Today I sort of crossed the finished line (damage control mostly done)
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 403
Today I sort of crossed the finished line (damage control mostly done)
I've posted long parts of my story here and there, but today, I want to focus on the consequences and really how long and how much effort it has taken me to turn the mess around. Maybe it will be an encouragement to those on the fence.
Backstory: hospitalized 2x for my alcoholism (July 2015, June 2016). Sober since the last date.
It's been a work in progress and the damage touched nearly every area of my life. Aside from almost dying, I
1). ruined my credit (by not paying bills we could have paid because I didn't bother to find the login. er, I'm actually in this position right now, sober, but I'll solider through lol).
2). Performed intermittently poorly at my job, though, it didn't have real consequences, but it was way below what I could do and those who noticed were not completely affected, if they noticed. I don't know who did or didn't.
3). Had the Department of Child services called and out to the house because of a domestic call. I'm posting about this today.
4). So many family/friend problems. I don't know where to start with those. Those are a work in progress, especially my relationship with my oldest daughter who had no patience for any of it and is not forgiving.
So, I have been working on each one of these and it has been all-consuming.
Credit was in the tank. Below 600. No excuses for this. It was sheer laziness. Money sat in bank, I sat glugging on couch. Forgot to pay, or simply, didn't feel like going through password reset. It's taken lots of effort, writing companies, asking for leniency, etc. Some cooperated, others laughed and hung up (not really--but this was the result).
It's more or less been time that has helped my score as I've put distance between the reported lates, one chargeoff because, seriously, I could not get it together to give her my routing number! This truly happened and I still can't believe it.
Also, I never investigated some of the reasons for why my credit was low. There weren't errors, but there were things I should have attended to to get them removed. The delinquencies had nothing to do with the drink, but not addressing them had everything to do with the drink. Ex-husband put a lien in my name. While drunk, I didn't take care of that. I took care of it last summer after basically a long trail of paperwork/phone calls/emails and not understanding because it had to do with the state and was a process--one that I couldn't do while drunk.
2. Job performance suffered, but it didn't affect me or my job stability. I know I performed waaaayyy under par. This one I escaped by the skin of my teeth.
3. This is why I write today. Because, yep, even record with the state can happen.
2 years ago (to the day tomorrow), I called the police on my husband after instigating a fist fight. To be fair, I started it, but he fought back. I called the cops. They said we both should be arrested because we both sucked. (No blood, broken stuff, still not good, but mostly pushing and slapping with me punching, etc.) I called 9/11 to be vindictive. Thankfully, they decided to only arrest one of us out of mercy for my son. He had no one else in the area. So, DCFS comes out and investigates (as a matter of routine, by state law) and sees that our child (miraculously) is well-adjusted, happy, has never been touched, ahead of grade level, our home is nice, blah blah blah.
but, in recent background checks, my case with the state has come up pending. I was told that usually happens when it was a minor case and they forgot to officially close it.
It affected my ability to get one job (or, so I thought).
Today, I just got off the phone with them and they said I never had a case and it was shut and sealed but that said company pulled the report before it had finished processing. That was the reason for the pending.
So, I guess while number three wasn't really ever a concern, I really thought it was. I don't have to worry about further pursuing this and headache paperwork, etc. I could this among the things that caught up with me since, technically, it did, or so I thought it did. And, yes, I have been reported to the state, something that wouldn't have happened if I weren't abusing alcohol. I believe when the report is pulled, it will always say "unsubstantiated." This is truly embarrassing, but it is the consequence .
Four will forever be a work in progress. I have some really angry people in my family who will not put it behind. I've given up on that. I also destroyed some friendships and although I'm remorseful, I can't take back my drunken low blows and I don't think for one minute they have to understand the disease, lack of filter, and forgive (In fact, I've never apologized since I don't think it's fair to do that to them).
So, here I am, two years in, things looking much brighter. I post this for encouragement, but also to say that this stuff did not have to become as problematic as it did. Alcohol is not anyone's friends.
Backstory: hospitalized 2x for my alcoholism (July 2015, June 2016). Sober since the last date.
It's been a work in progress and the damage touched nearly every area of my life. Aside from almost dying, I
1). ruined my credit (by not paying bills we could have paid because I didn't bother to find the login. er, I'm actually in this position right now, sober, but I'll solider through lol).
2). Performed intermittently poorly at my job, though, it didn't have real consequences, but it was way below what I could do and those who noticed were not completely affected, if they noticed. I don't know who did or didn't.
3). Had the Department of Child services called and out to the house because of a domestic call. I'm posting about this today.
4). So many family/friend problems. I don't know where to start with those. Those are a work in progress, especially my relationship with my oldest daughter who had no patience for any of it and is not forgiving.
So, I have been working on each one of these and it has been all-consuming.
Credit was in the tank. Below 600. No excuses for this. It was sheer laziness. Money sat in bank, I sat glugging on couch. Forgot to pay, or simply, didn't feel like going through password reset. It's taken lots of effort, writing companies, asking for leniency, etc. Some cooperated, others laughed and hung up (not really--but this was the result).
It's more or less been time that has helped my score as I've put distance between the reported lates, one chargeoff because, seriously, I could not get it together to give her my routing number! This truly happened and I still can't believe it.
Also, I never investigated some of the reasons for why my credit was low. There weren't errors, but there were things I should have attended to to get them removed. The delinquencies had nothing to do with the drink, but not addressing them had everything to do with the drink. Ex-husband put a lien in my name. While drunk, I didn't take care of that. I took care of it last summer after basically a long trail of paperwork/phone calls/emails and not understanding because it had to do with the state and was a process--one that I couldn't do while drunk.
2. Job performance suffered, but it didn't affect me or my job stability. I know I performed waaaayyy under par. This one I escaped by the skin of my teeth.
3. This is why I write today. Because, yep, even record with the state can happen.
2 years ago (to the day tomorrow), I called the police on my husband after instigating a fist fight. To be fair, I started it, but he fought back. I called the cops. They said we both should be arrested because we both sucked. (No blood, broken stuff, still not good, but mostly pushing and slapping with me punching, etc.) I called 9/11 to be vindictive. Thankfully, they decided to only arrest one of us out of mercy for my son. He had no one else in the area. So, DCFS comes out and investigates (as a matter of routine, by state law) and sees that our child (miraculously) is well-adjusted, happy, has never been touched, ahead of grade level, our home is nice, blah blah blah.
but, in recent background checks, my case with the state has come up pending. I was told that usually happens when it was a minor case and they forgot to officially close it.
It affected my ability to get one job (or, so I thought).
Today, I just got off the phone with them and they said I never had a case and it was shut and sealed but that said company pulled the report before it had finished processing. That was the reason for the pending.
So, I guess while number three wasn't really ever a concern, I really thought it was. I don't have to worry about further pursuing this and headache paperwork, etc. I could this among the things that caught up with me since, technically, it did, or so I thought it did. And, yes, I have been reported to the state, something that wouldn't have happened if I weren't abusing alcohol. I believe when the report is pulled, it will always say "unsubstantiated." This is truly embarrassing, but it is the consequence .
Four will forever be a work in progress. I have some really angry people in my family who will not put it behind. I've given up on that. I also destroyed some friendships and although I'm remorseful, I can't take back my drunken low blows and I don't think for one minute they have to understand the disease, lack of filter, and forgive (In fact, I've never apologized since I don't think it's fair to do that to them).
So, here I am, two years in, things looking much brighter. I post this for encouragement, but also to say that this stuff did not have to become as problematic as it did. Alcohol is not anyone's friends.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Not,
We'll done on 2 clean years.
I am still working on that. No problem. I will never drink booze again.
It is my kryptonite.
For me...life is better when I am not physically addicted.
Mentally, I am more stable.
I keep coming to sr. It is a habit. Better than drinking by 1000x.
Compared to 3 or 4 years I am like a super hero.
Sobriety is liberating.
Thanks.
We'll done on 2 clean years.
I am still working on that. No problem. I will never drink booze again.
It is my kryptonite.
For me...life is better when I am not physically addicted.
Mentally, I am more stable.
I keep coming to sr. It is a habit. Better than drinking by 1000x.
Compared to 3 or 4 years I am like a super hero.
Sobriety is liberating.
Thanks.
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