it's all internal in the end - I hid and snuck and lied for so long. I was at battle with my self - as I know you are now.
What resources outside of SR do you have or plan to use? I found Rational Recovery to be of great help. Plenty of AA people here will give you great insight as to that path.
There's a better life for us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by DontRemember
I agree..When I was 'lost' in addiction I mainly cared about two things; Alcohol/drugs and money to buy more alcohol/drugs. Sure I loved my family/friends,but without my 'fix' I was worthless to everyone..in my warped mind. It was a vicious cyclye that got 99% of my attention. Once you get more sober days behind you it does get easier. I now go to bars/drinking events/host parties and never even think about drinking. Ofcourse the 'drunks', like old me, are a reminder of why I don't drink anymore. It took me about 3 months to get my head focused on other things besides just 'not drinking today',but it did come. Hang in there and take it one day at a time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by Dee74
I never thought I could make Friday night sober until I did.
I never thought I could make a week sober until I did.
I never thought I could play a gig sober til I did.
A friend of mine used to be in one of those precision driving teams.
He's always said - keep your eyes on the middle distance...look at where you want to be - focus on that point and you'll get there....
works for recovery too
D
I never thought I could make a week sober until I did.
I never thought I could play a gig sober til I did.
A friend of mine used to be in one of those precision driving teams.
He's always said - keep your eyes on the middle distance...look at where you want to be - focus on that point and you'll get there....
works for recovery too
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
I know where you are coming from. I'm sitting in my nemesis right now. See, I took my alcoholism to a professional level. I own a wine bar/restaurant.
I spend 60+ hours a week sitting in a bar. Before I sobered up I'd take my first drink when I got to work at 10 AM and sip all day long. I'm surrounded by alcohol and distributors come every day with free samples that their bosses want to see tasted.
It is hard to learn how to avoid the temptation and I'm sure the stress of it has made it a little harder for me to be around any kind of drinking as my life is already surrounded by it.
I feel your pain but you can do it! It's just a matter of keeping your head down and suffering through those brief moments where the AV screams at you.
I spend 60+ hours a week sitting in a bar. Before I sobered up I'd take my first drink when I got to work at 10 AM and sip all day long. I'm surrounded by alcohol and distributors come every day with free samples that their bosses want to see tasted.
It is hard to learn how to avoid the temptation and I'm sure the stress of it has made it a little harder for me to be around any kind of drinking as my life is already surrounded by it.
I feel your pain but you can do it! It's just a matter of keeping your head down and suffering through those brief moments where the AV screams at you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: St Louis, MO
Posts: 539
lmti
Truthfully we all start wanting to quit and feeling like it simply can't be done.
It is not simple and yet completely simple.
I quit for three years. I had thought about it plenty, tried to get started several times, read lots of reasons why I should, saw evidence in my life of why I should and just returned to drinking after a couple days battle. I then just made the simple decision not to drink NOW...not forever...just for NOW. I saw how that went, examined how much better each moment of the day was going and carried on. Committed to a week, then another. Made a 30 day goal, then 60 etc.
Why did I return? Still sorting that out, but know this...I remember the magic in just making that simple decision not to drink. I made it again 5 days ago. Just make it and open yourself up to experiencing the positive things that happen as you spend time sober. Embrace them and enjoy not worrying about all troubles drinking was presenting you. Think of it as simply turning a corner and trying something better for a while. Don't let passing the nemesis each night be a big decision each night. Make the simple choice long before you get there. Arm yourself with non alcoholic beverages to drink as you pass and focus on the family waiting for you. Keep it simple. Today I am embracing sobriety. Alcohol will always be there, but right now I am giving something better a try. Good luck...and keep posting. It helped me long ago and helping now!
Truthfully we all start wanting to quit and feeling like it simply can't be done.
It is not simple and yet completely simple.
I quit for three years. I had thought about it plenty, tried to get started several times, read lots of reasons why I should, saw evidence in my life of why I should and just returned to drinking after a couple days battle. I then just made the simple decision not to drink NOW...not forever...just for NOW. I saw how that went, examined how much better each moment of the day was going and carried on. Committed to a week, then another. Made a 30 day goal, then 60 etc.
Why did I return? Still sorting that out, but know this...I remember the magic in just making that simple decision not to drink. I made it again 5 days ago. Just make it and open yourself up to experiencing the positive things that happen as you spend time sober. Embrace them and enjoy not worrying about all troubles drinking was presenting you. Think of it as simply turning a corner and trying something better for a while. Don't let passing the nemesis each night be a big decision each night. Make the simple choice long before you get there. Arm yourself with non alcoholic beverages to drink as you pass and focus on the family waiting for you. Keep it simple. Today I am embracing sobriety. Alcohol will always be there, but right now I am giving something better a try. Good luck...and keep posting. It helped me long ago and helping now!
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