joandmelandhan

Vivie you say these are relatives coming and they know you've given up drinking. I'm sure they care about you and if the don't know you're an alcoholic maybe suspect. What you decide for this event will set a precedent for the future. I would politely say my home is alcohol free now and leave it at that. Take care xxx

MyLittleHorsie

It really is up to you. If you are going to be tempted, then no.

For me, I don't care - we have whiskeys and Bailey's and cases of beer - they are my husband's, who surprisingly has never had an issue with booze and since I quit in October, has drank 3 times since. I have thought a lot about our next parties, because we will serve and have booze there and I guess Mr Horsie will be the mixologist and make the signature drinks, because I won't drink or serve it. There is no goldarn way he'll give it to me now.

milly4me

Vivie . . . darling . . . listen to yourself . . ."don't want to be rude" . . . you keep the good stuff on hand and aren't tempted to drink it 'cause you "wouldn't want to waste it" on yourself.

We have GOT to be better to ourselves, ya know?

I'm amazed how so many of us on this board are people pleasing sorts who put our own needs behind anybody else's. This has got to be at the base of so many of our issues . . . and why we allow ourselves to drink.

And it's so messed up. I mean, by people pleasing our way through life, drinking and stuffing our needs and emotions 'cause we don't want to be rude or something . . . we end up being the most selfish people of all. Alcoholism really is such a selfish thing. It takes moms away from the kids, workers away from their duties, etc . . .

Ah . . . just ramblin' a bit here.

But damn girl . . . don't worry about the guest. Protect yourself. DON'T serve the wine.

silentrun

Your post reminds me of an old adage: error on the side of caution.

Vivie

Thank you all for your thoughts. A lot of eye openers there.

I’ll let you know how it goes, i.e. without the wine and giving the bottles to them to take away. It’s good to have a plan.

DontRemember

How long have you been sober? Sorry if I missed that.. I now have a 'wet' house again(did no booze allowed for 3mo). I just no longer drink it. I entertain clients and friends often,so and I know it's my house/rules,I have a stocked bar. It's mainly expensive crap brought by guests from previous parties and i don't drink that(cheap stuff for me!). I can drink at any given time of the day,but I DON'T drink anymore. Again..this is me and everyone is different. I know I haven't defeated my disease, I've just learned what puts it in motion...1 drink. I no longer take that.

Vivie

DontRemember: my wake up call was in October. Between then and 26th December I’ve drank on 5 occasions: 1 after work g&t because it was put in front of me, an evening out with friends and 5 proseccos, 1 after work glass of red „socialising“, 2 after work mimosas on a Thursday in December because I felt I deserved it (I did not) and shared one final bottle with family on 26th December.

I went to a handful of friends‘ and office parties abstaining completely and had a good time.

Not all that much, but just cutting down is not going to work for me. It’s easier to stop completely: one’s never enough.

Dropsie

Vivie,

I would take them out and give them the wine as gifts.

That will send a strong message to you AV. I am done. No matter what s/he thinks.

Plus going out means you can relax and enjoy without feeling bad for not serving booze or having to cook.

Make this a secret celebration for you of your sobriety!

SoberCAH

There's no way i would serve or keep alcohol in my house if i had been alcohol free for less than 30 days.

Particularly if i had relapsed on multiple occasions in the preceding couple of months.

Forget about it.

I'm not interested in swapping my sobriety for being thought of as a gracious host.

EliL

If I was worried about giving in I wouldn’t have the dinner party. To be fair there were dozens of times I had quit fir a time and would have had the dinner party so it depends on where you are at in yourself?

Vivie

Food for thought indeed. Thank you.

Pathwaytofree

I don't mean to sound better than, correct anyone, or whatever it is that I do due to my lack of communication skills, but this post gives me a chance to share some hope with you all.

Recently, I went to a luncheon with some acquaintances. We all brought something. Ironically I was asked to bring wine. One of the women who is in the wine business offered to pick the bottles out for me and I'd just pay her. I agreed and was relieved.

At the lunch, all the women gathered around in the kitchen to try the wine out. I was asked if I wanted red or white in my glass. I smiled calmly and said "No thanks, I'll pass".

When we all sat around for lunch, I figured I was safe. But I wasn't. People around me were drinking it and I smelled it. Early on in recovery it was really hard for me to be around wine. I missed the taste, the smell, and especially how it made me feel. I missed talking about wine. I missed tasting different ones. Again I was asked if I wanted some wine, and again I declined. I was a little anxious but I tried not to show it.

Halfway through the lunch, the woman who brought the wine said to me about 4 people away (large table, lots of people) "PTF, there's still some white wine left. Would you like to try it before it's gone?" Even though I said "no thank you, you all enjoy it", I think she may have thought I was just trying to be polite in not taking any. In hindsight, I wish I had thought to say that I no longer drink wine because of a medical condition. She did something that at first I was very resentful of, but now I see she was just trying to be kind. She walked over to where I was sitting, put an empty glass of wine down next to me, and put the bottle down next to me. Again she said, "PTF, would you like to try some?" I just smiled again and said no thank you.

Then I got up and asked for some water. I was asked to put my water in my unused wine glass that was still sitting out on the kitchen counter. That was a strange thing. Every time I took a sip of the water, my mind was playing games with me. I kept needing to sniff the water to make sure there actually wasn't wine in the glass. What if someone else had used it? I got nervous that maybe this wasn't a clean wine glass and that there were remnants of wine.

The craziest part of this long story? I suddenly got a strong wiff of one of the women's glass of wine and instead of wanting it like a thirsty man in the desert wants water, I thought "Ew that smells sour".

So my point?

There's an awful lot of hope in my mind actually telling me "Ew that smells sour".

Who woulda thought. Wine wasn't my favorite alcoholic drink but it was what I turned to toward the end. Now put me around a glass of a White Russian or anything with Kahlua or Bailey's, I'm not sure I'd have the same reaction. There might be a little white knuckling going on. My mouth is watering at the memory of Kahlua in coffee. But there's hope, because I have the tools now of what to do when my mind becomes alcoholic. Our disease centers in the mind.

Sober 5 years but it's been decades since I first crossed the threshold into a 12 step meeting. But I still wouldn't do anything to tempt fate, because my mind may very well say something completely different next time, no matter how many years I have sober. It still is and always will be a daily reprieve.

I'm having some old friends over tomorrow. They've seen me drink. One's seen me buzzed/drunk. I will not be serving wine, and if they happen to bring any I'm going to smile calmly and say, "I'm sorry, I don't serve alcohol in my house. Would you like some sparkling water and lemon?" If asked, I'll just say "Oh I don't drink anymore." Done.

But I still will not tempt fate.

(bolded the important stuff for those who don't want to read my long post).

Vivie

Haha! I read it all, thank you! A tricky situation indeed.

The dinner has been postponed due to illness. That hasn’t changed my resolve though. I’m going ahead with a dry home and will give away the remaining bottles when they come.

Pathwaytofree

Keep us posted. :-)

Vivie

Will do. Waiting for rescheduling...

ReadyAtLast

Good call. Maybe get rid of the wine in the house now though. When the av hits it's too easy to pick up if you have wine in the house.

Pathwaytofree

Dreamcatcher and Mindfulman--- great ideas!!!

anxiousrock

Make a punch instead! You can make a really good non-alcoholic punch, and it's classy as well!
I'm sure they can go through dinner without wine.

Pathwaytofree

Great idea!
If they're alcoholic their minds will tell them they can't, and they'll be riddled with anxiety the entire time. But that's not the point, she shouldn't serve it if it will effect her sobriety.

miamifella

Not everyone serves wine with dinner. And if one of the guests has dementia, you really do not want to have them near alcohol.

This is your family. They know the situation. They probably would expect that you would not serve wine anyway.