Rar

Hi All

When you're offered an alcoholic drink at a social function, like at a private party, do you think is it acceptable to ask for something else like a sparkling water or another non alcoholic beverage when it hasn't been offered? Or should I just say, "No thanks?"

When I have friends over, I always ask, "Can I get you something to drink? I have (insert choices)..................

I'm laying the groundwork for an anticipated Easter dinner at friends.

Mummyto2

I would just ask for a soft drink, any further explanation is not needed, if it's pushed just say you don't like the taste of alcohol, their are people out there who are not addicted and don't drink alcohol, it's fine have a good day

Vinificent

Hi Rar - It's absolutely ok to ask for a soft drink or just water, but personally I travel with a 6 pack of my favorite seltzer or diet soda, and don't have a problem going to the car a grabbing it if nothing else at the party suits my needs. I used to host alot of boozy parties, and I would always push the alcohol because I wanted everyone drinking with me. Now I set up a serve yourself bar and don't go near it, but make sure there are plenty of non-alcoholic and sugar free options. Oh and I also bring my own "toast" item in the form of sparkling grape juice should it be a more formal occasion where a champagne toast may occur.
We need to own our sobriety and not apologize for it. Best to you!

Nonsensical

I usually scout it out first so I don't ask for something they don't have. I feel awkward if I think I've made the host feel awkward. If I haven't had time to scout it out, I just ask for water. Everybody has water.

If It's a friend's house I just bring my own.

Planning ahead is good. It reduces the chance of making a bad choice in a reactive moment.

August252015

This is a common question and there was just another thread on it recently- with lots of the same answers as you;re getting here ...

I say "no thanks," if offered just alcoholic choices, and water or another non-alc if offered those. BUT, I will say that I don't spend with people who wouldn't have acceptable choices because I don't spend time with people who would pose that choice.

Dee74

I either ask for a soft drink or water instead or just say no thanks. If it's not a big deal to you chances are it won't be a big deal to anyone else.

D

lessgravity

I'm OK with seltzer /water or whatever

If asked I either say I'm not drinking tonight or, if pressed, I'm taking a break from drinking.

As most point out on this site - people turn out to be less interested in our non drinking than we think.

FreeOwl

I make it a practice at events to bring a non alcoholic contribution to the event. Showing up with a few large bottles of Pelegríno and some fresh lime wedges is classy and brings your go-to beverage with you. ‘No thanks, I’m having a Pelegrino lime’.

Some fancy root beers or small batch soft drinks, a high end lemonade or a big batch of homemade ice tea.... lots of options.

At a bar or restaurant or event where a bring along is for some reason not seen as appropriate, then I always just ask for an ice water or a cranberry juice in response to the question of an alcoholic drink.

John9

I am very early into my sobriety, however I do have countless attempts at it, lasting several days - several weeks in the past.

All I can say is- No matter what, don´t take the drink. If pushed, or feeling the urge to drink, I would just leave early.

I´ve done it so many time....been sober for a while and then decided to have a drink (many of these times I was hanging out with friends) all these attempts to have just a drink ended in full relapses, each one lasting longer then the previous. My last relapse, which I´m currently recovering form lasted 6 months -.-, time im not getting back.

Trust me, there is no "only one" drink in our situation. I´ve tried it so many times, not anymore.

ScottFromWI

It's absolutely OK for you to say anything you like. There are plenty of people that do not drink alcohol that aren't even alcoholics. It's a trick of our addiction to make us obsess about things like this - but the reality is that other people really don't care one way or another if we are drinking alcohol. Most people don't even give it a second thought.

Rar

I get the no alcohol part. I was just questioning whether it was acceptable to ask for a non alcoholic beverage if it wasn't offered. I will ultimately bring my own for "the occasion' and just drink what I purchased.

Delilah1

Absolutely Rar, ask for a soda, or water. I am another who brings my own drinks to a function, it ensures I have what I would like, and so will anyone else not drinking alcohol.

PalmerSage

I think many hosts (the good ones, ha) offer alcohol but when the person doesn't jump at that they keep going down the list "soda, seltzer, lemonade..." If they don't offer, just ask for water. You would be shocked at what a non-event this usually is.

Rar

Thanks everyone. I'm not going to drink and I'm not worried about that. I just didn't want to show bad manners asking for something that wasn't offered and make the hostess uncomfortable.

LBrain

Were you actually asked if you would like "an alcoholic drink" or were you offered something specific, like a beer or wine? I don't ever recall anyone in my life asking me if I would like something with alcohol in it. I think it is just the accepted norm to offer the typical (drink that contains alcohol) at gatherings. We read too much into it. It is never impolite to say. "No thank you, do you have a soft drink instead?"
And it is never impolite to bring your own drink along. I do all the time, just in case.

Zanna

I think we tend to make refusing alcohol, a bigger deal than it actually is. I mean is someone offered you a cream cake and you said 'no', you wouldn't feel you had to make up an elaborate excuse as to why not.
Similarly, if you said no to the cake, it would be fine to say 'I'd love one of those sandwiches though' - I'd just ask for a soft drink or water - if nothing else it lessens the chance of the host feeling rejected.

JimiC

I have this in my plan from another member...

"No, thanks," is really all that is needed.
"It just wasn't helping me in any way in my life."
"I feel so much better without it."
"I've outgrown my partying days."
"I've decided to focus on my health and fitness," (of course, then there's health and fitness to focus on...)
"I'm taking a break from it to see how I like a completely alcohol-free life." You could use that for the next 40 years - "Oh, yeah, I'm still taking a break."

"I don't like how I feel when I drink," or, "I don't like the day-after feeling."

lee91

I think it's rare for people to ask why you're not drinking if you say no thanks, can I just have a coke (etc)..when I've said that before, the only people that have pushed it beyond asking if I'm sure are the ones who are also on the problematic drinking end of the spectrum!

If you're really worried, designated driver is always a good excuse. I also have a friend (occasional drinker, no addictive tendencies) who developed a legitimate allergy to alcohol out of the blue in her late 30s - proper hayfever type symptoms after just one sip - which has always seemed like a perfect cover if they aren't the sort of friends you can be honest with...she's only ever had to say it once, have a couple of curious people ask her about it, and then never had to excuse herself again. Seems such a waste for a non-alcoholic to have such an effortless way out of those situations! And one that forces commitment, because impulsive drinking without an explosion of red eyes, snot and sneezing.....