Totally new to this sort of thing!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 2
Totally new to this sort of thing!
Hi Readers,
So I've never done anything like this before but I guess through wanting to speak openly about my addiction and finding counselling and therapy not really suitable for me, I thought I'd come here.
I'm 34, I've been drinking since a teenager and since the age of 24, maybe earlier, I've been drinking daily. I've always been a social person, a bit of a party head but since I left Uni and got out working, I found that I've been using alcohol more and more to "cope" with things.
I moved to Dublin for my dream job and whilst it's an incredible vocation, it's very stressful (I work in animal welfare) so compassion fatigue is BIG in my work. I've been drinking more and more the last six years in particular and I'm constantly tired, lacking energy, I've become quite reclusive, I literally rush home and crack open the fridge and drink a bottle of wine and a few whiskeys or two thirds a bottle of gin....on a good day, this is everyday and has been for years. I've had a few emotional blows the last couple of years and the more I get the more I drink.
I work anything between 12 - 15 hours a day, sometimes my work means I'm working 72 hours flat with only 2 hours sleep here and there. I don't have a family or friend network and I live where I work so I am utterly socially isolated at times. Sometimes I feel I'm not, I do have a few friends here, but I choose to confide in alcohol rather than attempt to see them and I actively avoid plans as I'm so tired.
I was off work for five weeks earlier this year with stress, I've never had a sick day in my life! I was very, very depressed, suicide was a constant thought and a near reality. I had a major breakdown.
I don't think I ever really healed from it all and here I am again, hungover, tired, a gin by my side and a feeling of utter depression.
I used to be such a n outgoing, bubbly, positive person with a fantastic outlook on life. I was at one point, what I felt to be, very attractive and I felt good about myself. Not any more. I'm drawn, bloated, exhausted, I've started throwing up after meals, avoiding meals and just drinking, taking cocaine on a "works" night and in a weird way, enjoying the cramping pain in my stomach after necking neat gin.
I genuinely feel I need to stop but I really don't know how. Everytime I feel I need to stop, something major is happening in my life that I simply can't quite face yet......then....when I'm in good form and nothing bad is happening, I enjoy celebrating with a drink and some drugs. I've never used a forum for this sort of thing but I thought I'd give it a shot and just see if there's anyone out there I could strike a chord with who can share their experience or journey with me. Even just to know of other people having problems with Alcohol.
I'm successful in my work, I love my work but in Ireland Alcoholism is just very accepted so people are aware of my drinking habits but it's not really seen as that big a deal, it's almost a funny thing to most people, but it's starting to make me question a lot about what my near future looks like.
It'd be great to get any responses and I'm pretty open so do fire away with any questions.
Cheers,
So I've never done anything like this before but I guess through wanting to speak openly about my addiction and finding counselling and therapy not really suitable for me, I thought I'd come here.
I'm 34, I've been drinking since a teenager and since the age of 24, maybe earlier, I've been drinking daily. I've always been a social person, a bit of a party head but since I left Uni and got out working, I found that I've been using alcohol more and more to "cope" with things.
I moved to Dublin for my dream job and whilst it's an incredible vocation, it's very stressful (I work in animal welfare) so compassion fatigue is BIG in my work. I've been drinking more and more the last six years in particular and I'm constantly tired, lacking energy, I've become quite reclusive, I literally rush home and crack open the fridge and drink a bottle of wine and a few whiskeys or two thirds a bottle of gin....on a good day, this is everyday and has been for years. I've had a few emotional blows the last couple of years and the more I get the more I drink.
I work anything between 12 - 15 hours a day, sometimes my work means I'm working 72 hours flat with only 2 hours sleep here and there. I don't have a family or friend network and I live where I work so I am utterly socially isolated at times. Sometimes I feel I'm not, I do have a few friends here, but I choose to confide in alcohol rather than attempt to see them and I actively avoid plans as I'm so tired.
I was off work for five weeks earlier this year with stress, I've never had a sick day in my life! I was very, very depressed, suicide was a constant thought and a near reality. I had a major breakdown.
I don't think I ever really healed from it all and here I am again, hungover, tired, a gin by my side and a feeling of utter depression.
I used to be such a n outgoing, bubbly, positive person with a fantastic outlook on life. I was at one point, what I felt to be, very attractive and I felt good about myself. Not any more. I'm drawn, bloated, exhausted, I've started throwing up after meals, avoiding meals and just drinking, taking cocaine on a "works" night and in a weird way, enjoying the cramping pain in my stomach after necking neat gin.
I genuinely feel I need to stop but I really don't know how. Everytime I feel I need to stop, something major is happening in my life that I simply can't quite face yet......then....when I'm in good form and nothing bad is happening, I enjoy celebrating with a drink and some drugs. I've never used a forum for this sort of thing but I thought I'd give it a shot and just see if there's anyone out there I could strike a chord with who can share their experience or journey with me. Even just to know of other people having problems with Alcohol.
I'm successful in my work, I love my work but in Ireland Alcoholism is just very accepted so people are aware of my drinking habits but it's not really seen as that big a deal, it's almost a funny thing to most people, but it's starting to make me question a lot about what my near future looks like.
It'd be great to get any responses and I'm pretty open so do fire away with any questions.
Cheers,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 591
Welcome odnd! I am by no means an expert and have only been sober for 12 days but believe me I know what you are feeling and been down that road. You have found a great place to start and this sight and the people on it have gotten me through the first 12 days and never thought I could do that. Hang in there and you will be hearing from the troops soon enough!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 7
Hi there!
I myself just joined to post in this forum after being told by a therapist that she could not help me. I too live in an area where I have little to no friends or family, and have up until this point been rather successful at my job, and have always been perceived as a bubbly party girl. I am 27 and have been leaning on alcohol as an escape for everything in my life for about ten years. My family is primarily Irish Catholic so drinking is simply a default hobby of choice.
That said, it's been easy for me to hide my problems by being alone in a city away from my hometown. In lieu of attempting to gain healthy friendships, I escape to my apartment everyday after work, and namely after recent long workdays to just drink anything I can get my hands on. Because of my upbringing and attending college at a "party school" I've always had a skewed view and relationship with alcohol - in other words, it has taken me a while to admit that I have a problem and a dependency on alcohol. I too have been experiencing an intense sense of hopelessness to the point of considering ending it all. When I didn't think it could get any worse, it did and it was all attributable to drinking. I feel that I've recently hit rock bottom and that's the reality check I so desperately needed. I am five days sober and hope to continue down this path. Although I am in no position to offer advice at this point since I'm in the infancy of recovery, I have found that taking everything day by day and finding some way of preoccupying one's wandering mind have proven quite helpful to me. I've been forcing myself to drink tea in lieu of alcohol and have been going to bed as early as possible to help prevent any chance of slipping up. I will say, I feel clear and slightly more energized today, which in and of itself has been motivating for me. I just try to compare and think about how I'm feeling presently as opposed to a morning where I wake up, not having a clue what I did the night before, ashamed to check my phone (assuming I have it), wondering who is mad at me or coming after me, all while hunched over the porcelain bowl.
I know how it is to have no support, so just know that there are others that are in the same boat, and that I in particular can relate to much of what you described. Keep your head up and take everything day by day
I myself just joined to post in this forum after being told by a therapist that she could not help me. I too live in an area where I have little to no friends or family, and have up until this point been rather successful at my job, and have always been perceived as a bubbly party girl. I am 27 and have been leaning on alcohol as an escape for everything in my life for about ten years. My family is primarily Irish Catholic so drinking is simply a default hobby of choice.
That said, it's been easy for me to hide my problems by being alone in a city away from my hometown. In lieu of attempting to gain healthy friendships, I escape to my apartment everyday after work, and namely after recent long workdays to just drink anything I can get my hands on. Because of my upbringing and attending college at a "party school" I've always had a skewed view and relationship with alcohol - in other words, it has taken me a while to admit that I have a problem and a dependency on alcohol. I too have been experiencing an intense sense of hopelessness to the point of considering ending it all. When I didn't think it could get any worse, it did and it was all attributable to drinking. I feel that I've recently hit rock bottom and that's the reality check I so desperately needed. I am five days sober and hope to continue down this path. Although I am in no position to offer advice at this point since I'm in the infancy of recovery, I have found that taking everything day by day and finding some way of preoccupying one's wandering mind have proven quite helpful to me. I've been forcing myself to drink tea in lieu of alcohol and have been going to bed as early as possible to help prevent any chance of slipping up. I will say, I feel clear and slightly more energized today, which in and of itself has been motivating for me. I just try to compare and think about how I'm feeling presently as opposed to a morning where I wake up, not having a clue what I did the night before, ashamed to check my phone (assuming I have it), wondering who is mad at me or coming after me, all while hunched over the porcelain bowl.
I know how it is to have no support, so just know that there are others that are in the same boat, and that I in particular can relate to much of what you described. Keep your head up and take everything day by day
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Welcome and I'm glad you posted.
First, thank you for working with our animal friends.
It's good to remember that alcohol is a depressant. Your depression and your life will likely improve when alcohol is removed. It seems there is never a 'good time' to stop drinking. There will always be a reason to avoid it. But, I hope you choose sobriety.
First, thank you for working with our animal friends.
It's good to remember that alcohol is a depressant. Your depression and your life will likely improve when alcohol is removed. It seems there is never a 'good time' to stop drinking. There will always be a reason to avoid it. But, I hope you choose sobriety.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,718
Welcome to SR. You will find lots of support here. Keep reading and posting what you are going through. Many of us can relate and will be happy to respond. Stay with us. You can find some help for your recovery plan, too.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
Welcome to the family Old Dog! (I have an old dog and a new dog, so I really like your name)
I hope our support can help you get sober for good. It takes some effort and a lot of changes, but it's really worth it.
I hope our support can help you get sober for good. It takes some effort and a lot of changes, but it's really worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 2
Thank you all for such a great warm welcome. I already feel that this could be hugely beneficial. Thank you so much. I'll get back to you all soon @StumblingAlong it's great to hear from someone in a similar position to me. I've not ever blacked out however, the issue is I'm as I say "a nicer drunk than sober person" when I'm out and about, I don't get to go out and drink often, maybe once every 3-4 months, I drink alone, in my home, just me and the dog. If I'm off work the following day, I tend to drink until I'm sick or so exhausted I practically collapse into bed. I wake the next day, early still, feeling like utter crap but I do what I can to enjoy the day, only by 1 or 2pm I'm drinking again. Thanks again everyone. I'll look forward to reading more on here and getting to know more of you x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Portsmouth, England
Posts: 818
Hi Old dog.... and Welcome. 
So glad you found us.... I can honestly say SR pretty much saved my life... there is so much wisdom, love and kindness here... You are never alone...
Read.. read... and read some more... I'm only 6 weeks in.. and trust me.. if I can stop... you can. .
Come and join us on the 24 hour recovery thread .. we are all really close.. have a laugh... support each other... and there is always someone around... day or night.. if you want to chat.
You CAN do this.
A new you is just waiting to be set free .
We do it together... One day at a time.
Lots of love. xxx Pebbles. xxxx
So glad you found us.... I can honestly say SR pretty much saved my life... there is so much wisdom, love and kindness here... You are never alone...
Read.. read... and read some more... I'm only 6 weeks in.. and trust me.. if I can stop... you can. .
Come and join us on the 24 hour recovery thread .. we are all really close.. have a laugh... support each other... and there is always someone around... day or night.. if you want to chat.
You CAN do this.
A new you is just waiting to be set free .
We do it together... One day at a time.
Lots of love. xxx Pebbles. xxxx
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi and welcome OlddogNewdog
I know how hard it is to let go of the bottle when it's you're only go to tool to turn your brain off and unwind - but the hidden costs make it untenable after a while.
Once I stop drinking my thoughts got a little clearer - I thought a lot more about balance and about what my boundaries were and what the should be.
I love that you help animals but if it's ending up hurting you by you 'needing' to drink nightly then perhaps it's time to look at ways you might follow your vocation in a more healthy and life affirming way?
D
I know how hard it is to let go of the bottle when it's you're only go to tool to turn your brain off and unwind - but the hidden costs make it untenable after a while.
Once I stop drinking my thoughts got a little clearer - I thought a lot more about balance and about what my boundaries were and what the should be.
I love that you help animals but if it's ending up hurting you by you 'needing' to drink nightly then perhaps it's time to look at ways you might follow your vocation in a more healthy and life affirming way?
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
