Does Alcoholism Define Us?
D♭7♭9♯9♯11♭13
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 336
Originally Posted by Horn95 
If someone in Texas, for example, has an allergy to cedar trees. Does that define them?
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Horn95
My point is that we are MORE than this GD addiction. Folks who have kicked this diseas’s ass are awesome. Amazing. The strongest people I have ever met. It is THAT which should define us.
I am struggling with what I am feeling. I love the AA approach. But we, as the AA Big Book notes (the doctor’s opinion), we have an ALLERGY! Wr respond to alcohol in ways other folks don’t. Should that define us?
If someone in Texas, for example, has an allergy to cedar trees. Does that define them?
I just feel like we alcoholics spend too much time beating ourselves up. We’re not awful people. We have a MEDICAL sickness. Let’s get treatment. Let’s fight. But I do not want this thing to define me.
I am struggling with what I am feeling. I love the AA approach. But we, as the AA Big Book notes (the doctor’s opinion), we have an ALLERGY! Wr respond to alcohol in ways other folks don’t. Should that define us?
If someone in Texas, for example, has an allergy to cedar trees. Does that define them?
I just feel like we alcoholics spend too much time beating ourselves up. We’re not awful people. We have a MEDICAL sickness. Let’s get treatment. Let’s fight. But I do not want this thing to define me.
My alcoholism doesn't define me. My recovery does. Two completely different things.
Two very different things I came to grasp as I read further in the BB (you are just barely into it)- it took time (and still does) to "get it." I needed a good sponsor to do this. If yours is not available enough, IMO perhaps another sponsor is better. I made that kind of change after working with my first sponsor- who did instill tremendous discipline in me about reading pp 84-88 and 417-418 EVERY morning. My second/current sponsor and I primarily use the steps to maintain our best lives - I would say I live in 1, 10, 11 and 12. Keeps me straight and away from the ego, the "I."
Further, at just 2 years last week, I find that it's as important as ever to go to meetings - my sweet spot is 3-5 a week. Why? First, because I want to keep learning and growing as I handle ALL areas of my life better and better. Second, bc the long timers, so to speak, have wisdom and sober LIFE experiences from which I can learn. Those are just two reasons - and I plan to still be diligently attending meetings at 10, 20, 30 years sober as long as I am still living!
Yes, I too consider recovery the path of the hero. I don't "worry" or think about my disease- it just IS. What my life is like NOW, as the BB says, with acceptance of me, along with everyone and everything else, as where it is supposed to be now - and doing the next right thing to keep on going towards a good future- is my focus.
Best to you.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,387
I think I know where you're coming from and share that sentiment to some degree. I'd say the best way to make sure you're not defined by your drinking is to never drink again, to lead a rich full life and leave alcohol in the dust. That's the method I'm using!
G-Woman
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Mississauga, ON
Posts: 979
I used to struggle with that notion too - that I was "doomed" to attend AA meetings for the rest of my life, as some sort of punishment.
But I hear it time and time again - those old timers with 10, 20, 30+ years under their belt are there because they genuinely WANT to be there. And now I am beginning to understand that sentiment.
Considering the alternative, if I were to set aside time during my schedule to work on my recovery, it doesn't seem like too bad of a deal. I also have multiple other things in my life that make up who I am. I would LOSE all those other things if I didn't put my recovery first (and I know this from experience).
But I hear it time and time again - those old timers with 10, 20, 30+ years under their belt are there because they genuinely WANT to be there. And now I am beginning to understand that sentiment.
Considering the alternative, if I were to set aside time during my schedule to work on my recovery, it doesn't seem like too bad of a deal. I also have multiple other things in my life that make up who I am. I would LOSE all those other things if I didn't put my recovery first (and I know this from experience).
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
38 years and love going to meetings when I can. At the moment I am anchored in a beautful but remote bay in Northern Thailand with a bunch of other yachties who like a social drink, and not an AA meeting withint a 100 miles or more.
Meetings are not essential for me to stay sober. Living the principles of the program on a daily basis is, and they work anywhere regardless.
So when I attend a meeting it is not because I "need" to, or "have" to it is because I want to.
The why is what you will discover when you sincerely work the first nine steps of the program, and some of the many promises come true.
" We became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows."
The resulting spiritual experience from the steps brings these changes like they are just a natural part of our character. It is not forced, not done out of fear, not done as a discipline - these approaches only bring temporary relief, we get tired of the work and stop.
There are so many promises on this topic right through the Big Book, it would be a long post if I quoted them all. On top of that, before I had the experience, such promises were just words and meant little as they were beyond my experience.
Siffice it to say the reason I get involved in meetings and working with others is because it is so rewarding, especially when I get to watch someone recover right in front of me.
Maybe Bill's realisation in Emotional Sobriety puts it another way. "Stability comes from giving, not receiving."
Meetings are not essential for me to stay sober. Living the principles of the program on a daily basis is, and they work anywhere regardless.
So when I attend a meeting it is not because I "need" to, or "have" to it is because I want to.
The why is what you will discover when you sincerely work the first nine steps of the program, and some of the many promises come true.
" We became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows."
The resulting spiritual experience from the steps brings these changes like they are just a natural part of our character. It is not forced, not done out of fear, not done as a discipline - these approaches only bring temporary relief, we get tired of the work and stop.
There are so many promises on this topic right through the Big Book, it would be a long post if I quoted them all. On top of that, before I had the experience, such promises were just words and meant little as they were beyond my experience.
Siffice it to say the reason I get involved in meetings and working with others is because it is so rewarding, especially when I get to watch someone recover right in front of me.
Maybe Bill's realisation in Emotional Sobriety puts it another way. "Stability comes from giving, not receiving."
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
You got me thinking Horn, not always a good thing.
I went to a rock opera a little while ago called That Bloody Woman. It was about Kate Shepherd, the woman who campaigned for women to get the vote. New Zealand was the first country in the world to do that BTW.
The background was the shocking incidence of alcoholism and domestic violence in society at that time. One of the songs moved me to tears. It was about a women screaming at night because she was so happy, and all her injuries came from walking into doors and falling down stairs.
I thanked God at the time that I was no longer a part of that problem. That now, I and the fellowship I belong to are very much a part of the solution. With God's help, we change lives, lives of women, men, children, for the better. That stuff does not happen in our homes. If something had to define me, I would not be unhappy for this to be it.
I went to a rock opera a little while ago called That Bloody Woman. It was about Kate Shepherd, the woman who campaigned for women to get the vote. New Zealand was the first country in the world to do that BTW.
The background was the shocking incidence of alcoholism and domestic violence in society at that time. One of the songs moved me to tears. It was about a women screaming at night because she was so happy, and all her injuries came from walking into doors and falling down stairs.
I thanked God at the time that I was no longer a part of that problem. That now, I and the fellowship I belong to are very much a part of the solution. With God's help, we change lives, lives of women, men, children, for the better. That stuff does not happen in our homes. If something had to define me, I would not be unhappy for this to be it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
one little part of the big book that seems to get missed often:
None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work.
None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
It doesn't define me. I used to have a problem with alcohol, but I quit and now I don't. That's all there is to it. I rarely talk about it with anyone other than my BF or if I log on here to SR. I think the only part of past alcohol addiction that one should let define themselves is that they were strong enough and brave enough to quit and take their lives back. That's the true defining moment that matters.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Insightful and provoking conversations, as usual on SR.
I too have had those same thoughts Horn expressed - "man this guy has 15 years sober and he STILL is at an AA meeting at 7am or 1pm or 6pm??? Am I doomed to these dingy rooms?"
But then I think two things -
1. that this is really my AV in disguise, doing his nasty work beneath the surface. Prodding me to think that I might be different (course I'm not), tricking my subconscious to dreading recovery/abstinence because I don't want to be in these rooms years from now. And so I think these thoughts but doubt them in a sense, because I doubt where they might really be coming from.
And, maybe more important, certainly expressed in the responses - if getting sober gives me the life I have thwarted for all of my adulthood - if it gives me freedom and peace and confidence and just the ability to face myself and my life head-on - then perhaps that's something that I will want to share with others, cherish and not forget how it was sought and found.
I too have had those same thoughts Horn expressed - "man this guy has 15 years sober and he STILL is at an AA meeting at 7am or 1pm or 6pm??? Am I doomed to these dingy rooms?"
But then I think two things -
1. that this is really my AV in disguise, doing his nasty work beneath the surface. Prodding me to think that I might be different (course I'm not), tricking my subconscious to dreading recovery/abstinence because I don't want to be in these rooms years from now. And so I think these thoughts but doubt them in a sense, because I doubt where they might really be coming from.
And, maybe more important, certainly expressed in the responses - if getting sober gives me the life I have thwarted for all of my adulthood - if it gives me freedom and peace and confidence and just the ability to face myself and my life head-on - then perhaps that's something that I will want to share with others, cherish and not forget how it was sought and found.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi Horn 
No my alcoholism doesn't define me. Outside of SR I don't think about it at all.
My motives for still being here on SR are many but none of them include fear of relapse or an obsession with alcoholism.
Looking into the far distance when you've just started your journey can be overwhelming, even dispiriting.
My advice is try and stay in the day - and focus on whats the most important thing here - you staying sober
D
No my alcoholism doesn't define me. Outside of SR I don't think about it at all.
My motives for still being here on SR are many but none of them include fear of relapse or an obsession with alcoholism.
Looking into the far distance when you've just started your journey can be overwhelming, even dispiriting.
My advice is try and stay in the day - and focus on whats the most important thing here - you staying sober
D
Does alcoholism define me? Not in the least. Am I interested in alcoholism and the support community? Certainly. To use your analogy, I am guessing many cancer survivors are interested in cancer treatment advances and new technology in the field. Doesn't mean they are "defined" by cancer for simply being interested in a significant topic.
Rituals are human nature, they provide a social structure and a healthy routine. Some people belong to bike clubs or birdwatching groups, or have season tickets to the local football team. Are their lives "defined" by these activities? I don't think so. I think these are just enjoyable events and healthy hobbies. Same goes for those who choose to become anchors of the recovery community.
Your life in sobriety can be whatever you choose. As long as you find a way to get sober and stay sober, go nuts.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Maybe this is another angle. Alcohol no longer has any power over me. It hasn't done for many years. It does not determine who my friends will be, where I can go, what activities I can join, what events I can attend.
I don't have to hide from it, I don't have to ban it from my home, I don't need other people to not drink in front of me.
I can make the same choices on the same basis as any other sober human being. I can go to things I like, and not go to things I don't like.
I can participate in life just like any other person.
That is what freedom from alcohol, and recovery from alcoholism means to me.
Alcohol and alcoholism does not define or restrict me at all. When I was drinking, the opposite was true.
I don't have to hide from it, I don't have to ban it from my home, I don't need other people to not drink in front of me.
I can make the same choices on the same basis as any other sober human being. I can go to things I like, and not go to things I don't like.
I can participate in life just like any other person.
That is what freedom from alcohol, and recovery from alcoholism means to me.
Alcohol and alcoholism does not define or restrict me at all. When I was drinking, the opposite was true.
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