Finally accepting it's my time to be real
formerly luvSOBERlife
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: East Tennessee USA
Posts: 116
Finally accepting it's my time to be real
Hello everyone. I'm very new here but I plan to stay for a long time. I turned 44 yesterday and gave myself a great birthday present - sobriety. Quitting on my birthday was my idea and decision alone mostly because it was just time to do it. It's also easier to remember the first day of my new life without alcohol. Reading all of your experiences has been eye opening. I can't believe I'm at the point where I am adding mine.
I'm the only son of an alcoholic whose father was also a drinker. My father had many issues but never broke away from this poison and eventually it killed him at age 54. I recently realized I was becoming him.
I am an alcoholic, clearly. I cannot control my drinking. For the last few years I drank everyday for most of the day. I was up to a half-gallon of vodka in 2 days, sometimes more. A fifth is never enough for one day. How I still have an even slightly healthy liver, I don't know.
I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and a few anxiety disorders to boot but I've been in complete denial about alcohol's role in all of that. So, I inherited problems with my nervous system and neurotransmitters that make it difficult for me to regulate my emotions. To top that off I've been pouring large amounts of alcohol onto that fire for decades now. Absolutely terrible. I'll need at least one full year sober to assess what it's been doing to me all this time.
I've only been sober for 2 days now. Not much at all I know but longer than any time in the last 8 months. But I really feel different this time. I'm under no illusion anymore that I can drink in moderation, only on "special occasions", or anything like that. I know that if I ever drink again I'll pick up right up right where I left off. I'm also certain that I have poisoned my body for so long that it's becoming dependent on alcohol more and more. I will definitely reach a point soon where the physical urge will become a need and quitting will become exponentially more difficult. My father reached that point earlier in his life but never stopped. I will not let alcohol kill me.
I know it's only been 2 days but I have to quit drinking forever. I will not have a single drink ever again. It's not going to be easy. I have to find strategies to deal with why I drink and triggers and all that. And I have to keep talking about this everyday and keep thinking about it constantly. I can never let my guard down. I'm so proud to be doing this and to be one of you. At least I'm getting my self respect back. I haven't had that for awhile now.
Thank you for hearing me rant. I'm so glad you all are here.
I'm the only son of an alcoholic whose father was also a drinker. My father had many issues but never broke away from this poison and eventually it killed him at age 54. I recently realized I was becoming him.
I am an alcoholic, clearly. I cannot control my drinking. For the last few years I drank everyday for most of the day. I was up to a half-gallon of vodka in 2 days, sometimes more. A fifth is never enough for one day. How I still have an even slightly healthy liver, I don't know.
I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and a few anxiety disorders to boot but I've been in complete denial about alcohol's role in all of that. So, I inherited problems with my nervous system and neurotransmitters that make it difficult for me to regulate my emotions. To top that off I've been pouring large amounts of alcohol onto that fire for decades now. Absolutely terrible. I'll need at least one full year sober to assess what it's been doing to me all this time.
I've only been sober for 2 days now. Not much at all I know but longer than any time in the last 8 months. But I really feel different this time. I'm under no illusion anymore that I can drink in moderation, only on "special occasions", or anything like that. I know that if I ever drink again I'll pick up right up right where I left off. I'm also certain that I have poisoned my body for so long that it's becoming dependent on alcohol more and more. I will definitely reach a point soon where the physical urge will become a need and quitting will become exponentially more difficult. My father reached that point earlier in his life but never stopped. I will not let alcohol kill me.
I know it's only been 2 days but I have to quit drinking forever. I will not have a single drink ever again. It's not going to be easy. I have to find strategies to deal with why I drink and triggers and all that. And I have to keep talking about this everyday and keep thinking about it constantly. I can never let my guard down. I'm so proud to be doing this and to be one of you. At least I'm getting my self respect back. I haven't had that for awhile now.
Thank you for hearing me rant. I'm so glad you all are here.
Getting sober was the best thing I've ever done for myself. You'll find lots of support here. I hope we can help you stay sober for good. 
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
We're glad you're here with us, luvSOBERlife. This place saved me when I was drinking 'round the clock. I failed to get sober in my 40's, as you plan to. I was determined to use willpower to control myself so I wouldn't have to give it up entirely. As a result, I put myself & others in danger - stayed in a numb & foggy state most of the time, & missed out on years of my life.
I'm glad you realize what needs to happen. It's a wonderful gift you're giving yourself. Welcome!
I'm glad you realize what needs to happen. It's a wonderful gift you're giving yourself. Welcome!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Welcome and I'm glad you found us and that you have decided to live a sober life. It's always a good idea to have a plan in place for how you intend to proceed. You will get lots of good ideas and support here and I hope that you continue to read and post.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Welcome. I quit at 42. It was the best decision of my life.
You sound clear and realistic about your problem, the seriousness of it, and the solution.
This site helped me so much - it's impossible to overstate how much. I recommend reading and posting daily. I did that for the first few months and it was a godsend in the early period of sobriety when everything was fresh and new and uncertain. It gave me so much knowledge which forearmed me greatly.
Also, you could join the May 2018 class. You can post daily - which helps with accountability - and through it find companionship with others who have around the same quit date as you. I recommend that too.
You sound clear and realistic about your problem, the seriousness of it, and the solution.
This site helped me so much - it's impossible to overstate how much. I recommend reading and posting daily. I did that for the first few months and it was a godsend in the early period of sobriety when everything was fresh and new and uncertain. It gave me so much knowledge which forearmed me greatly.
Also, you could join the May 2018 class. You can post daily - which helps with accountability - and through it find companionship with others who have around the same quit date as you. I recommend that too.
formerly luvSOBERlife
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: East Tennessee USA
Posts: 116
(Day 3 of the rest of my sober life.)
Thank you everyone for reading my story and for your heartfelt responses. I'm glad I was able to convey the level of seriousness I have in my post (I was overwhelmed with emotion many times writing I had to stop a few times). I have two young, beautiful daughters and I will never put them through what my father put us through.
I appreciate any and all advice and I will take all of it to heart. I've become part of the class of May 2018 and I'll be coming to SR daily, at a minimum, to read and post for as long as this site is around. I really love this place. That's the minimum I'll be doing every day.
From your incredible examples, I'm embracing sobriety and I'm not going to allow myself to miss anything about drinking. It already feels like the best decision I've ever made.
Thank you everyone for reading my story and for your heartfelt responses. I'm glad I was able to convey the level of seriousness I have in my post (I was overwhelmed with emotion many times writing I had to stop a few times). I have two young, beautiful daughters and I will never put them through what my father put us through.
I appreciate any and all advice and I will take all of it to heart. I've become part of the class of May 2018 and I'll be coming to SR daily, at a minimum, to read and post for as long as this site is around. I really love this place. That's the minimum I'll be doing every day.
From your incredible examples, I'm embracing sobriety and I'm not going to allow myself to miss anything about drinking. It already feels like the best decision I've ever made.
Last edited by Distorted Me; 05-20-2018 at 04:42 AM. Reason: added my day count
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 166
Hello and welcome LSL, the way you express the realization of your problem reminds me of myself. I am 45 and quit around 15 months ago and I can say that your assessment of the situation is correct. Now do what you know you need to do and do not waver, life gets better.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Welcome man and congrats on Day 3. I'm 41 and after being here for many years, trying and failing, have finally gotten myself over the bridge to the sober side of life. I have a son and a baby on the way. They are so much of why I finally have gotten here.
Keep reading and posting. There's a better life for us.
Thank you for your post and your honesty.
Keep reading and posting. There's a better life for us.
Thank you for your post and your honesty.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Welcome to SR luvSOBERlife!
Wow you have some fire in your belly! I can sense your determination and I congratulate you for taking such a firm stance from the off.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your father to this horrendous addiction. My worst nightmare is that my girls will follow in my footsteps as I'm sure you're is too.
It is indeed the best thing you will ever do for yourself and your family. The journey is rocky but never doubt that decision. I look forward to sharing your journey with you xxx
Wow you have some fire in your belly! I can sense your determination and I congratulate you for taking such a firm stance from the off.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your father to this horrendous addiction. My worst nightmare is that my girls will follow in my footsteps as I'm sure you're is too.
It is indeed the best thing you will ever do for yourself and your family. The journey is rocky but never doubt that decision. I look forward to sharing your journey with you xxx
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
