Helpless
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 3
Helpless
I've been sober for 22 days and its my 19th birthday tomorrow which is an exact year from when i was kicked out. I was homeless intermittently, stole and sold to eat or pay for a place to stay for a night because food/shelter were my secondary focus compared to drugs. just wanted to escape everything so i dug deeper into the drug world mainly hallucinogens. I begged my dad to help over the phone and he agreed then just screamed in my face when i showed up and told me he wanted nothing to do with me. Thankfully great big sisters who helped as much they could they put me in a psychward which i was there for about 2 weeks then went straight to a rehab which i freaked out and called my drug dealer the third day i was there. He got me and i relapsed for 11 months again intermittently homeless never speaking to my family because i couldnt handle it. I thought they hated me i wouldve. Anyways when my girlfriend came into my life i got a real job as well as dealing and stealing and running around like an idiot but bad things happened and eventually she was fed up and said shed leave me if i ever used again and here i am 22 days sober actively going to meetings and have been on a waitlist for a rehab for 3 weeks. All i want to do is go use or hopefully overuse to end this all. I have no health insurance, my family wint help me pay for anything again my sisters let me stay on their couch for free atm since my work dismissed me until i went through rehab and im broke lost my dog my girlfriend wants to leave me and everyone besides my recovering sister and my eldest sister makes me feel like im total trash. I just want help im tired of waiting
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Just hang in there. I remember how 22 days can seem like a tortuous forever in early sobriety, but please believe me that no matter how painful, this is a transient stage. It WILL pass. But like any journey, if we keep scuttling back to where we started from each time the terrain gets tough and conditions seem to be against us, we won't progress or grow or get to see what is beyond that tough part of the journey.
Are you just going to meetings, or have you got yourself a sponsor and made links with others in the fellowship who you can contact between meetings?
BB
Are you just going to meetings, or have you got yourself a sponsor and made links with others in the fellowship who you can contact between meetings?
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 3
Its been a rough few weeks especially with drinkers in the house but i have nowhere else and dont wanna be homeless anymore. I go to meetings regularly and have contact with 4 other members when im not there i dont have a carand theres only 2 meetings a week i can get to but i just recently asked someone to be my sponsor and whenever i talk to them i feel like i dont know what to say to them im so lost.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I found calling people REALLY hard.
All I can suggest is just dial, say hello, tell them who is is and ask how they are. Trust them to take the conversation from there. It's worth jotting down and thoughts or questions throughout the day to share with them. My phone shy sponsee and I used the daily reflections as an opening topic for calls for a while - she'd read it through and let me know what she thought / understood / didn't understand. It's worth telling your sponsor that you find it hard to pick the phone up in case they have some suggestions and ideas as well. Once you get going on your step work you'll have more specific things to talk or ask about.
I've personally found it more useful to meet up with people for coffee and a chat rather than deal with the phone, but I'm hard of hearing so all telephone conversations are tricky for that reason as well as all the other emotional and social ones.
The other tool that I found esp useful in early days sobriety were the speaker recordings. There are thousands to choose from. There are some on YouTube, but I mostly use this website for them, which is free... https://www.recoveryaudio.org
It's also worth thinking back to hobbies, pastimes, friends that went by the wayside because they didn't fit in with an alcoholic lifestyle. A lot of those things and people could still be there, and it could well be worth giving it a go.
Plus, the people here are amazing.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
Ps. We DO feel lost at first. Our biggest crutch has been removed and we've yet to learn new and better ways of dealing with things. But just because we feel a certain way, doesn't make it true. Our feelings can be very deceptive, esp as we've made alcohol our bubble wrap to protect ourselves from feelings for a while, so we tend to be extra sensitive to them. We don't stay this sensitive for ever though. At the moment you're like a little sober seedling, extra sensitive and a little delicate. The only real way forward is growth. Nurture yourself, and let others help nurture you as well. I know I'm like a little vine. I need to support others, and be part of a bigger vine, so that it can support me. And that's step 12. As you pick up that phone and let others help you, you're supporting that person's growth and recovery as well as them helping you , so never feel bad about phoning.
All I can suggest is just dial, say hello, tell them who is is and ask how they are. Trust them to take the conversation from there. It's worth jotting down and thoughts or questions throughout the day to share with them. My phone shy sponsee and I used the daily reflections as an opening topic for calls for a while - she'd read it through and let me know what she thought / understood / didn't understand. It's worth telling your sponsor that you find it hard to pick the phone up in case they have some suggestions and ideas as well. Once you get going on your step work you'll have more specific things to talk or ask about.
I've personally found it more useful to meet up with people for coffee and a chat rather than deal with the phone, but I'm hard of hearing so all telephone conversations are tricky for that reason as well as all the other emotional and social ones.
The other tool that I found esp useful in early days sobriety were the speaker recordings. There are thousands to choose from. There are some on YouTube, but I mostly use this website for them, which is free... https://www.recoveryaudio.org
It's also worth thinking back to hobbies, pastimes, friends that went by the wayside because they didn't fit in with an alcoholic lifestyle. A lot of those things and people could still be there, and it could well be worth giving it a go.
Plus, the people here are amazing.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
Ps. We DO feel lost at first. Our biggest crutch has been removed and we've yet to learn new and better ways of dealing with things. But just because we feel a certain way, doesn't make it true. Our feelings can be very deceptive, esp as we've made alcohol our bubble wrap to protect ourselves from feelings for a while, so we tend to be extra sensitive to them. We don't stay this sensitive for ever though. At the moment you're like a little sober seedling, extra sensitive and a little delicate. The only real way forward is growth. Nurture yourself, and let others help nurture you as well. I know I'm like a little vine. I need to support others, and be part of a bigger vine, so that it can support me. And that's step 12. As you pick up that phone and let others help you, you're supporting that person's growth and recovery as well as them helping you , so never feel bad about phoning.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 3
Thank you a lot for the help and wishes i hope i can pull through my hard headedness this time and get through everything and work the steps and get myself on the path to the life i want thank you for the link too ill check out that website forsure
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 635
hI 19 years old the world is your oyster my friend. please do not let this take your life and 42 and can assure you it will take everything and then it will take your life. it will leave you without any sense of happiness or life it will break you.
fight fight fight back theres a better life for you out there i wish i had taken care of this when i was your age i would have avoided so much pain
fight back
fight fight fight back theres a better life for you out there i wish i had taken care of this when i was your age i would have avoided so much pain
fight back
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,602
Hi firststep and welcome 
Happy birthday
This is a place of great support - you're not alone anymore.
I'm a lot older than you but I was every bit as sad sorry scared and confused when I got here in 2007.
Just knowing I was listened to and understood helped - and the advice was great too.
SR really helped me turn my life around. I know we can help you too
D
Happy birthday
This is a place of great support - you're not alone anymore.
I'm a lot older than you but I was every bit as sad sorry scared and confused when I got here in 2007.
Just knowing I was listened to and understood helped - and the advice was great too.
SR really helped me turn my life around. I know we can help you too
D
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