I am messing up.... and making it worse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 115
Hello Rar - it is so lovely of you to ask, and thank you
Yesterday I committed to the 24hr recovery, I felt so positive and checked on the thread regularly to keep me motivated and focused on the 'small jobs' I had prepared to do today.
I did the 24 hrs!!!
But now it is hard , as I only did half of my list
It wasn't even a big list!
It's 4pm (UK) and I feel like I am climbing the walls. After an awful nights sleep (freaky dreams), I am tired, grumpy and resentful of the week to come. On the up side, I have eaten a more today that usual - not exactly healthy food I admit, but a definite improvement on my general volume intake.
(I don't have any eating disorders, just a naturally very small frame in line with the rest of my family, and of course drinking does not help so it may be smaller)
I hope I haven't been a downer, because telling it how it has been has eased me.
Thank you Rar, and this thread for asking and hearing me, big hugs and much gratitude
xx
Yesterday I committed to the 24hr recovery, I felt so positive and checked on the thread regularly to keep me motivated and focused on the 'small jobs' I had prepared to do today.
I did the 24 hrs!!!
But now it is hard , as I only did half of my list
It wasn't even a big list!
It's 4pm (UK) and I feel like I am climbing the walls. After an awful nights sleep (freaky dreams), I am tired, grumpy and resentful of the week to come. On the up side, I have eaten a more today that usual - not exactly healthy food I admit, but a definite improvement on my general volume intake.
(I don't have any eating disorders, just a naturally very small frame in line with the rest of my family, and of course drinking does not help so it may be smaller)
I hope I haven't been a downer, because telling it how it has been has eased me.
Thank you Rar, and this thread for asking and hearing me, big hugs and much gratitude
xx
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by nightshade131 
Thanks BerryBean, I have looked at Dees recovery plans - they are very helpful, it's one thing I will be doing tomorrow in preparation for a very busy working week
Mistory, I am humbled that my post helped you. I have no illusions about my journey and am sure there will be tough days. However, coming here and being honest about my drinking has helped so much. Not being judged and getting support is invaluable! Well done for stopping and thank you especially for your post xx
Mistory, I am humbled that my post helped you. I have no illusions about my journey and am sure there will be tough days. However, coming here and being honest about my drinking has helped so much. Not being judged and getting support is invaluable! Well done for stopping and thank you especially for your post xx
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Nightshade - please don't be disappointed or impatient with yourself. It's a big change you're making - getting free of drinking & changing your way of life. I was resentful & very frustrated in the early days. Everything felt strange - I was disoriented. It's normal, after all we've put our bodies through. Things will ease up - don't be discouraged. You're going to do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 115
Mistory, it is great to hear you sound so positive! I felt so 'erratic' yesterday - emotions were all over the place and I was dreading today (it's 6am and I am getting ready for work and then I have an exam tonight for a course I am taking).
Last night I listened to a relaxation audio before bed - and fell asleep before it finished. A good nights sleep can make a HUGE difference.
Thank you Hevyn, for your regular comments - I have always noted them and really appreciate it. I read the article '5 feelings that are normal in early sobriety' from this site which eased my anxiety somewhat, but actually having someone tell me that makes a deeper impression.
I also really like your 'footote' about the soul which was forgotten - that really struck a chord with me.
xx
Last night I listened to a relaxation audio before bed - and fell asleep before it finished. A good nights sleep can make a HUGE difference.
Thank you Hevyn, for your regular comments - I have always noted them and really appreciate it. I read the article '5 feelings that are normal in early sobriety' from this site which eased my anxiety somewhat, but actually having someone tell me that makes a deeper impression.
I also really like your 'footote' about the soul which was forgotten - that really struck a chord with me.
xx
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,955
Originally Posted by Dee74
Its a myth that people have to hit bottom before they get help and turn things around.
You can get off the down elevator any time you like.
Get some help for your anxiety, build a support network and use it, do something for your recovery every day, make changes in your life to reflect your desire to be sober. ...
Being in recovery is a lot more than just trying not to drink
Have a recovery action plan drawn up and ready for those times you find yourself in trouble.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
you can do this
D
You can get off the down elevator any time you like.
Get some help for your anxiety, build a support network and use it, do something for your recovery every day, make changes in your life to reflect your desire to be sober. ...
Being in recovery is a lot more than just trying not to drink
Have a recovery action plan drawn up and ready for those times you find yourself in trouble.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
you can do this
D
Over the last 2 years, it worsened and peaked to about 15 drinks per week. A little too much than my body could handle (I blackout at 3rd pint). I could have gone like this on and on but decided enough was enough. Now I have to put in the effort of undoing the 15 years of drinking slowly, one day at a time. But I am happy I realized before anything major happened. Form your own plan depending on how bad it has made your life in the past.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
One of THE BEST things I learned in my 6 week inpatient treatment was to stop trying to fix and do everything all at once. Slow down, and give yourself one doable task and be realistic with your current circumstances how much you can get done in one day.
I had the most intense 6 week inpatient that we never stopped. Until bedtime. When I left I left with a calendar with one decent size task scheduled in for one day but not one after another.
I also got into the habit of keeping a "rolling to-do list", as I like to call it. I keep a note book or note pad and I write lists of what needs to be done for today, and what for tomorrow. More of a reminders because I am very forgetful. I keep things- EVERYTHING in a calendar with e-reminders as well.
Instead of using it a reason to beat myself over what I get done, I write in my list every day, add to it, scratch things off of it, and then the next day I start with a new list, check over yesterdays, do the same thing. I can see what I've gotten done each day, and what I need to do. I use it both at home and at work.
But seriously, early recovery is tough and we are super sensitive. Be gentle with yourself. Have naps. Be ok to let things go that don't matter so much. You don't want to push yourself to that breaking point where we go, "ahh, F it".
It happens when we are tired, unhappy and frustrated... being ok with not being ok with everything has to fit in there somewhere. That's why we get sober. Don't let your AV any room for play. Hug yourself.
You're on the right track. keep going my friend.
I had the most intense 6 week inpatient that we never stopped. Until bedtime. When I left I left with a calendar with one decent size task scheduled in for one day but not one after another.
I also got into the habit of keeping a "rolling to-do list", as I like to call it. I keep a note book or note pad and I write lists of what needs to be done for today, and what for tomorrow. More of a reminders because I am very forgetful. I keep things- EVERYTHING in a calendar with e-reminders as well.
Instead of using it a reason to beat myself over what I get done, I write in my list every day, add to it, scratch things off of it, and then the next day I start with a new list, check over yesterdays, do the same thing. I can see what I've gotten done each day, and what I need to do. I use it both at home and at work.
But seriously, early recovery is tough and we are super sensitive. Be gentle with yourself. Have naps. Be ok to let things go that don't matter so much. You don't want to push yourself to that breaking point where we go, "ahh, F it".
It happens when we are tired, unhappy and frustrated... being ok with not being ok with everything has to fit in there somewhere. That's why we get sober. Don't let your AV any room for play. Hug yourself.
You're on the right track. keep going my friend.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Hang in there Nightshade. This is not the best you're going to feel. Every day you will gain a stronger foothold on sobriety. As with life, some days will be diamonds and some days will be stones (Neil Diamond). Keep following your plan. Remember to post here when you feel weak. 
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Delizadee
One of THE BEST things I learned in my 6 week inpatient treatment was to stop trying to fix and do everything all at once. Slow down, and give yourself one doable task and be realistic with your current circumstances how much you can get done in one day.
I had the most intense 6 week inpatient that we never stopped. Until bedtime. When I left I left with a calendar with one decent size task scheduled in for one day but not one after another.
I also got into the habit of keeping a "rolling to-do list", as I like to call it. I keep a note book or note pad and I write lists of what needs to be done for today, and what for tomorrow. More of a reminders because I am very forgetful. I keep things- EVERYTHING in a calendar with e-reminders as well.
Instead of using it a reason to beat myself over what I get done, I write in my list every day, add to it, scratch things off of it, and then the next day I start with a new list, check over yesterdays, do the same thing. I can see what I've gotten done each day, and what I need to do. I use it both at home and at work.
But seriously, early recovery is tough and we are super sensitive. Be gentle with yourself. Have naps. Be ok to let things go that don't matter so much. You don't want to push yourself to that breaking point where we go, "ahh, F it".
It happens when we are tired, unhappy and frustrated... being ok with not being ok with everything has to fit in there somewhere. That's why we get sober. Don't let your AV any room for play. Hug yourself. You're on the right track. keep going my friend.
I had the most intense 6 week inpatient that we never stopped. Until bedtime. When I left I left with a calendar with one decent size task scheduled in for one day but not one after another.
I also got into the habit of keeping a "rolling to-do list", as I like to call it. I keep a note book or note pad and I write lists of what needs to be done for today, and what for tomorrow. More of a reminders because I am very forgetful. I keep things- EVERYTHING in a calendar with e-reminders as well.
Instead of using it a reason to beat myself over what I get done, I write in my list every day, add to it, scratch things off of it, and then the next day I start with a new list, check over yesterdays, do the same thing. I can see what I've gotten done each day, and what I need to do. I use it both at home and at work.
But seriously, early recovery is tough and we are super sensitive. Be gentle with yourself. Have naps. Be ok to let things go that don't matter so much. You don't want to push yourself to that breaking point where we go, "ahh, F it".
It happens when we are tired, unhappy and frustrated... being ok with not being ok with everything has to fit in there somewhere. That's why we get sober. Don't let your AV any room for play. Hug yourself.
You're on the right track. keep going my friend.It's a process and as much as I wanted to skip ahead in thought, mind, emotional, physical healing.....time takes time as is often (sometimes annoyingly) said.
Keep going- the days can build and you can take them in as tiny of increments as you need.
Stay with us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 115
Hello everyone,
I am back at Day 1 today
I really struggled yesterday at work trying to keep focused. Then I went to college to do my assessment - and failed it. AND it was a re-sit! So instead of trying to deal with it, I felt defeated and sorry for myself and bought some drink. Drank the whole bottle and then called in sick at work.
God, I feel worse than I did yesterday and I still have important things to sort out today. I know everyone says it's hard at first and to be patient... but, I don't know... just feel like I am losing the plot.
I feel thoroughly ashamed. It's almost 11am and I still haven't got out of bed
Thank you for all your comments - when I calm down a bit more I will re-read them all and make notes in my 'Sobriety Book'
xx
I am back at Day 1 today
I really struggled yesterday at work trying to keep focused. Then I went to college to do my assessment - and failed it. AND it was a re-sit! So instead of trying to deal with it, I felt defeated and sorry for myself and bought some drink. Drank the whole bottle and then called in sick at work.
God, I feel worse than I did yesterday and I still have important things to sort out today. I know everyone says it's hard at first and to be patient... but, I don't know... just feel like I am losing the plot.
I feel thoroughly ashamed. It's almost 11am and I still haven't got out of bed
Thank you for all your comments - when I calm down a bit more I will re-read them all and make notes in my 'Sobriety Book'
xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Awwww, Nightshade. I am sorry you drank. Yeah, you do have a tough day ahead, made even worse by the way you feel. Push through today and you will have a feeling of accomplishment, knowing you achieved something under tough circumstances. You're not losing. Get up, dust yourself off and begin again. You CAN do this! ((HUGS))
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