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My kids....

Old 10-30-2017, 12:28 PM
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My kids....

I am new here, and this is my first post. I have been in recovery for 4 years and 1 month. I am a recovering HERION addict. The first 3.75 years of my were in a Medically Assisted Treatment program (Subutex), and 2 months ago I detoxed my self off of that as well.

Here lately I am having a hard time coping with anxiety. Especially since stopping the subutex. I am in the middle of a contentious court battle with my exhusbands parents with regards to custody of my three oldest children. I also have a seven month old with my fiancee of whom I have full custody.

The ex-inlaws watched my kids the last year of my active addiction to give me time to get sober, and get my life together. Three months after getting clean (I waited to make sure that could stay clean), I went back to get my kids. The following day I was served with an Ex Parte Dependancy and Neglect petition. They claimed I was still using, which wasnt true and I had a hair follicle to prove that.

Now we are four years in to this custody battle, and going through the process of appeal. The old judge from the first trial said I wasnt fit, bc I was using (legally prescribed) subutex. So I recently stopped taking that as well in an effort to get my kids back.

Our final appeal trial is in February. I am in the process of trying to get the judge to lift the supervision off of my visits. I am just having a hard time, and I feel like I am fighting a losing battle. I have a nice home, a good work from home job with full benefits, and I have never failed a drug screen. I am trying to do everything right, but it seems like no matter what I do its never enough.

What makes it worse is the ex-inlaws are brainwashing my kids. They have made up all kinds of stuff they feed to the kids. Its sad. I just want to be a mom to my kids. I dont understand how anyone would want to keep kids away from a parent if they are fit.

Recently my anxiety has gotten so bad over all of this, that sometimes it feels like I am having a heart attack. I guess I just wanted to see if anyone else had gone through someting like this, and made it to the otherside?
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Old 10-30-2017, 12:48 PM
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Hi there, when I quit booze and xanax my anxiety was off the freaking charts. It takes time, so be patient. I am 2.5 years and my anxiety has been a challenge the whole time. Here are some things I had success with:

An anti depressant with anti anxiety properties
Exercise
Limiting caffeine intake


I am looking into a breathwork class because I have a hard time meditating STILL as I cannot quiet myself down...even at 2.5 years along. I am also looking into chiropractic care to help with anxiety and stress levels.

A lot of folks I know have had success with magnesium for anxiety...there is a drink called CALM that is mage from magnesium and it works well for many.

It is trial and error. It's very normal to have a lot of anxiety in early recovery so don't think it is just you or that you are crazy.
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Old 10-30-2017, 12:53 PM
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Welcome and I'm sorry for your situation.

I hope, now you are not using the subutex, that you successfully gain custody of your children in February. I'm sure this has been a stressful journey for you.

In the meantime, spend as much time as possible with your children, even if it needs to be supervised. Hopefully things will work out for you in February.
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Old 10-30-2017, 01:46 PM
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Thank you both for your kind words. I appreciate it. I have never really had to deal with anxiety before, and this is really getting to me. I have tried meditation, but as soon as I am done the anxiety comes back full force. It feels like I am frozen in my skin. Like I cant catch my breath. Like I am being held under water. Its so hard to explain, but it is the most retched feeling ever.
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Old 10-30-2017, 03:20 PM
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Hello.
You are the one that has already made it to the otherside. You are fully clean. Now this legal battle is a major source of anxiety and stress.
It would be for everyone.

If I may suggest relaxation, chinese massage called chi nei tsang.
Bitter Orange essential oil also seems to help me stay calm.
Try and Stay in the present, in the now. Look up mindfulness. The past doesnt exist anymore tomorrow doesn’t exist yet. Only now exists one step at a time. ( ok I sound like a budhist)
You should also talk to your GP.

I agree with Anna do all you can to see your kids as often as possible...everyday if possible even supervised.
Take care.
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