Readygo

I realized a little bit ago that a huge grab for a glass trigger was a person in my life with their tendency to have exceedingly high expectations, a way of being overly critical and being un-understanding. They are a nice person but when they get stressed their intense ways and opinions usually leave me feeling like I have some short comings in the realms of what they would like to have happen. What’s a good way to stop it before it starts or change my mindset so that I don’t end up feeling like I need to defend myself or look for their validation?

doggonecarl

I guess you might start by asking yourself why defending one's self, or seeking validation leads to drinking, or thinking about drinking.

Are you seeking to suppress the feelings that this person gives rise to?

soberista

Hello! What i find interesting about your post is this:
"They are a nice person but when they get stressed their intense ways and opinions usually leave me feeling like I have some short comings in the realms of what they would like to have happen."

Why are you reaching for a glass when you already clearly recogonise the stress is theirs not yours? What this person does is dumps their stress and ****** day onto you which makes them feel better but you feel stressed and under their cosh. Are they doing this because they want you to rescue them and make them feel better, or because they just dump because that just gets it off their chest then they can relax (and your in a tizz) or is it just habit maybe?

Does that make sense? You are pehaps a person who takes it all to heart and personally and as a consequence it makes you feel inadequate and knocks your confidence.

Perhaps have a look at tranasctional analysis (parent/child/adult) and also the drama triangle. Plenty on google with you tube videos explaining it all. If you understand it then you can strategise instead of stressing.

Also the longer into sobriety you get the better able you are to think more clearly. I think i started to feel i could think straighter and more logically at about the 6 week point.

Have a smooth evening.

AnvilheadII

i think it's good you are examining your life and those things that "appear" to trigger you. the more aware we are of what makes us tick and WHEN the better armed we are.

the thing about triggers tho....IMHO.....is that as Carl hinted above.....nothing that happens in our lives, nothing that upsets us, no person place of thing MAKES US DRINK. we make the CHOICE to drink in response. i am certain that your experiences with this person are upsetting - and that as a response you have drank over it.

but how many have you drank just cuz??? we don't really NEED "reasons" but they are awfully handy EXCUSES.

you can start right now taking your power of choice back. this person, this place,, this thing or event has NO power to force you to drink. EVER. by taking away our escape we can better learn to deal with situations and with our feelings. straight up!

Nonsensical

You left out a step:
What is it that you are thinking about what they say?
You can change that.

MindfulMan

Cognitive and/or psychodynamic therapy. If this behavior bothers you it’s possible because it’s triggering past trauma around this, for example an overbearing and perfectionist parent (psychodynamic). You may also have distorted thinking around this person and their reactions, cognitive therapy can help recognize the distorted thoughts and replace them with more rational ones.

Dee74

I used to be very susceptible to criticism too - but I learned to trust my own guidance and do what I felt was best.

I'm still not great with conflict, or criticism but I know that drinking not the answer - how I respond is.

Members of my family still try and push my buttons. Its just how they are - and knowing that, I can ignore the baiting and stay peaceful.

D