bted43

I know what you're thinking "you never 'accidentally' drink too much" ... well in this case I did. I quit drinking for 6 months last year and it was great, but of course I fell off the wagon and started drinking again, however it's been A LOT less and not nearly as often. I still find myself struggling with once I start drinking I have a tough time stopping. To try and keep myself out of trouble I stick with low calorie beers and wine coolers since they're usually pretty low in alcohol content.

The other night the hubby stopped and picked me up some sangria wine coolers (never tried these particular ones before). It was a nice night out and the kids were playing outside so him and I each grabbed a drink (he had a beer and I grabbed one of the wine coolers). We both drank them rather fast and since dinner wasn't quite done we grabbed a second round. I was feeling a little "buzzy" but chalked that up to the heat and just downing it too quickly. I got a call from a friend and was chatting with her while sipping on my 2nd wine cooler. After about 30 minutes on the phone I realized my speech was slurring and I was feeling REALLY out of it (at this point I was almost done with drink #2). I stood up and felt DRUNK and I mean WASTED, room spinning, stumbling, bumbling DRUNK. I get off the phone and stumble in the house. Hubs just pulled out dinner and I immediately start horking down food hoping that will do something ... it doesn't. A few minutes later I'm hugging the toilet. My husband comes in and checks on me and asks me if I think I have the flu or food poisoning. I said I felt like I was drunk but it didn't make sense since all I had were the 2 wine coolers. End up passing out on the bathroom floor (which I haven't done since probably my mid 20's so ... that was not fun) Wake up about 3am and crawl into bed feeling like I'm going to die. Basically spend the whole next day/ following night in bed sleeping.

Finally today I look up the brand of wine cooler I was drinking to see if anyone else has ever had this happen to them ... oh yeah ... they have ... because what I was drinking wasn't a "wine cooler" is was a malt beverage that had 13.9% alcohol in it! There were NUMEROUS articles on how strong it is and people saying they're sloshed after just ONE! .... and I had TWO! I looked at the bottle and sure enough it said "13.9%" on the bottle in small letters at the bottom! Of course I was pouring them over ice so I never thought to look at the bottle. When I said something to my husband he said they were right by all the other wine coolers and just grabbed them.

Well now I'm feeling just absolutely horrible/ guilty. I missed a day of work (I've NEVER missed work due to drinking - even when I was at my worst I'd still plug through my day) so I feel like the worlds worst employee. The friend I was on the phone with also knows I've struggled with alcohol issues in the past. I've talked to her since then and she asked me if I was drunk while we were talking the other night and I immediately denied it (I'm absolutely mortified) but like ... she knows ... and it doesn't help that's the first time we've talked on the phone in like a year so now I feel like she must think that's still me every night - just getting tanked 24/7!

I threw the remaining 2 bottles of the demon drink away and have learned a valuable lesson in checking everything before you drink it ... but I still feel horrible ... and embarrassed ... and horrible. Did I mention I feel horrible?

I know I should come clean to my friend but I feel so STUPID. Anyone have any suggestions?

Dee74

hi bted

welcome to SR

I understand you thought they were low alcohol, but I think that anytime a drinker like us drinks again - no matter what the strength or the volume - we're in trouble....

For me, I've had to accept that it's the first drink that starts the madness, not the last.

I think you should be honest with your friend, and be honest with yourself too. Sobriety's important - we really can't cheat at it.

D

lessgravity

Not sure what "coming clean" to your friend means here. Sounds like you have a problem with alcohol, which your friend is already aware of. Do you mean telling your friend that you were drinking at all? Or "confessing" that you made a mistake and drank high % booze thinking it was low? Or you mean lying about drinking? Either way, that's certainly not the take-away I get from reading your post. I'm struck by these statements:

Lots going on there. Very little having to do with what your friend thinks. And if there are lessons to be learned, checking the alcohol content doesn't seem to be one of them, to me.

ProfessorD

What a miserable time!

Sounds like you can blame those wine coolers for this round of toilet hugging and guilt, but if you quit for 6 months before it must have been because you've had similar experiences? Most people on this site, including myself, don't find moderation enjoyable or even possible in the long term. Plus if you don't drink at all, you don't have to worry about drinking gross 13.9 wine coolers ever again!

MissPerfumado

I feel a lot of empathy for you reading this.

On this site, we tend not to encourage moderation because most of us have tried it and failed miserably. I know I couldn't moderate and it's just so much easier for me to draw a line at alcohol and never drink it again.

All that said however, you haven't sought advice on the way you've chosen to moderate. And you haven't come here asking for help to quit drinking. What you've done is ask about what you should do about your friend.

I think you should tell your friend that you had chugged through 2 very high alcoholic content beverages and that you were sloshed, but it was completely unintended. You didn't mean to, so what't the harm in admitting it?! You might even add that you've been really good about minimising your drinking for the last few months and you're kind of upset about it. If she's a friend, she should understand.

And so you missed a day at work - that's not the end of the world.

I think this is mostly a non-issue and am not sure why you're so worried about it.
This is a sobriety website, and your question is of the "Ask Amy" etiquette dilemma type.

Writing this is making me wonder if there's not some other motivation beneath all this ... that you secretly think you should stop drinking altogether or something?

But that's drawing a long bow.

If ever you do have trouble moderating in the future (and it's entirely possible you may successfully moderate for the rest of your life), and wish to stop altogether, this is an excellent site for support to do that.

Yixi

Hi Bted43 - I hope that you're starting to feel better.

Just my personal opinion, but I would be drawing the long bow alongside MissPerfumado on this one. It's just that the above sentence rung loud alarm bells for me. As others before me on this thread have correctly said - if it's a struggle to stop once you start then it's probably a good idea not to start?

Wishing you well, Yix x

DreamCatcher17

My suggestion is if you have issues with alcohol maybe STOP drinking altogether?

Anna

I agree that stopping drinking will solve your problem. Moderating alcohol intake for alcoholics is darn near impossible. Most of us here have tried multiple times and failed. Are you ready to stop drinking?

gymratgirl

Please don't take this as encouragement to continue drinking.

I do, however, think you may have had an allergic reaction to something in the malt or drink. I have a friend who isn't an alcoholic, rarely ever drinks. She got violently ill and appeared highly intoxicated after drinking a glass of wine at a vineyard. Everything you described is what she experienced. It was something in the grape or processing of the wine that she had reaction to. She has several allergies in general, so she is more prone to this from what the doctor said.

Again, that isn't confirmation that you should be drinking anything. If anything, it should scare you as you don't know what other alcohols could have this impact on you.

August252015

Dare I cut to the chase and submit that if one of us chooses to drink....we should also know WHAT we are drinking? I know I would look at the bottle of wine and probably lovingly read the label, noting the alc content for sure!

There just is no accidental drinking. We can put a long few paragraphs after that intro or "share" - but it's simply irrelevant. And, things with other people? Drama, when our minds are spinning with these kind of addict thoughts.

Caralara144

I don't think moderation would work as you've stated once you start drinking you can't stop ...that was my problem and id say pretty much everyone else's here to
I can't tell you to stop drinking
You've already done that ...
Moderated drinking sounds wonderful in an ideal world ..(A glass of wine here ... A glass of wine there ) ....
It dosnt exist for people like us
It's the danger zone ...One drink ....
BANG########
I wish you all the luck in the world ...
Cara

BrandNewDay11

Hi and welcome bted43. In reading your posts I see you only asked for advice on what to tell your friend who suspected you were drunk on the phone, but you also mentioned several times that alcohol has been a problem for you in the past. I'm not sure if you're looking for opinions on that or not so I'll be brief in my thoughts.

I think you should tell the friend the truth--that you thought you were drinking a maybe 4 or 5% "wine cooler" but it was actually something 3 times that strength, and that you answered "no" about being drunk on impulse because you were embarrassed and didn't want her to think you do that all the time.

I did get a vibe that you are still struggling with alcohol--you said "Of course" I fell off the wagon (as if you have done so many times in the past) and admitted it's hard to stop once you start. As others have pointed out, we have ALL been there, and while I won't go so far as to say it's impossible for anyone with this problem to eventually moderate, it is extremely rare. For me, moderation is impossible. And I know I had achieved various stretches of extended sobriety over the years only to go back to "moderating" but always eventually wound up back where I started, drinking too often and too much.

Drinking light beer and wine coolers because it seems "safer" is also a trick most of us have tried. When I tried the lower alcohol drinks I just drank twice as much. I also used to switch to drinks I didn't like "as much", like vodka and soda instead of my preferred drink (beer).

Ultimately every attempt I made to moderate my drinking that didn't involve complete abstinence failed. And I fought for decades to not admit that to myself.

Good luck to you and we are here for you if you decide to stay. This is a great source of support and resources!

calmself

OP, I am kinda surprised that you could not tell a 14% drink vs say something like coors light. Even if you cannot tell by taste, such a high abv drink should hit like a jackhammer in few minutes - there's no need to even look at a label.

Personally,I would have been wasted/blacked out by end of Drink 1. Of course, that's all my capacity is, but my head would have started spinning even after a few sips.

Sometimes these 'accidents' are not accidents after all. You might have realized it was strong, but the AV inside would say "Hey you guessed it right...but do not look at that label and spoil your evening. Enjoy for now". Think through if it happened by any chance, that you realized it was a strong drink but decide to carry on anyways. If yes, then you should probably be a regular here.

blueberry2015

Just think in the six months you were sober, you didnt have to worry about anything like this at all! You said yourself it was great. Just food for thought x

Bullwinkle1944

Dee74 Moderator writes>>>I understand you thought they were low alcohol, but I think that anytime a drinker like us drinks again - no matter what the strength or the volume - we're in trouble....<<<

RE: Volume, it’s a matter of definition, and I define volume as any amount even trace amounts. I eat whole foods, nothing processed, mostly organic. I make from scratch, what’s called French Vanilla that I add to my coffee every morning and one of the ingredients is pure vanilla extract which is 70 Proof (35% alcohol). Many foods humans eat are fermented, some contain alcohol. My favorite ice cream is Haagen-Dazs Rum Raisin and the raisins are soaked in real rum. I’ve been eating like this for at least 36 years and I haven’t had trouble.

I’ve known and still know many recovered alcoholics, that won’t go anywhere near alcohol, yet many are not aware that some of their diet contains alcohol which occurs naturally.

I’ve known and still know many recovered alcoholics, that won’t go anywhere near alcohol, yet many are not aware that some of their diet contains alcohol which occurs naturally.

Dee74 Moderator writes>>>For me, I've had to accept that it's the first drink that starts the madness, not the last.<<<

My sobriety is based on intent, in that, my intent was to drink, this was my madness, my intent wasn’t a result of my first drink.

Years ago, unknowingly I finished a sweet drink that was made with alcohol, no madness, no craving, no desire to have another drink, because there was no intent.

I don’t agree with everything that’s written in the text Alcoholics Anonymous, but I do agree with this……….

Page 23, “the main problem of the alcoholic centers in the mind, rather than the body”.

Page 35, “So we shall describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem”. The Crux of the problem is mental / emotional issues or as you shared madness, thus it’s not the first drink, the last drink, or any drink in between.

Page 64, “Our liquor was but a symptom. So, we had to get down to causes and conditions. Therefore, we stated on a personal inventory”.

Chapter 2, THERE IS A SOLUTION, Page 25, "Almost none of us liked the self-searching the leveling of pride, the confession of shortcoming, which the process requires for its successful consummation”.

The purpose of AA’s 12 Step model is to get from Step One to Step Two. Step One is acknowledging the problem, and my unmanageability. Step 2 is the destination via self-examination which is Steps Four through Nine. Then as one enters Step Ten on Page 84, it reads, “And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned”. (Step Two) The madness is gone.

My self-examination was taken on my behavior (the problem, me), not on my alcoholism which was the symptom, the indicator of the problem which is me. For, if I’m not the problem, there is no solution. This is why I realized years ago that AA or any other recovery model is not about drinking, the symptom, it’s about the problem, me!

Dee74

Those 'for me' statements are the results of many years posting here Bullwinkle.
I'm no longer surprised at what someone else can disagree with

That's whats so good about SR tho - you can share your experience, and me mine, someone else theirs, and everyone benefits....

bted I hope you come back - there was some straight talking here, but all done with the best of intention I think

D

Gottalife

Intentional or accidental? I don't think I have met any alcoholics who intended to do the crazy things they did after taking the fatal first drink. I mean if they did, if they intentionally set out to get plastered and deliberately threaten the lives of the people around them, they would be very bad people in my book.

My intent was to have a good time, by taking a few drinks. Nothing more. The idea that I could actually do that was the accident waiting to happen. The obsession of the mind won the day. Then it went way beyond intent, once the craving kicked in. I have a vivid memory of the frustration of landing in the lock up yet again, when that had been the furthest thing from my mind when I took the fatal first drink that day

I keep thinking of an analogy. Don't know if its particularly good, but say I have a muscular disorder that means I have trouble controlling my movements. It is very dangerous for me to use knives, but I have an obsession with one day being able to chop up my own vegatables.

So I get my veges and my knife. My intent is to chop the veges. I accidentally shop my finger off. Didn't intend to do that but once I started chopping I had no control. The problem began in my mind, the consequence came unintentionally. I had not recognised the danger in my actions, I actually thought it would be OK this time.

So I guess I am in both camps here. The problem in my mind condemned me to pick up the fatal first drink, from which point total loss of control ensued, despite any intentions. Insanity before and after the first drink.

lessgravity

How are you today Bted?

andy1

I'm really interested in this thread. I've always thought that I accidentally got drunk many times. in fact, everytime I got drunk......it wasn't me that did it. It was a different person / idiot and I never really chose to drink, it just happened.

I think now I've started to take responsibility for my actions.

Gottalife

Hey Andy, if you are an alcoholic of my type in generally comes down to two issues, control and choice. I drank because I couldn't not drink. Though on many occasions my intent was to not drink, a strange quirk of the mind defeated the sane reasoning, and I took the fatal first drink.

Having taken it I was then "in the grip of a craving beyond my capacity to control." In otherwords, getting and staying drunk for as long as I could was inevitable. Behaviour, operating my alcohol soaked brain, was that of an "Insanely drunk" person.

The responsibility I had, that I could do something about, was to find a way to ensure that the sound reasoning that should keep me sober, would remain operative at all times. That required more power than I possessed on my unaided resources. So I had to find some power.

Though AA was among the first to properly address alcholism, the problem goes back many thousands of years. It gets a mention in the bible in a few places. Also, the malady of the seeming inability to do the right thing gets a mention in Romans. This was the key frustration, the constant letting myself down, the betrayal of my own values that eventually made me so miserable I was willing to go to any lengths to end it.

Roughly it goes like this:

"I do not understand my own behaviour. I set out to do the things I want to do, and end up doing the things I hate. For though the will to do the right thing is in me, the performance is not". Described me to a tee.