Lost Custody of Daughter from Brief Relapse/Physical Abuse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 3
Lost Custody of Daughter from Brief Relapse/Physical Abuse
I had been an addict since I was 14 when I met my boyfriend (now husband). We met at a party. He was 16 when we met. I had been smoking weed for a while, but this was the first time I tried cocaine. In a matter of a few months, I was doing coke 3 to 4 times a week. I had blown through 600.00 I had saved for the past year on cocaine. Soon after I started to abuse my Ritalin. (I prescribed Ritalin when I was 8 for ADHD) I managed to keep my growing addiction a secret from my parents for nearly a year until my behavior and my lying became noticeable. I had always been a straight-A student and very respectful and responsible they never suspected a thing. When one day my mom walked in on my boyfriend, who shouldn't have been there and I snorting in my bedroom.
After promising never to do it again, I cut back on the drug use. It wasn't long before my anxiety got very bad and I got very depressed. My parents thought I was using, made me attend counseling but it got worse and worse when I finally saw a psychiatrist. He prescribed me Prozac. Things looked up for a while until I became tolerant and the anxiety returned, so once again I began to abuse the Prozac. Shortly before I turned 17, I finally told my parents it wasn't working anymore. So they sent me back to the psychiatrist. I was prescribed Xanax.
Fast forward to the night of my 18th birthday. I tried heroin for the first time. My boyfriend, his friend, and girlfriend and I were at their place when they asked us if we wanted to try some. So we smoked some. I instantly got addicted. A month before I was set to graduate high school I was expelled after they found some used tinfoil in my locker. My parents kicked me out, and I moved in with my boyfriend. I was using every day at this point. About four or five months after trying heroin, I tried it intravenously.
On December 4th, 2016 I walked in on a friend of mine, dead, from an overdose. That day I decided I didn't want to live like this anymore. I told my boyfriend I wanted to get clean. He agreed. He cut back for a bit while I started on Methadone, and weaned off that. Six weeks after my last dose of Methadone I found out I was pregnant. In July 2017, we decided on a whim to get married so that we could be a "family," and in January 2018 our daughter was born five weeks premature. During her three week stay in the NICU, my now husband began to change. He started to stay out late, became angry, and distance.
In the middle of March, I had decided to break up with him after I found out he was using heavily again. For a few weeks, I stayed down low while I made a plan. I found a room in someone's house.
On April 1st I told my husband that our daughter and I were moving out and I wanted a separation. He didn't take the news well. He pulled my hair, pushed me, and punched me while I was screaming. Our neighbors must have heard because, within five, ten minutes the police were called and arrived and arrested him for domestic violence.
I called my parents who had been watching my daughter while I moved and told them what happened. I told them I'd get her in the morning because I just needed some time alone. For the first time in a year I used. I had intended for it to be a one-time thing, but that one-time thing turned my life upside down.
The following morning I picked up my daughter, and I don't know if it was my parents or my husband who had just gotten out of jail, but CPS was called on me. On April 3rd, she was removed from my care for one bad drug test. I can't believe it has only been a week and that I don't have my daughter. Yesterday, with the help of my parents I hired a lawyer and had filed for divorce from my husband.
I'm just feeling sad, and the urge to use is overwhelming. I want all this pain, and sadness to go away. I just want her back.
After promising never to do it again, I cut back on the drug use. It wasn't long before my anxiety got very bad and I got very depressed. My parents thought I was using, made me attend counseling but it got worse and worse when I finally saw a psychiatrist. He prescribed me Prozac. Things looked up for a while until I became tolerant and the anxiety returned, so once again I began to abuse the Prozac. Shortly before I turned 17, I finally told my parents it wasn't working anymore. So they sent me back to the psychiatrist. I was prescribed Xanax.
Fast forward to the night of my 18th birthday. I tried heroin for the first time. My boyfriend, his friend, and girlfriend and I were at their place when they asked us if we wanted to try some. So we smoked some. I instantly got addicted. A month before I was set to graduate high school I was expelled after they found some used tinfoil in my locker. My parents kicked me out, and I moved in with my boyfriend. I was using every day at this point. About four or five months after trying heroin, I tried it intravenously.
On December 4th, 2016 I walked in on a friend of mine, dead, from an overdose. That day I decided I didn't want to live like this anymore. I told my boyfriend I wanted to get clean. He agreed. He cut back for a bit while I started on Methadone, and weaned off that. Six weeks after my last dose of Methadone I found out I was pregnant. In July 2017, we decided on a whim to get married so that we could be a "family," and in January 2018 our daughter was born five weeks premature. During her three week stay in the NICU, my now husband began to change. He started to stay out late, became angry, and distance.
In the middle of March, I had decided to break up with him after I found out he was using heavily again. For a few weeks, I stayed down low while I made a plan. I found a room in someone's house.
On April 1st I told my husband that our daughter and I were moving out and I wanted a separation. He didn't take the news well. He pulled my hair, pushed me, and punched me while I was screaming. Our neighbors must have heard because, within five, ten minutes the police were called and arrived and arrested him for domestic violence.
I called my parents who had been watching my daughter while I moved and told them what happened. I told them I'd get her in the morning because I just needed some time alone. For the first time in a year I used. I had intended for it to be a one-time thing, but that one-time thing turned my life upside down.
The following morning I picked up my daughter, and I don't know if it was my parents or my husband who had just gotten out of jail, but CPS was called on me. On April 3rd, she was removed from my care for one bad drug test. I can't believe it has only been a week and that I don't have my daughter. Yesterday, with the help of my parents I hired a lawyer and had filed for divorce from my husband.
I'm just feeling sad, and the urge to use is overwhelming. I want all this pain, and sadness to go away. I just want her back.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR NeedBetter, and thanks for sharing that story - certainly a vivid description of what addiction can do.
My DOC was always alcohol, but you'll find support here for addiction in general and lots of understanding. For me, the key to quitting for good was accepting the fact that drinking any amount of alcohol is not an option, ever. I also had to accept that there is something different about me that will not allow me to drink without consequences - and that I can never change whatever that thing is.
I'm glad you are here seeking help instead of using...because staying clean is the one thing you need to do, more than anything else, to have a chance to make things right again.
My DOC was always alcohol, but you'll find support here for addiction in general and lots of understanding. For me, the key to quitting for good was accepting the fact that drinking any amount of alcohol is not an option, ever. I also had to accept that there is something different about me that will not allow me to drink without consequences - and that I can never change whatever that thing is.
I'm glad you are here seeking help instead of using...because staying clean is the one thing you need to do, more than anything else, to have a chance to make things right again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: London
Posts: 2,040
Hi NeedBetter1998. Due to my profession I have extensive experience working with families in your situation. My experience has been that if you remain permanently separated from your husband and demonstrate you truly understand the risk of physical (unintentional) and emotional harm to your child if she were to witness further DV should you reconcile with him, the impact of your parenting as a result of drug use and work with drug services, produce consistently clean drug tests etc it is certainly possible that your daughter may be returned to your care. You have an opportunity whilst these care proceedings are in motion to demonstrate to the Court that you understand the risk of harm to your child and that you have made significant and sustained change so that she would be safe if she were returned to your care. Wishing you well 💜
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 3
Thanks, everyone for the kind words.
I have no intention of getting back with my husband. There is no going back from that. I know what he is capable of, and I'm 75% it was him or someone in his family who called CPS on me. From a mutual friend, I was told that he was angry and since there is a no-contact order for both me and our daughter, I'm sure he would do anything to hurt me. But at the same time I think my parents might have called because of the domestic violence and up until I decided to call it quits I was smitten to him and my parents don't like him.
As for the drug testing. I think the only thing going for me is that at the hospital the baby's first poop and I were both drug tested, and passed both.
I have no intention of getting back with my husband. There is no going back from that. I know what he is capable of, and I'm 75% it was him or someone in his family who called CPS on me. From a mutual friend, I was told that he was angry and since there is a no-contact order for both me and our daughter, I'm sure he would do anything to hurt me. But at the same time I think my parents might have called because of the domestic violence and up until I decided to call it quits I was smitten to him and my parents don't like him.
As for the drug testing. I think the only thing going for me is that at the hospital the baby's first poop and I were both drug tested, and passed both.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
I'm so sorry about where you find yourself right now. The good thing is this is an opportunity to turn your life around. I'm glad your parents are there and supporting you. It might be a good idea to get into a rehab program, it will help you get back on track, and would be in your favor in terms of getting your daughter back.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sorry for what brings you here, but I'm glad you found us.
If your parents DID call, you can bet it was out of live for your daugher and desperation over the situation that they did so. Children don't thrive in the chaos of addiction. On the bright side, I know plenty of people who got their children back once they'd bit clean and worked a good program or recovery, and the chaos of their old lives had been replaced by calm and routine. There's no reason that you can't be the same.
So. What are your plans for getting and staying clean, and working on your recovery. Have you investigated the support resources available in your area? NA would likely be a good place to start. You could probably get to a meeting today if you wanted to. Lots of support. No judgement. Free. No waiting lists. Anonymity. Others who have been through what you have and are ahead of you on the path of recovery. It's got a lit going for it.
Your problems sound exaustingly sad. But you can choose to live in the solution now, if that's what you truly want.
BB
If your parents DID call, you can bet it was out of live for your daugher and desperation over the situation that they did so. Children don't thrive in the chaos of addiction. On the bright side, I know plenty of people who got their children back once they'd bit clean and worked a good program or recovery, and the chaos of their old lives had been replaced by calm and routine. There's no reason that you can't be the same.
So. What are your plans for getting and staying clean, and working on your recovery. Have you investigated the support resources available in your area? NA would likely be a good place to start. You could probably get to a meeting today if you wanted to. Lots of support. No judgement. Free. No waiting lists. Anonymity. Others who have been through what you have and are ahead of you on the path of recovery. It's got a lit going for it.
Your problems sound exaustingly sad. But you can choose to live in the solution now, if that's what you truly want.
BB
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I want to point out one important thing that may sting but I feel is crucial to mention.
You said your child was removed from your care due to ‘one drug test’.
I’d suggest to you that there is a much bigger context here and it was not one drug test, but the fact that you were still using drugs, woven into a long-term story of your life that evidences decisions and actions that are not in the best interest of your child.
In my experience we need to be fully honest with ourselves and accept our actions and failings as OURS to own. This subtle but important phrase you used strikes me as concerning because when I’ve used such language in my own life, it has often been because I was not yet fully owning my mistakes.
That may not be the case for you.
I offer this reflection with good intentions, so I hope you will take it in that spirit and evaluate for yourself whether there is merit.
Losing your child must be truly awful. I wish you strength and clarity of purpose in remaining clean and sober and doing everything it takes to turn your life around, be reunited with your child and live a much-improved, joyful life.... you can do it!
You said your child was removed from your care due to ‘one drug test’.
I’d suggest to you that there is a much bigger context here and it was not one drug test, but the fact that you were still using drugs, woven into a long-term story of your life that evidences decisions and actions that are not in the best interest of your child.
In my experience we need to be fully honest with ourselves and accept our actions and failings as OURS to own. This subtle but important phrase you used strikes me as concerning because when I’ve used such language in my own life, it has often been because I was not yet fully owning my mistakes.
That may not be the case for you.
I offer this reflection with good intentions, so I hope you will take it in that spirit and evaluate for yourself whether there is merit.
Losing your child must be truly awful. I wish you strength and clarity of purpose in remaining clean and sober and doing everything it takes to turn your life around, be reunited with your child and live a much-improved, joyful life.... you can do it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 3
Thanks, everyone. After posting here I needed to take some time away to process what everyone had said. She was originally removed because of testing positive for meth and heroin, and for living in an unsafe environment because of my husband beating me up.
I've started to attend NA meetings again, even though I hadn't used since. My husband had been served, broke no contact and tried to show up at my parent's house and was arrested again.
My daughter has been placed with my parents who to this day still deny calling on me. I see her 2 hours 3 days a week at their house and my husband doesn't get to see her at all. Once I can pass 3 consecutive drug tests, complete this parenting class and complete 6 hours of counselling, I'll be granted brief unsupervised visits.
I've passed my first test, and 2 hours of counselling so far. I have this parenting class booked for next week.
I've started to attend NA meetings again, even though I hadn't used since. My husband had been served, broke no contact and tried to show up at my parent's house and was arrested again.
My daughter has been placed with my parents who to this day still deny calling on me. I see her 2 hours 3 days a week at their house and my husband doesn't get to see her at all. Once I can pass 3 consecutive drug tests, complete this parenting class and complete 6 hours of counselling, I'll be granted brief unsupervised visits.
I've passed my first test, and 2 hours of counselling so far. I have this parenting class booked for next week.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
Originally Posted by NeedBetter1998 
Thanks, everyone. After posting here I needed to take some time away to process what everyone had said. She was originally removed because of testing positive for meth and heroin, and for living in an unsafe environment because of my husband beating me up.
I've started to attend NA meetings again, even though I hadn't used since. My husband had been served, broke no contact and tried to show up at my parent's house and was arrested again.
My daughter has been placed with my parents who to this day still deny calling on me. I see her 2 hours 3 days a week at their house and my husband doesn't get to see her at all. Once I can pass 3 consecutive drug tests, complete this parenting class and complete 6 hours of counselling, I'll be granted brief unsupervised visits.
I've passed my first test, and 2 hours of counselling so far. I have this parenting class booked for next week.
I've started to attend NA meetings again, even though I hadn't used since. My husband had been served, broke no contact and tried to show up at my parent's house and was arrested again.
My daughter has been placed with my parents who to this day still deny calling on me. I see her 2 hours 3 days a week at their house and my husband doesn't get to see her at all. Once I can pass 3 consecutive drug tests, complete this parenting class and complete 6 hours of counselling, I'll be granted brief unsupervised visits.
I've passed my first test, and 2 hours of counselling so far. I have this parenting class booked for next week.
Stay strong!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Thanks for the update and it's good to hear that you have a plan in place to make things better for you and her. It's good to hear that your daughter is in good hands and that her mom is working on taking care of herself ;-)
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
