Going on 18 months sober but anxious today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Eastern PA
Posts: 165
Going on 18 months sober but anxious today
Hi everyone - I don't post a lot these days but I read up on how everyone is doing almost every night. I'm so grateful for this forum! On May 16th I'll have 18 months sober. I'm active in my recovery program - AA every week - 4-5 meetings, have a sponsor, do service.
Some people might know - I have a small business that's doing well, overall. One other employee. I'm thankful to have weathered my previous partner leaving abruptly after coming home from rehab last year. I'm hoping other small business owners might be able to give me advice on staying steady and positive during slow times. I just wrapped up some projects and the sales pipeline needs work. I'm in new business mode and it was easier when I was drinking to have the "liquid courage" when in sales mode and to cope with anxiety. Fear, jumping to the worst case scenario and anxiety are my character defects that trip me up. Just got done my 4th step so I have this self awareness.
I normally don't struggle with cravings but over the past week, those thoughts are more frequent by the end of the day. I've been napping when I get home and will be getting a massage this week.
Going to see my sponsor later today. Any support or advice would be appreciated!
Some people might know - I have a small business that's doing well, overall. One other employee. I'm thankful to have weathered my previous partner leaving abruptly after coming home from rehab last year. I'm hoping other small business owners might be able to give me advice on staying steady and positive during slow times. I just wrapped up some projects and the sales pipeline needs work. I'm in new business mode and it was easier when I was drinking to have the "liquid courage" when in sales mode and to cope with anxiety. Fear, jumping to the worst case scenario and anxiety are my character defects that trip me up. Just got done my 4th step so I have this self awareness.
I normally don't struggle with cravings but over the past week, those thoughts are more frequent by the end of the day. I've been napping when I get home and will be getting a massage this week.
Going to see my sponsor later today. Any support or advice would be appreciated!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Congrats on 18 months sober Beanie, that is fantastic!
Anxiety is very common in life, and it can absolutely lead to thoughts of drinking for alcoholics. As you indicate, most of us used alchol to try and calm ourselves or give ourselves more "courage". But of course the result is always the opposite - the problems are still there and the anxiety is usually worse.
Have you ever considered exploring your anxiety as a distinct and separate issue? Everyone has anxiety, it's a natural response to outside threats, but sometimes it gets a bit out of control or exaggerated for some of us. There are a whole host of things you can do to control or lessen your body's response to stress - exercise, relaxation, therapy, even meds for those who have extreme cases.
For me one of the tools/thoughts I learned from a counselor ( I am diagnosed with GAD ) was the "river of thoughts" exercises. Imagine yourself standing by a flowing stream/river. Think of the water as your thoughts - and many times we have a lot of them rushing through our heads. We want to fix every problem, settle every argument, plan every step, etc. It's perfectly OK to just let some of those thoughts just flow past - acknowledge them, but don't react. Just like the water...let it flow by and watch it, but you don't have to wade in or even dive in and become overwhelmed.
Anxiety is very common in life, and it can absolutely lead to thoughts of drinking for alcoholics. As you indicate, most of us used alchol to try and calm ourselves or give ourselves more "courage". But of course the result is always the opposite - the problems are still there and the anxiety is usually worse.
Have you ever considered exploring your anxiety as a distinct and separate issue? Everyone has anxiety, it's a natural response to outside threats, but sometimes it gets a bit out of control or exaggerated for some of us. There are a whole host of things you can do to control or lessen your body's response to stress - exercise, relaxation, therapy, even meds for those who have extreme cases.
For me one of the tools/thoughts I learned from a counselor ( I am diagnosed with GAD ) was the "river of thoughts" exercises. Imagine yourself standing by a flowing stream/river. Think of the water as your thoughts - and many times we have a lot of them rushing through our heads. We want to fix every problem, settle every argument, plan every step, etc. It's perfectly OK to just let some of those thoughts just flow past - acknowledge them, but don't react. Just like the water...let it flow by and watch it, but you don't have to wade in or even dive in and become overwhelmed.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Eastern PA
Posts: 165
Thanks for the advice, Scott and reminder about the "river of thoughts" exercise. I learned about this in rehab and I've used it many times. Not holding on to anxious thoughts (and thoughts about that glass of wine) and letting them flow down the river away from me has worked in the past. I'll give that a try today.
I was in therapy for several years in the past re: anxiety. However, I was still drinking during that time so perhaps having a revisit with my therapist now in sobriety would be more helpful and effective.
I was in therapy for several years in the past re: anxiety. However, I was still drinking during that time so perhaps having a revisit with my therapist now in sobriety would be more helpful and effective.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
If I am understanding correctly, you are nervous about making some sales pitches to beef up your sales. Isn't the worst outcome of a sales pitch that someone tells you "no, I don't want your product"?
Do you have any data from previous sales attempts? Something that will tell you what percentage of people who receive your sales pitch go forward and purchase your product? That way if you know that 20% of the people who hear your pitch will buy your product, and you want to sell 200 more units, then you need to get out there and hear "no" 800 times.
OR, how about this:
There are 200 people out there who want your product. It will make their lives better to have it. For 18 months you've defeated a heartless, cold-blooded killer. That's pure badassery. Are you gonna let 800 "no's" stop you from getting your product to the 200 people who want it?
Worry is a great waste of imagination.
It's all about perspective.
Go get'em!
Do you have any data from previous sales attempts? Something that will tell you what percentage of people who receive your sales pitch go forward and purchase your product? That way if you know that 20% of the people who hear your pitch will buy your product, and you want to sell 200 more units, then you need to get out there and hear "no" 800 times.
OR, how about this:
There are 200 people out there who want your product. It will make their lives better to have it. For 18 months you've defeated a heartless, cold-blooded killer. That's pure badassery. Are you gonna let 800 "no's" stop you from getting your product to the 200 people who want it?
Worry is a great waste of imagination.
It's all about perspective.
Go get'em!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Eastern PA
Posts: 165
Thanks! I have several proposals out there and waiting for those to "close". I'm in a professional service business so it's all about keeping enough business going and cash flow steady. The usual small business worries!
But I have defeated a heartless killer of souls for 18 months going strong...so I guess I am pretty much a bad ass.
But I have defeated a heartless killer of souls for 18 months going strong...so I guess I am pretty much a bad ass.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Some good advice here Beanie Baby - being proactive seems a far better response to me than drinking on those fears and maybe making it easier for some of them to come true?
congrats on your upcoming 18 months!
D
congrats on your upcoming 18 months!
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
I have done outside sales, cold calling, and proposals to large corporations at times. It was considered a success if 2-4 proposals turned into sales in our industry. It’s all about perspective, believing in what you offer and believing in yourself. Still..not an easy thing! Stay strong, congratulations on 18 months!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,580
Just wanted to say congrats on your sobriety, BeanieBaby. With this much time, you've successfully navigated all kinds of events and issues without drinking. I get that sales can be tough, but your badassery will work on sales just like it's worked on everything else. Go get em.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 853
I have my own business and i'm just coming up to 2 months sober so I can completely empathise. Just to echo something someone has already said, when I get anxious about business or my life in general I just think to myself, I defeated a horrific addiction that wanted me dead so I can handle anything else that anyone is going to throw at me.
Sometimes the new found clarity you have can be unsettling and overthinking can be a real issue but I found journalling and planning really helped with that.
If you can beat booze, you can beat anything.
Good luck!
Sometimes the new found clarity you have can be unsettling and overthinking can be a real issue but I found journalling and planning really helped with that.
If you can beat booze, you can beat anything.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 874
Congrats on your sober time! Keep working at sobriety and business - both have times that can be trying.
It helps me to do something - even if it is just one cold call or follow up each day. Usually, more follows.
It helps me to do something - even if it is just one cold call or follow up each day. Usually, more follows.
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,101
Beanie Baby , I am a small business owner; I also provide professional services. I have 2 other employees and our business goes through cycles of slow periods similar to yours.
I get anxiety at times, I am going on 14 months sober and it can get rough still. I usually like try remember back to how much I neglected when I was drinking and how that did nothing to help the situation. It also put a giant amount of responsibility on the other employees to make up for my lack of attention on the business. I still feel bad about how selfish I was by neglecting my business responsibilities.
I have talked to some of the clients I work for, some are millionaires other are billionaires and on the outside they seem like they have everything figured out.
Turns out they have the same anxiety as any business owner, it doesn't matter if they have 2 employees or 20,000.
I get anxiety at times, I am going on 14 months sober and it can get rough still. I usually like try remember back to how much I neglected when I was drinking and how that did nothing to help the situation. It also put a giant amount of responsibility on the other employees to make up for my lack of attention on the business. I still feel bad about how selfish I was by neglecting my business responsibilities.
I have talked to some of the clients I work for, some are millionaires other are billionaires and on the outside they seem like they have everything figured out.
Turns out they have the same anxiety as any business owner, it doesn't matter if they have 2 employees or 20,000.
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