Stayingsassy

Nothing like the man you love telling you "your drinking is ruining your own life, my life, and the kid's lives, your drinking is even causing problems in my employment and my public life, if you don't get help now I will divorce you, you will lose the house and also the kids, because I will get full custody."

Not fun at the time: but it gave me my life back.

Try returning to drinking, or even wanting to, after someone you love tells you that...

Ringo123

Tough words to hear, indeed, Sassy. I hope you take them to heart. That said, I hope you get sober for You--not for anyone else.

Others will benefit, that's for sure.

Stayingsassy

I'm free now. I know I "only" have 31 days sobriety but I dodged the biggest bullet...and I am in a sober friendly zone. I wake up every day kind of groggy and tired and I have food cravings and sometimes I zone out...but still with the biggest sense of joy and relief I have ever had.

Don't ever take your sobriety for granted. I don't care if you only have two days. That two days can be the start of the rest of your wonderful life...and if its not wonderful now it has the POTENTIAL to be without that ******** poison in your life.

Don't romanticize the drink, don't glorify the drunk: Its hell, you know it, and have gratitude for every day of sobriety you've got.

ScottFromWI

Believe it or not, people still do return to drinking after their spouses/SO's tell them that. Some people even return to drinking after a doctor tells them that they will die if they keep drinking - and they then die.

Point being...we shouldn't rely on consequences ( or potential consequences ) alone to stay sober. I think it's good that you are seeing the gravity of your actions as described by your husband and using it as positive force in your recovery. But we all need to do more than that, which you have also been doing in your 31 days here on SR - congrats on that too BTW!

Stayingsassy

Thank you. I agree with your reminder....this was a recent development and its still in my mind. I will need continued reinforcement in other ways as time goes on.

I won't always feel happy, joyous and free. There will be days I am sorely tested, and its good to remind myself of that.
Actually, just yesterday I was sidelined on the couch with foot pain and reminded of how much easier the hours would flow if I were hammered. More of a passing thought though...how much different and reflective down time is in sobriety than as a drunk. Craved jelly beans pretty badly, but settled for apples instead.

I could really go for jelly beans right now, when is halloween again? Right, ok I am tangenting, I will sign off....

Dee74

I'm really thrilled that everything worked out for you Sassy.

I was one of the dumb ones who convinced myself my loved ones ultimatum was unfair, or that they didn't really mean no drinking, just to excess, or that I'd bring her around with my inexhaustible charm...

Madness.

D

gettingsmarter

That's really great Sassy.

least

My daughter gave me an ultimatum that she would move in with her dad if I didn't stop drinking. I drank that same night.

I do best when I base my sobriety on positive things, like better health and taking better care of my dogs and cats. The scare of the ultimatum will fade after a while, so focus on the positives of staying sober.

Congrats on the first of many sober months! Keep going, it gets better.

Midwest1981

congrats on 1 month! Keep reading on here and learning as much as you can.

Jules714

Hi. Congrats.
What Scott said...and my two cents...
You have to do this for yourself, by yourself. That said? I wouldn't doubt him...he will leave. Happened to me.
Keep up the good work. Life is so much better sober.
Jules

Stayingsassy

That is the truth. I don’t want to lose him...but I also don’t want to lose me. I see his ultimatum as a really powerful kick in the backside. Powerful enough to bust me out of my own hell. When it happened, as scared as I was to possibly lose my family, I had this tiny kernel of relief deep in the lowest part of my gut, I could feel it there. I was miserable, terribly hungover and terrified, it was possibly the worst day of my life, but in a different way: also the best. I knew it was over.

Thanks everyone for reminding me not to be complacent at one month or allowing me to simplify this. It changes over time, our memories change, our goals change, we grow weary at times. I need reminders, I need the discipline offered here. I refuse to relapse, so I am listening here, listening to all of you.

notgonnastoptry

Unfortunately, for us selfish alcoholics, ultimateums and threats often make one resolute in their drinking.

Threats did nothing and I used the bottle to assuage the pain. My husband was never supportive, so maybe the fact that he used those same threats fell on deaf ears. Meanwhile, I did pretty much ruin everyone’s life including my own. My family is harsh and doesn’t forgive or forget.

But, I finally got sober and I’m working on repairing things. I’m glad his words resonated with you and I hope you stay sober. I was able to hide it well to a point, so that was part of the prob (they just thought I was horrible and didn’t now the extent. When they did, they were not supportive)

Stayingsassy

I think that over the months that I was going on repeated benders, I was just waiting for my moment. The way I was drinking was frightening. Not just to family but to me. I was miserable. I was really just standing in the doorway wishing things would change when he booted me through the door. If I hadn’t been where I was...the drink til pass out, wake up, pass out, wake up.....go to work, stay sober for three days then repeat....I might have kept drinking. But I was killing my self and I knew it.

I’m sorry you lost the trust of your family. I’m glad you got sober because even if those bridges are burned, you can now make new ones and move forward with peace in yourself. It’s hard for non alcoholics to understand the grip we are in, it’s as if we are underwater and we can see the surface but can’t figure out how to swim up there...I wish they knew that it’s dark and terrible for us, too. We are blamed very harshly and I know why. I know how selfish the disease is but yet....they don’t get how trapped we believe we are when under it’s spell.

Delilah1

First, congrats on 31 days. You are through that first month, and that is quite an accomplishment .

I'm glad the ultimatum helped you to quit, but make sure you are recognizing why doing this for you is such a good thing. It benefits your physical and emotional health, and being sober definitely makes you a better mom, wife, and worker..

This is a great site, hope you continue to post on here!

Forward12

Outstanding advice and I hope you stick to it. You have everything to gain by keeping sober, and everything to lose if you choose to be stupid. Please make the right decision.

Gottalife

This is great news. It is talked about on the big book, that there is a certain type of serious drinker who, given sufficient reason, can stop or moderate. And you have responded by stopping. I mean it is probably the best reason one could have for stopping drinking.

My response when given a similar ultimatum, “see ya!” No amount of persuasion or threat worked on me. I wish it had, because I knew they were right, but I just couldn’t stop. I mean I could stop, I couldn’t stay stopped.

FreeOwl

and yet so many of us have..... so many people DO..... return to drinking and drugs and addictive destruction despite such ultimatums.

I'm glad that for you, the ultimatum was / is a turning point. Commit to that with all you've got and CHOOSE sobriety, taking ACTION to support that choice every day..... and it will be the turning point of a lifetime that leads you into a life of gratitude and joy and presence and abundance and freedom.

Thanks for sharing.