WW1

I don't have a lot of experience with addicts but I'm trying to figure out what happened in my last relationship. I suspect he is an addict?...We were together almost a year and a half. It was a kind nurturing relationship but I did feel at times I wasn't able to get the emotional depth from him I desired. He tried hard to please me at first and we had children and extended families involved. We didn't see each other daily... mostly weekends and occasionally on weekdays. We did talk every day. I felt he was very understanding and I felt safe with him expressing myself and needs.

This past October I was diagnosed with Lyme disease and became very ill. He was super sweet and encouraging and tried to be there for me, even taking off work to take me to doctor appointments. I became more ill and I felt him begin to pull away. We had drank together some before I fell ill (I can't drink anymore in treatment), he smoked marijuana occasionally and told me I should try it to help treat the Lyme. I should also mention we are in our 40s and both educators. He paid a lot of child support and had very little free income and lived w roommates who liked to party. We did drink on weekends socially, and I began to notice he drank a LOT and sometimes would drink so much it was an issue of him arguing to drive, drinking and then getting in car w kids (saying he was fine and only had a couple, etc), sometimes slurring words, having trouble walking straight, and occasionally blacking out. He began having high blood pressure and weight gain. I felt maybe some depression and erectile dysfunction. I started to worry a lot more. I noticed he was paying less attention to my requests such as asking to go on short road trips, date nights, etc.

When I became more ill, I would go to their football drinking get togethers but I had to go to bed early ahead of everyone. Two weekends in a row he was smashed and it was affecting our bonding time greatly since we didn't get much without kids. The last weekend we were dating, he got drunk, smoked a lot of weed (he said he could hear things but couldn't see?!?) and he passed out. I went home and left bc I was so upset. He had promised we would end the night early and he would take me to church the next day. He failed to make his promise the second time in a row. He had also been promising to help my daughter with some things, that never materialized.

Anyways, I was fed up w the lack of efforts in the relationship, the broken promise, and the pot/drinking was really starting to upset me (I had asked him to moderate twice before in serious conversation). I told him I could not change him and I was apparently trying to force the relationship to work and I couldn't tolerate this. He asked me not to make rash decisions about us, that he hated himself for what he'd done and that he would call me later that night. He didn't call and I was furious bc I was so hurt, and he knew that.

When I still didn't hear from him the next day, I texted him just to mail my stuff back at that point if he didn't want to talk to me. I was tired of being disrespected. I then thought maybe that was harsh and messaged him that I was sorry and if he could control the drinking maybe we could try again and work at it.

At that point he told me that he had issues he needed to work on and couldn't be in a romantic relationship with me and he basically just bolted after all that time together. He attempted to break up via phone but I made him face me so I could get my things. He was crying and in tears and said he threw up three times before he saw me. He said he still loved me and had feelings for me. He told his kids we both cared about each other but had things to work on. None of us got to say goodbye to any of the children and I'm devastated. He said he hoped to talk as friends in the near future.

Anyway, since that he became very cold and has not even asked if I'm still alive. He knew how seriously ill I was and I thought after that long of a relationship he would have at least checked on my health?!? (I had to go on medical leave).... I wrote him a letter asking for forgiveness if I hurt him in any way and telling him I was trying to forgive him and hoped he was healthy and doing well... nothing... it's like I was just written off... is this typical of addicts? My friends and family say I have dodged a major bullet but I miss his children terribly and it hurts how he turned cold on me and quit on us... any feedback would be appreciated. I am looking into my part of this in therapy as well.