Gah: Update and did anyone else ruin a family vacation?
It will be two years sober in June.
Today, on my FB, a memory popped up of when I took my family on a much sought-after vacation to one of the coasts. The place was magical. During that time, my husband was based out there with my son.
He had to go somewhere, so I went out there to be with my son. I took the other members of my family out there with me. It was expensive and I even took my dad, an aging man.
Well, since I was in charge of driving and tourism while trying to drink and fend off withdrawals, I did the BARE minimum. I wasn't stupid enough to drive drunk, but I planned it to where I wouldn't have to drive very much. We drove down the coastal highway, and that was probably as much as I could muster. I also took a lot of cat naps in the day.
My daughter, who was a young teen, suspected things, but couldn't put her finger on it.
She kept yelling at me to get out of bed and take them places.
I did. Not many and not worth their trip out there. Maybe it was and I just feel extra guilty. But no one talks about it with any fond memories.
Usually, I was free to get loaded and act sober because my husband would be in charge of driving and coordinating. Without him, it was all on me.
I almost sent my daughters the pictures on the mountain today before I thought "this isn't a good memory".
I really suck. So many things to beat myself up about, but I hate the things I did to my family the most. My daughter and I still have a very bad relationship as a result of this time period and my subsequent hospital stays.
I've read that many people on here have children as their advocates. My oldest still holds so much resentment and hatred for that time period.
Anyway, just checking in. Haven't been here in a while.