Pajanickah

I'm back here again. 16 hours in. I don't really know how many days straight that I drink. I think 11. I got caught drinking at work and it really embarrassed me, so I once again, quit before I could get fired and tried to check into detox. However, they didn't have a bed until, January. My boss doesn't want me to quit, but I am way too embarrassed to face my coworkers. I squandered Lord knows how much money, and did questionable things sexually with random people I met off Craigslist. This has got to end, I've literally quit like 9 jobs while under the influence of alcohol. This has been manifesting itself for 3 years. I've been reading here since 2 am and of course, it's hitting me hard. Trying to eat, but my stomach hurts so bad. Took a shower for the first time since Monday and my scalp is so dry it's literally flaking off. I don't have a lot of feeling in my hands and feet and am having some vision problems. I'm just frustrated with how I continue to live and how irresponsible I've become over the last 3 years. Sorry, I just feel pretty helpless right now.

comtnman740

Hang in there! It does get better. Just remember that we don't shoot our wounded and we will always welcome you back with open arms. : )
Have you thought about putting a recovery plan in place? Maybe AA?
Garrison

Pajanickah

I need to get through this detox don't wanna overwhelm myself mentally, cause honestly I can barely think right now.

comtnman740

I understand. Can you focus just on today? That is what you have in front of you right now. As Alcoholics its easy to look into the future and self sabotage ourselves. What do you have planned today to stay sober?

Pajanickah

Well I'm not going to drink. I can barely move around, but I need to get food and some sports drinks. I just can believe how depersonalized i am right now.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Pajan. Have you considered contacting your local AA chapter or another recovery group? You cannot change what you've done but you can make choices today that will help you get better.

Pajanickah

I really do wanna go to a meeting if I'm not so anxious tomorrow.

comtnman740

Well don't beat yourself up too much. Your intentions sound good. Just relax today, maybe eat and read. Do you have a Big Book?

Pajanickah

I have an NA book, but it's making me anxious just thinking about reading it.

ScottFromWI

The anxiety is pretty common for withdrawals, especially after such a long bender. WD's can get progressively worse each time as well, so please make sure you have someone local/nearby you can call on if you need help.

I would not rule out calling your local AA hotline anyway, it would be helpful to have someone to talk to and perhaps let you know about other local resources.

Pajanickah

If I don't feel better by 6, I'm gonna go to ER

Pajanickah

But at this point I don't feel well enough to drive. I'm a little paranoid about everything.

ScottFromWI

That sounds like a good idea, don't be afraid to go or call for help if you need it. Better to be safe than sorry if your symptoms get worse.

Pajanickah

Ibe had DT's before, but that was when I was drinking daily for years.

Anna

Withdrawals are unpredictable, so please do consider getting medical help if you're concerned.

I hope that you can come up with a plan that will work for you.

bossybutt

If you have a family member or friend you can call to come help you, please do. I did my last withdrawal alone and it was a nightmare. Even if you just have them bring you the gatorade/food/whatever you need, let them help if you have someone. I took myself to the store through the shakes, etc last time, and probably shouldn't have been out in public for any reason other than the hospital or an AA meeting. Just remember in a few days it will be better than you feel right now, even tomorrow at this time it will be. The anxiety is the worst for me so I totally understand. I'm here if you need someone to talk to

Pajanickah

I went and got food and Gatorade. You're right shouldn't have gone out it was terrifying. I was so jumpy. This is gonna be mentally hard for me in the next few weeks so I defiantly need a plan.

Pajanickah

Hopefully I'll feel a little better after some food. Just ate a soft taco. I seem to be chain smoking so that's a little annoying.

Pajanickah

I'm really having a hard time seeing. Is that normal?

perea3

I can relate. We need to keep trying. Day one for me again