lessgravity

Feeling great at 22 days. Work, family, my body, spirit, mind - just the way I walk on solid ground - all so much better, even barely three weeks away from my last horrifying bender.

But I am already a bit worried about next weekend when I go to New Orleans for a friend's wedding.

I'm there for 3 nights before I go to Miami for 2 nights.

There will be MUCH imbibing done for those 3 nights. And well, if you haven't been to New Orleans...

I just know my beast will be very active in the cage he's been sitting in for the past 3 weeks.

Just acknowledging those urges will be crashing hard on the shore of my sobriety.

DreamCatcher17

I wish you the best. Post often!

For me: There was no way in hell I was doing anything of the such at 30 days sober... Maybe I would attend the wedding, but nothing else....
I don't care friend or not... I am concerned about me and my sobriety....

The main reason: I have NO desire to be in those types of situations. I don't want to be around a lot of people drinking, people drinking are annoying.

Have a nice escape plan ready to use if you need one.

J50

I've seen you ask this question of others...what's your plan to not drink during this trip?

Also, I think you know what the follow up replies are going to be.

Nonsensical

I find it helpful to visualize non-drinking activities in advance of drinking 'opportunities'.

For example, last weekend Mrs Nons was out of town. I had the house to myself for the weekend. As soon as I knew this was going to happen (weeks in advance) my AV was all about the SWEET, No One Will Know!
I like to get out in front on my AV, so I started planning my sober activities for the weekend (weeks in advance). Then I would visualize my activities. My AV wanted to have the we're gonna drink and no one will know fantasies, but I didn't entertain it. Just visualized my planned activities. That way, when the weekend arrived, I had a plan and a brain ready to accept the plan. And I didn't have to waste time in a pointless debate over what to do.

You can do this.

lessgravity

Excellent question! Ha.

My plan is not to drink. My wife is not drinking these days so that makes it easy.

Plan = post here. Have my sponsor on speed dial. Looking forward to early mornings in New Orleans - doing an early swamp tour on Friday. Will be out on the streets early Saturday exploring as well. Bringing workout shoes to hit the gym every day that I can.

I do know what the replies will be - but part of posting is getting the chance to think through things and work them out for yourself, regardless of what is expected.

lessgravity

Love that idea. I have the plans already, but I am totally going to get into the visualizations - if it was good enough for Michael Jordan to do pre-game, I think it's good enough for me.

RunToRecover

Good for you, LG. I have a conference in Vegas in April I'm semi-dreading for the same reasons... Please post and update us!

It sounds like you've got this, and that makes me so happy!

Rar

You can do this Less. Stay as close to SR as you can. You'll have your sponsor on speed dial, so that's good. We're here too if you can manage connecting.

J50

Sounds like a solid plan 👍

Have fun!

Anna

I can only tell you that I could not have done that. I'd have been miserable.

Could you go to the wedding but not the reception?

lessgravity

It's funny but my real drinking was always done by myself - on my couch, in my car, down a side street. I actually enjoy being sober and out, even among people/friends drinking.

If my beast is miserable and calling for the poison it's not at a fun party or dancing at a wedding, it's on a random weekday afternoon before I go to a bookstore or something.

Also these aren't my drinking buddies - those are hometown and college friends - so there won't be anyone peer pressuring me to drink.

Anna

Yes, absolutely, me too! I always drank at home, alone. But, I went to a neighbourhood party, early on in my recovery. I got through the party without drinking, but the next day, I was up early and out buying wine.

ScottFromWI

Be careful with that thought....perfect "foot in the door" for the AV to tell you that it will be just fine to hang out with a bunch of boozy friends - you'd never drink out in public, right? ;-)

Bottom line, you are walking into a pretty precarious situation - and already making pseudo excuses. "I always drank at home". "These are not my drinking friends so there will be no peer pressure". "I'll bring my gym shoes". All perfect diversions your addiction/AV can use to sneak a tiny bit of doubt into the conversation.

It is definitely possible for you to go to this wedding without drinking, people do it all the time. But you need to be firm and have alternate, concrete plans if you need them. Keeping SR close is a good one, how about making a comprehensive schedule for what you plan on doing so you don't end up with idle time? Print it out and keep it in your pocket if you have to.

Venecia

A member of my family married a native so I've been to New Orleans a couple times since going sober.

There's a lot of New Orleans to be enjoyed that has nothing to do with alcohol. If you're a history buff, the Presbytere and the Cabildo just off Jackson Square are utterly marvelous. And I can't wait to get to the WWII museum and the Backstreet Cultural Museum, which shares the city's history such as the fascinating tradition of the Mardi Gras "Indian chiefs." Walking around the neighborhoods such as the Garden District and Uptown is like stepping into a different world -- the homes are drop-dead gorgeous. Treat yourself to some of their cuisine. Maybe go further afield? The last time I was there, I rented a car and drove my mother and sister-in-law to Oak Alley, a plantation about an hour outside of town that's really pretty and shares its history honestly.

I encourage you to give thought to Scott and Anna's counsel. If it was me -- especially if I was just starting out in sobriety -- I'd find a way to skip the reception. Just find a way.

Congratulations on choosing sobriety! You'll always be happy you did.

rascalwhiteoak

Protect your sobriety, make no apologies for it, and enjoy your trip!

goodbyeevan

You got this LG! I believe in you! I'm already worried about a much less alcohol involved trip over memorial day. Let us know what cool stuff you're doing/seeing and any strategies you pick up while there!

AnvilheadII

i wouldn't go.....not with barely a month sobriety. the wedding will happen whether you attend or not......as will tons of other weddings in the future. but your sobriety is a GIFT, a fragile precious gift. that you already view it as a "boozy" drunk fest and you are concerned ABOUT going into such a venue tells me, at least, that this is not the time to be cavalier and try to test yourself.

MindfulMan

I’m like you. Social drinking with friends was a day of wine tasing or a glass or two of wine at a party. Then I would go home and start doing shots until I passed out.

My biggest trigger is an open bottle of hard booze in my house. My roomies occasionally drink, but if it’s hard liquor they don’t tell me and it’s in another part of the house.

Going out with people drinking doesn’t really trigger be. BUT...this is more than 9 months in, after a lot of work and treatment. No way in hell I’d put myself in that situation at 30 days.

If you feel you must go to the reception, plan on leaving early and have an exit plan to leave at any time if you get triggered.

Dee74

yeah thats an aim, and your desired outcome, but it's not really a plan, less.

Load yourself up with some of the good stuff:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)

to thinsg I thing are votal beyond reading and working through some of the suggestions in the above links.

The first is it's the first drink that gets you, not the last.
No first drink, no problem.

The second is - have an escape plan if things get overwhelming. I don;t know who's weeding it is but trust me, I've been to a million weddings - noones going to miss you if you disappear early.

If you think I'm wrong and they will - think about priorities.

My recovery has to be the most important thing in the world - cos without it I have no world at all.

D

Fly N Buy

Alcoholics Anonymous (A. A.) Meetings in New Orleans, Louisiana