Drunk and Cheated

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04-09-2018, 06:04 PM

# 41 (permalink)

SoberMe83

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Thread Starter

Join Date: Apr 2018

Posts: 13

Quote:

Originally Posted by FreeOwl

good on ya for fessing up. You stand a better shot than I did. I failed to take responsibility for my choices and actions in betrayal for a very long time.

I also failed to acknowledge that alcohol was the reason I'd chosen betrayal and found ways to rationalize and justify it.

Despite my fallen-short efforts to be 'forgiven' - I didn't truly take responsibility for my part of it.... so she could never really forgive. Nearly a decade later we divorced sadly....

Speaking as a man who betrayed his wife, failed to own up to it until caught, failed even then to truly OWN my actions, failed to recognize or act on my alcoholism and addiction, failed myself and my then-wife..... I will offer you my honest reflection:

I hope that you'll embrace sobriety.

I hope that you'll do so with utter humility.

I hope that you'll do everything to show your wife you are truly sorry and accept the pain, the mistrust, the anger and the despair of it as your rightful due....

I hope that you'll find in this dismal time, the strength to be the man I was too weak to be in your shoes - and I hope in so doing you'll save yourself a decade of madness, pain, anguish and sorrow.... and help your wife heal and, with time and work, love through this to a better place together.

Thanks man. Means a ton.

I hope you're doing better too.

04-09-2018, 06:11 PM

# 42 (permalink)

FreeOwl

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Join Date: Jan 2014

Posts: 8,637

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoberMe83

Thanks man. Means a ton.

I hope you're doing better too.

two marriages later, I finally got it right.

I'm honest. I'm sober. I'm clean. I'm free.

I can live with light in my heart because that wife I betrayed ultimately forgave me when I ultimately finally got it together and made an amends (though not until many years after our divorce).

Yes, I'm doing much, much better. You will be, too..... and may your path to "much, much better" be much, much shorter and much more present and aware and direct and SOBER than mine was. It need not take you another 15 years to get it all back on track and to be the man you know in your heart you want to be - and CAN.

04-09-2018, 09:00 PM

# 43 (permalink)

LadyBug66

Member

Join Date: Jun 2013

Posts: 568

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoberMe83

Thank you all for the support.

My wife and I have been talking more. I know we have a ways to go, but good to hear her say that she still loves me and that we would have more serious problems if we didn't give a shot to work thru it...with no guarantees still.

I opened up on some ..or a few..things that happened to me when I was a child, but I've never really told her about... just hinted at. I hadnt spoken about those things since they happened when I was real little.

After bringing that up, it seems like I could see a clear road map to how I came to abuse alcohol and my views on sex, too, for that matter.

I went to get a drug test today because Im travelling outside of US and not everything adds up with what happened and having 0 semblance of a hangover. Seems that its possible that I could've been scooped or drugged but either way....im still going sober and doing counseling.

Thanks again.

Hey SoberMe. I travel a lot with my work as well and I know for a fact that someone put a drug in my drink one night because the next day I couldn't remember ANYTHING and when talking to a few people that I was out with at the bar that night said they don't remember anything from that night either. I'm thinking it was the bartender. It was worse than an alcoholic blackout! I'm sorry you and your wife are going thru this.