Problems
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 928
Problems
Most of my problems stem from alcohol, not just from drinking it, but from people’s attitudes and perceptions around it. Nothing gets me in the graw more than when someone refuses to accept I’m an alcoholic. Like who is anyone to say?
Wouldn’t it be great if everyone said “Oh ok”? That’s what we here at SR, and it’s a life saver.
Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.
Wouldn’t it be great if everyone said “Oh ok”? That’s what we here at SR, and it’s a life saver.
Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Most people can enjoy a drink sometimes.
You can't.
People sometimes have a hard time getting into someone else's shoes.
Or they think that they themselves might have a problem that they don't want to deal with.
I don't say I'm an alcoholic. I say I don't drink. If asked why, I just say I don't like it any more. Which is true. I don't even want a slight buzz.
You can't.
People sometimes have a hard time getting into someone else's shoes.
Or they think that they themselves might have a problem that they don't want to deal with.
I don't say I'm an alcoholic. I say I don't drink. If asked why, I just say I don't like it any more. Which is true. I don't even want a slight buzz.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 374
Originally Posted by MindfulMan 
Most people can enjoy a drink sometimes.
You can't.
People sometimes have a hard time getting into someone else's shoes.
Or they think that they themselves might have a problem that they don't want to deal with.
I don't say I'm an alcoholic. I say I don't drink. If asked why, I just say I don't like it any more. Which is true. I don't even want a slight buzz.
You can't.
People sometimes have a hard time getting into someone else's shoes.
Or they think that they themselves might have a problem that they don't want to deal with.
I don't say I'm an alcoholic. I say I don't drink. If asked why, I just say I don't like it any more. Which is true. I don't even want a slight buzz.
It's nobody's business
I just don't drink anymore
End off
X
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by bluedog97
I expect others to accept it.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
For the life of me I tried and tried to
explain to my family that I am an alcoholic
in recovery for a long time hoping they
would understand and accept me for it.
To no avail, they, who are not sick with
addiction, no problems with drinking,
normies, didn't need to be convienced,
made to understand my problem.
Sure, it was family who did send me to
rehab via a family intervention, doing
for me what i certainly wasn't mentally,
emotionally, physically incapable of doing
it myself.
Okay, they got me there, did their part,
wasn't ask to, but out of love and care
did so. Now the ball was and still is in my
court to take this rehab experience and
knowledge taught to me and grow from
it.
Yes, i did. Went to a many a meetings,
applied what i was learning and remained
sober along the way. However, my little
family was left in the dust, not truly understanding
the changes happening with and in me.
We eventually ended up on 2 different
planes not understanding each other. Why,
it's not their fault. They didn't need to change,
made to understand. Sure i wanted them to.
To be on my side. To share the joy of changes
happening, the roller coaster rides etc. with
out all the explainations that came with it.
And when i explained they didn't want
to hear it for the thousandth time. They
were not in recovery trying to repair and
mend the past because they had their
own lifes agenda.
It was a losing battle on my part to
expect family to work my recovery
program with me. In learning my program
of recovery i had to accept my family
for who and what they are and not put
those expectations on them to change
for my own selfish reasons.
I learned along my journey that
when one family member is sick
then it affects the entire family
unit. Unless the family wants to
heal and grow strong together then
all must take part in a recovery
program to help with the bonding
process.
Unfortunatly our family unit went
it separate ways, kids college and
beginning their own family, husband
and wife divorcing all going in separate
directions.
On my part, i got sick and tired of
explaining my recovery life to family
and I'm sure they got tired of hearing
about it. It wasn't their fault. They
didn't ask for my addiction. They
didn't need to change their own agendas
because of me.
And they didn't. They stayed the course
and moved on. For me, i did the same
taking care of my recovery and all that
was and is needed to achieve many
awesome gifts in recovery and life
that i longed for without all the freaking
explainations.
Addiction and recovery go hand and
hand and needs an awful lot of work
which is a journey of a lifetime and
am glad to be a member of a fellowship
of many others traveling the same road
of recovery as I to not be alone or
misunderstood.
explain to my family that I am an alcoholic
in recovery for a long time hoping they
would understand and accept me for it.
To no avail, they, who are not sick with
addiction, no problems with drinking,
normies, didn't need to be convienced,
made to understand my problem.
Sure, it was family who did send me to
rehab via a family intervention, doing
for me what i certainly wasn't mentally,
emotionally, physically incapable of doing
it myself.
Okay, they got me there, did their part,
wasn't ask to, but out of love and care
did so. Now the ball was and still is in my
court to take this rehab experience and
knowledge taught to me and grow from
it.
Yes, i did. Went to a many a meetings,
applied what i was learning and remained
sober along the way. However, my little
family was left in the dust, not truly understanding
the changes happening with and in me.
We eventually ended up on 2 different
planes not understanding each other. Why,
it's not their fault. They didn't need to change,
made to understand. Sure i wanted them to.
To be on my side. To share the joy of changes
happening, the roller coaster rides etc. with
out all the explainations that came with it.
And when i explained they didn't want
to hear it for the thousandth time. They
were not in recovery trying to repair and
mend the past because they had their
own lifes agenda.
It was a losing battle on my part to
expect family to work my recovery
program with me. In learning my program
of recovery i had to accept my family
for who and what they are and not put
those expectations on them to change
for my own selfish reasons.
I learned along my journey that
when one family member is sick
then it affects the entire family
unit. Unless the family wants to
heal and grow strong together then
all must take part in a recovery
program to help with the bonding
process.
Unfortunatly our family unit went
it separate ways, kids college and
beginning their own family, husband
and wife divorcing all going in separate
directions.
On my part, i got sick and tired of
explaining my recovery life to family
and I'm sure they got tired of hearing
about it. It wasn't their fault. They
didn't ask for my addiction. They
didn't need to change their own agendas
because of me.
And they didn't. They stayed the course
and moved on. For me, i did the same
taking care of my recovery and all that
was and is needed to achieve many
awesome gifts in recovery and life
that i longed for without all the freaking
explainations.
Addiction and recovery go hand and
hand and needs an awful lot of work
which is a journey of a lifetime and
am glad to be a member of a fellowship
of many others traveling the same road
of recovery as I to not be alone or
misunderstood.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
what others expect, believe or think has nothing to do with my relationship with alcohol.
my relationship with alcohol ended.
I called it off.
I have a much better, deeper, more rewarding relationship with Sobriety.
Other people can't mess with that.
my relationship with alcohol ended.
I called it off.
I have a much better, deeper, more rewarding relationship with Sobriety.
Other people can't mess with that.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 928
Originally Posted by tomsteve
what about others expectations of you? should you meet their expectations or should they accept thats not going to happen?
My take is there are certain times you should meet expectations, like showing up for work for your job.
Otherwise, I think people should accept you won’t meet their expectations, if I have to accept they won’t meet mine.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by bluedog97
Otherwise, I think people should accept you won’t meet their expectations, if I have to accept they won’t meet mine.
if people put expectations on me, they are going to be disappointed. if i put expectations on others, im going to be disappointed.
expectations are ransoms imposed on a hostage.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Sounds like you are talking about peer pressure a little bit? I have friends who are like that and it makes things tough. The important thing is to stay true to yourself and have a little thicker skin. You can't control other people so don't let it bother you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by bluedog97
That’s a good question. What if they don’t accept you not meeting theirs and lash out? Someone could write and essay on this question. I’d certainly read it.
My take is there are certain times you should meet expectations, like showing up for work for your job.
Otherwise, I think people should accept you won’t meet their expectations, if I have to accept they won’t meet mine.
My take is there are certain times you should meet expectations, like showing up for work for your job.
Otherwise, I think people should accept you won’t meet their expectations, if I have to accept they won’t meet mine.
That of course does not mean that we should not strive to meet expectations - far from it. Showing up for work, being responsible parents, paying our bills, all of those things are under OUR control or represent choices we can make.
How other people react to us us completely beyond our control, and as others have mentioned you'll completely tear yourself apart if you keep holding those resentments. How people "should" act and how people do act are rarely the same.
Last edited by ScottFromWI; 04-25-2018 at 10:36 AM.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 928
I guess my takeaway is simply to avoid people who don’t treat people right, if at all possible. Of course that’s not always possible. Just grit your teeth and bear it, and move on.
It does have to do with peer pressure. But I also agree most people just don’t understand a problem with alcohol. They think they really know you but they don’t.
I guess what I was really saying is SR is a great supportive community.
It does have to do with peer pressure. But I also agree most people just don’t understand a problem with alcohol. They think they really know you but they don’t.
I guess what I was really saying is SR is a great supportive community.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by bluedog97
I guess my takeaway is simply to avoid people who don’t treat people right, if at all possible. Of course that’s not always possible. Just grit your teeth and bear it, and move on.
It does have to do with peer pressure. But I also agree most people just don’t understand a problem with alcohol. They think they really know you but they don’t.
I guess what I was really saying is SR is a great supportive community.
It does have to do with peer pressure. But I also agree most people just don’t understand a problem with alcohol. They think they really know you but they don’t.
I guess what I was really saying is SR is a great supportive community.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
