Bombshell

Hi,

Hope it's okay posting this here, apologies if it should be in a more specific forum.

I went to my first ever AA meeting on Saturday morning. I was so nervous going in, and really surprised and touched by the warm welcome I got. I have a question about it though.

I've been reading online about the steps and it says about believing that a higher power can help you overcome addiction, and turning your will over to that higher power. I am wondering how this works exactly. I believe in God, and have prayed many times for help with overcoming my addiction. But I still keep drinking.

I'm just wondering is there something that I'm not 'getting'. I don't understand it - if I believe in a higher power and have asked for help, but I still want to drink - does this mean AA would not work for me? Am I missing something fundamental here?

I would appreciate any insight or advice you guys may have. In my head, going to a meeting was a HUGE step that I thought I could never take, so I'm kind of despairing that I've taken that step and nothing really seems to have changed with regards my drinking.

Thank you for any advice!

DreamCatcher17

Welcome Bombshell,

I would suggest getting a sponsor and working on the steps. WIth a sponsor, they are able to guide you through them and help through these questions as working through them can bring you to a better understanding!

I am sure others will give great advice too!

joandmelandhan

Bombshell sweetheart don't panic!
I don't go to AA but have done in the past and just wanted to chip in to reassure you.
What I was told is that the 12 steps are in that order for a reason. Step 1 being the first to work on in partnership with a sponsor should you chose that route.
It is indeed a big step (pardon the pun) to go to your first meeting. Maybe try a few more. Listen. Learn. Get a Big Book. Take some phone numbers.
They also say "keep coming back it works if you work it" so trust them at their word.
I would say an open mind and willingness to do whatever is recommended to you is all you really need.
So like they say keep going back. If nothing else for now the connection with fellow alcoholics and inspiring shares are great in the early days. Take care xxx

BlownOne

Most times relief from drinking or having the obsession to drink removed comes as a result of what is termed a spiritual awakening. The "spiritual awakening" is achieved by working the 12 steps with utter honesty and great effort. Not "half assed" or with reservations. Do what the other posters have suggested. Get a sponsor and keep going to meetings and listen. That being said even tho I am an AA devotee, there are other recovery methods out there that have worked great for people, so don't think AA is the only way, cuz it's not. It simply works for me. What works for you may be different.

tomsteve

good on ya for going AND for asking questions!
still wanting to drink meaning AA wouldnt work for you- it took about 6 months before i made a full 24hr without thinking of drinking. during that first 6 months, i went to as many meetings as possible, read the big book, started working the steps, prayed like crazy, and didnt drink even when i thought my ass was falling off. there were some days i couldnt not drink one day at a time, so i went down to one hour at a time. there were times one hour at a time was too long so i went down to one minute at a time. sometimes one minute at a time was too long so i went down to one second at a time.
as i went to meetings and worked the steps, the thought of drinking slowly disappeared the 10th step promises happened for me:
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

it all starts with the 1st step- admitting we were powerless over alcohol( cant not drink even when i dont want to drink. and when i do drink, i cant stop.),that our lives have become unmanagble-that might be self explanatory.
then the 2nd step:
came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
came to believe through working the rest of the steps.
3rd step:
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
im not sure if you have, or have heard of, the big book of AA, but the big book explains this pretty good starting the bottom of pg60 on through pg 63. it explains why we have to do this step.

i think it would be wise to do some reading in the big book of AA,which can be found to read online here:
https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoholics-anonymous
personally id suggest starting from the very 1st page and through the chapter, "more about alcoholism" at this time. or keep reading.
id also suggest going to as many meetings as you can at this time. if possible beginners meetings in there somewhere.
listen for similarities in the thinking of others. you should be able to get phone numbers from other members. they work great when the urge to drink comes up,plus the phone is lighter than a bottle and much better solutions,too.
it would also be wise to keep an ear open for a sponsor, which is someone that can guide you through the steps.this should be a pdf on what sponsorship is
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

p.s.
i didnt understand crap about AA when i first went. i got the big book real quick and read it like crazy. and it didnt make any sense( i wasnt used to eloquently written literature).
slowly but surely, what was being said at meetings and what i read in the big book started making sense. plus, asking people questions helped,too.
plus, at open topic meetings, bringing up a topic helped get answers,too.

Bombshell

Thank you all for your replies. About getting a sponsor, how does that work? Do I have to ask someone or will someone offer to be my sponsor? I'm not sure of the etiquette!

I was told at the meeting that exact phrase - 'keep coming back'. I haven't been back to one yet and have, to be honest, been drinking since. But I definitely will go back. I still can't take in the fact that I was sitting in a room with so many people who understood and had the same problem as me. It was a bit mind blowing, I don't think I've properly processed it yet. I kept feeling ashamed and then telling myself I didn't have to feel ashamed with these people who were in the same boat as me.

TomSteve - thank you - I've downloaded the big book on my kindle and have started reading it. I did get some numbers also but I'm too shy to ring them. I've been texting one girl but haven't told her when I've been going to drink. It's partly feeling too shy to reach out but also not wanting to be talked out of drinking, if I'm honest.

Berrybean

Maybe try this prayer ...

First Step Prayer

Dear Lord, Help me to see and admit that I am powerless over my alcoholism. Help me to understand how my alcoholism has led to unmanageability in my life. Help me this day to understand the true meaning of powerlessness. Remove from me all denial of my alcoholism.

Amen

(This prayer is developed from the chapter, More About Alcoholism)

As far as getting a sponsor goes, it's up to us to ask someone. Big Book and 12 step study meetings are good places to pick a sponsor. The secretary at your home group (usual meeting) will know who may be available. But the best way is to talk to the people who give you numbers and get to know who has the kind of sobriety you'd like for yourself, then just ask them. If they re not able to do it they'll likely have some suggestions of people who might.

I found the 12 and 12 book really useful for getting to know more about each step. Also the speaker recordings helped me understand and reflect on each step more deeply as i got round to working on them. There are lots that are good for beginners to the fellowship.

This is a good place to listen to or download recovery speaker recordings... https://www.recoveryaudio.org

I found it really hard to call people as well. It doesn't need to be a long or deep conversation. Touching base with someone really does help to get us in the habit of making phone calls. If we can call someone when we don't need to, it will be much easier when the time comes when we DO need to. It can just be "hello, this is x. You gave me your number and I've been told to call people, so I'm calling you. Hows your day going?" They can take the conversation from there.

Hope that helps a little bit.

BB

August252015

Glad you are here- good comments above.

One add'l thought - the only requirement for AA membership is a DESIRE to stop drinking. You don't actually have to be sober to go - you also don't have to tell anyone that. A lot of places do what is called temporary sponsorship so if you keep coming back to more meetings (you'll hear this ALL the time along with other sayings! It because normal to your ears) you could listen for someone who seems approachable to you and just start a conversation. That would be a good person to discuss actually quitting with - I know that my sponsor, others I know and how I have been in just my first few attempts at sponsoring (I am 23 mo sober this week) want the other person to have quit and be ready to work the steps.

Glad you are here- it's a great place to learn and lots of us AAers can provide thoughts and support. My firm belief, though, is that the best way to not just "get" AA in terms of basic outline of the program but to understand how to put it into action is indeed to work the steps with a sponsor. We all came in with questions of all kinds, and IME and in observing others, the fellowship part (working with other alcoholics, first as the learning sponsee) is what keeps us going and growing in recovery.

Best to you.

tomsteve

my nickname in high school was shyboy.
i learned in recovery i wasnt shy. i was afraid- afraid of what others thought of me. low self esteem.
the program helped tremendously with that.
keep comin back and texting. the courage to call will happen.
it works if ya work it so work it youre worth it.

Gottalife

That was very honest about not calling because you wanted to drink. That is exactly what I and any other alcoholic would do. I never called anyone when I was going to drink for exactly that reason.

On getting a sponsor, it is up to the group to carry its message to the alcoholic, not for you to find it by some process of trial and error. I found my first few months in AA, my perceptions about the other members changed a lot. People that I thought were cool turned out to be disaster areas, and others that I maybe didn't like much at first, turned out to be a great help. How are you supposed to know who is who? I was not a great judge of chracter at the start.

One way is to ask the secretary of the meeting if they can suggest a suitable sponsor. Another is to ask a prospective sponsor "if they have worked all twelve steps and had a spiritual awakening as the result?" If they haven't, they may be a nice person but they are not qualified to show you precisely how we recovered.

Another way to find a good sponsor is to look into a variety of meeting types. If you check out big book study or primary purpose groups you will often find people with great experience with the program who can help you. Be selective. This is a life or death matter. You can always change sponsors, but if you are careful about who you pick, you probably won't need to.

JScatt

The Higher Power and God thing always reminds me of the saying "God helps those that help themselves"