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Old 01-13-2011, 03:59 PM
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Hi everyone, good to be here.

I have been down this road before, I joined AA in Spring of 2009. I had many stresses in my life at the time and was terribly depressed. My heart was not in AA. I just went along to meetings and saw them as social events. I flirted with many guys there (Even went on a bender with one... guess the rest). I continued to drink.

Then in Summer of 2009 a miracle happened and my big problem was taken away from me. I thought that would be the end of my problem drinking and for a while it was. I 'drank like normal people' I had a rule to never drink alone again.

But it sneaks back up on you doesnt it? I was back to drinking wine in the house these last 6 months or so and it escalated. Ending with a 4 day bender last week (Weds- Sat) with involved 10 bottles of wine and a litre of White Rum. I was physically unable to drink anymore and had the DTs pretty bad on Sunday. Consiidering I am currently on warfarin and my INR levels went sky high as a result, that was pretty dangerous for me.

My withdrawal has not been too painful, AA meetings and I have got myself a sponsor. I am concentrating on the Big Book as well. I have had mild symptoms such as extreme tiredness and then insomnia, night sweats and a feeling like I am in a bit of a fog. I am feeling better now at the end of day 5. Although I did not sleep well last night, I had the energy to spend a nice afternoon with a friend after I had some bloods done. Thankfully my INR levels are now back to normal.

I admitted to my GP my problem and he has commended my decision to go to AA and has prescribed me 30 days worth of Campral and wants to see me for a chat in a month.

I am worried though, is this the death of my social life? A large group of friends are going out on Saturday Night and I just cannot go with them. Some of them know my issues but as my problem drinking was not done in front of others, they just think I am being silly and over dramatic.

I am a divorced female in my late 30s in the UK. Looking forward to making new friends.
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Old 01-13-2011, 04:27 PM
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Welcome Kitty!
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Old 01-13-2011, 04:28 PM
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Hello Kitty! You know you have to remove yourself from those things and events, whenever possible, that make you want to drink. If your friends are enablers, are they really your friends?
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Old 01-13-2011, 04:53 PM
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Welcome!

Good for you for getting back on track. I can only say that I couldn't be around alcohol or people drinking alcohol for a long time. And, I know that early recovery involves a lot of changes. Maybe you can meet your friends for coffee instead?
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Old 01-13-2011, 04:56 PM
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Welcome kitty! Glad you're here. I think we all know what it feels like to think "how am I going to be social without alcohol?" I know I had the same fears, even though most of my drinking was done alone.

All I can say is you're not going to do yourself any favors by going out with drinking friends - especially at first. Try to take it a day at a time and just focus on your recovery for now.

I found that after a period of time I could be around friends and family even when alcohol was present. So it does get better. But for now, if you want to get sober, it's going to mean a few sacrifices.

Another thing I noticed when I did start going out again is that most people don't drink like I did. Infact, there were only a few who did (and I'd bet they have problems themselves).

Hang in there!
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Old 01-13-2011, 05:27 PM
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Welcome to SR Kitty - you'll find a lot of friends here

D
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Old 01-13-2011, 05:52 PM
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Old 01-13-2011, 05:55 PM
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Welcome Kitty!
Hope to hear more from you. SR is full of support and lots of information. I had to cut all ties with alcohol and that includes hanging at the bar with friends. There are other things you can find to fill your time with what used to be your drinking time. I wish you the best!!
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Old 01-13-2011, 06:19 PM
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Welcome, Kitty!

If your social life revolved around drinking (even though you did your problem drinking in private), you might need to readjust your social life for a bit. Hanging out in drinking establishments is a VERY bad idea in early sobriety.

It certainly doesn't mean the death of your social life, though. Once you are on solid ground you will have no need to hide from alcohol--if you are on solid spiritual ground you can go anywhere you want and do anything except drink.

Don't expect your friends to understand right away, if ever. They don't have to understand. YOU know what your drinking did to you, and that's all you need to know. Some of your friendships may change, but concentrate on your recovery for right now and it will all fall into place in good time.
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Old 01-13-2011, 06:26 PM
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Hi Kitty. Sounds like you made a decision to move on. Sadly, that means leaving many aspects of the life that went along with it and modifying the rest so they won't cause you to get sucked into the whole thing again.

While in the interim, it's not so great on the love life, it is a good opportunity to heal, which in turn will allow you a new and improved lady to offer someone.

Who wants someone with "baggage"? Well, alcohol IS baggage and the worst kind.

I look forward to getting back out there and meeting a great lady at some point myself. But for now, I have to be selfish and heal. But it's all good. I know what I want for me, so finding Ms. Right won't be a problem after this. She will not be a drinker, or she will be a recovering alcoholic who is as sworn to abstainance as I.

Going on five months tomorrow and feeling great. The time alone is healing me of more than just the alcohol curse. I'm calming myself.

Good luck!!!
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Old 01-13-2011, 06:41 PM
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Welcome Kitty. I agree with Lexie - in these early days it's best to be extra cautious & stay away from tempting situations. I still have friends who say, "Oh come on you can have just one! You're ok now!". They just don't get it - but we do! That's why this place is great - we all understand and support you completely.

Let us know how it's going for you Kitty!
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Old 01-13-2011, 08:04 PM
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As my social circle were all drinkers....they too thought
I was being dramatic by quitting and joining AA.
Drinkers like others to drink too.

I found a group of mostly single AA'ers and we did
all sorts of fun and interesting activities....

I've never regretted my choice to keep my recovery moving forward.

Welcome to SR....
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Old 01-13-2011, 09:50 PM
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Hi and welcome!

I still have most of my old friends, but I don't join them when they're out for beers anymore (maybe in a few months... then again, why bother? Been there and seen that a million times.) I've compensated by inviting them to get coffee on a saturday afternoon, go check out a movie, that sort of thing. As for the ones I haven't seen lately... well, I guess that means we didn't have much in common besides drinking.

If it was the death of one social life, it was the birth of another. The new one's a lot more fun actually.
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Old 01-14-2011, 08:53 AM
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Hello Kitty lol,

Welcome from a fellow newcomer.
Thanks for your words of encouragment and directing me to your story
This is my 1st real attempt of quitting for good.

Pleased to hear you are coping OK and have support around you from your group and sponsor. I'm sure you are going to make many more friends here

I would not worry too much about your friends at home, you are putting yourself first which is absolutley the right thing to do at this point in your life!
If they are real true friends they will wait until you are ready, I'm positive of that

I on the other hand, dont have the same problem at the moment, a few of my buddies text to ask if I'm drinking this weekend, I said no and not heard back lmao. Not that I would have joined them anyway without drinking.

Keep your chin up and stay strong for yourself
I hope you really enjoy your night out and company tomorrow, which you would have missed out on had you been on the bottle x
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Old 01-14-2011, 09:01 AM
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Old 01-14-2011, 09:28 AM
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Hi everyone! Thanks for your kind words. Today has been good, I went to AA and then for coffee with my sponsor (I knew her from AA before) and have made some concrete plans for tomorrow now. I am going to a lunchtime meeting, then out for tea with my friend and her daughter and then an evening meeting! I'll be home and sober by ten.

Thankyou for sharing your experiences about friends too. Yes, not all of them will get it nor can they handle it.

Some wise words I picked up from my AA meeting today. Someone mentioned the 'allergy' part that the Doctor refers to at the start of the Big Book. I never got that lol. Im not bloody allergic to alcohol But he talked about it as an 'abnormal reaction' and that makes perfect sense to me! Yay! I do have an abnormal reaction. My friends dont go out, get tipsy, have fun and then go home and polish off a further 2 bottles of wine when they get home do they? I always did
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Old 01-14-2011, 10:06 AM
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That sounds great, Kitty.

If you dig around SR, you can find some interesting info on research into the so-called allergy. From what I recall, some people's livers process alcohol differently, producing chemicals that cause discomfort or at least a feeling of unease.

Normal people get the buzz, then it fades quietly and peacefully away. But for others—and this was certainly true for me—there's a general feeling of agitation and anxiety as soon as the buzz starts to wear off. Which can be "fixed" in a matter of minutes by... you guessed it... having another drink.

That's not what causes people to pick up the first drink -- but it would sure help to explain why some people have trouble stopping at a second, third, or tenth for that matter.
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Old 01-14-2011, 11:08 AM
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welcome. you will find lots of support and good stuff here
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Old 01-14-2011, 11:49 AM
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Welcome to the family! Never mind what your friends think or say. You know you're doing this for your own good. Don't go to the gatherings if it's too tempting. And you will make new friends in AA and other places.

I'm guessing from your name that you like cats. We have a Cat Fanciers thread going in user created social groups forum. Take a look and post pics of your cats if you have them. We love hearing from cat lovers.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ers-group.html
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Old 01-14-2011, 12:12 PM
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Welcome Kitty! Glad you are with us and you have our support.

I found early recovery to be more a quiet time in my life. I worked my support and had to take a full inventory of what I was and what I needed to change to get where I wanted to be. So I focused 100% on recovery and was outright selfish. Oh definitely, I was lonely and was confused about what life was going to be like but it was the best thing I ever could have done for myself.

Much like you and many.....I too kept my drinking mostly away from others at home, etc. Most of my social life was well my support. I came here all the time and I felt comfortable with folks who understood me and what I was going through. Over time I began to meet new sober friends and yes it was nice to go out and not have drinking be the goal of the night. I had tons of offers to go out from others but as a recovering alcoholic.....doing a girls night out with shots and bar hopping just wasn't my bag.

I love my sober life, the sober me and my sober pals here and IRL.

Remember it takes time Looking forward to the journey!
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