BellRene

The past 21 days went by so fast. So happy I to be sober, alert, and just...content. Then the familiar thoughts started to creep in. The same depressing thoughts that made me want to drink in the first place. My bf brought up the things that happened the last time I drank 23 days ago this weekend and I feel like he won't let me move on. I understand his side but it was still a low blow. This is getting harder but I don't want to give up.

Anna

It is hard to move beyond past mistakes. Have you and your boyfriend talked about what happened 23 days ago already? Have you both tried to understand the other person's feelings? It's understandable that your boyfriend is concerned about you drinking again, but at the same time, if he will not or cannot forgive you, then it creates a situation that is very unhealthy for you.

Congratulations on 21 days sober.

BellRene

We talked about and I listened to everything he had to say. I let him vent and took it becasue I knew I was at fault. This weekend he was mad and wouldn't tell me why. He later tells me it was because of what happened 23 days ago and that it is all my fault. I don't know if this is part of becoming sober, to have to hear about past mistakes or if this is something else entirely.

Susiegirl

The past is in the past - leave it there - you are moving on and succeeding - just try to rise above the sly digs - they will soon pass X

Gohawksgo

i just joined today!
I hear ya, my gf has been keeping me at arms length but gives hints she wants us to work. I literally just got out of treatment yesterday. Im trying to understand her feelings but I'm trying to move forward with her and not dwell on the past.

ChloeRose63

You need to let the past go and put it behind you. You and your bf discussed it and there is no reason to bring it up again. The past behavior should be left in the past.

Berrybean

Well, sometimes if we've hurt people or scared them it can take them a while to recover. And letting him vent isn't that same as apologising or offering amends, but you may not be ready for that yet.

Maybe he's worried you'll drink again and it could happen again. It might be worth trying to understand how he feels if you want to be able to work past this together.

BB

Berrybean

PS There is support available for him as well. Perhaps you could direct him to the Friends and Family area on here. Or AlAnon? (You don't have to be going to AA for him to benefit from AlaAnon).

BB

BellRene

Thank you guys, I agree with all of you. I have kept my promise to not drink and have accepted responsibility for my behavior. I told him I would give him space because I want to maintain my sobriety. Since he can't offer me support it warms my heart that I can always come here and receive helpful advice.

BellRene

He is suppose to be going to AA meetings. I've gone to one with him in the past and offered to go to more with him. We've worked on our issue and everything was fine until a few days ago but I can respect the fact that people need time to heal.

Berrybean

AA is for alcoholics - perhaps you could go along with him. AlAnon for the people who have to put up with us.

BB

BellRene

Maybe him and I need to go to AlAnon lol. He is court ordered to go for himself.

Berrybean

Ahhh.

Well if he's dealing with trying to get sober himself then he's in even less of a position to deal with whatever happened on your last drunk.

And yes, there's plenty of double winners where AA and AlAnon is concerned. You could both go to both lol.

BB

Verdantia

Maybe hitting some meetings together would be helpful. Ultimately we have to get sober for ourselves, though. Things will only get better with continued sobriety. There is nothing that alcohol will not make a hundred times worse. Best wishes in your sober journey, BellRene.

Dee74

I'm glad you're committed to your recovery BellRene - hopefully the longer you're in recovery the less the past will be bought up

D