boyml27

Hi, I'm new here. Finding this helped me get sober for the first time in twenty years and I'm feeling pretty good. Until.... I just found out my only friend, my only confidant, at times my backbone, has been talking to others about my deepest, most life changing event. I've told no one else besides my husband. I've never felt so betrayed. I have no coping mechanism without alcohol. I almost feel tested. I can't even confront her, because I'm afraid she'll say something that will push me over the edge. Any advice?

Chilledice

Stay calm and breathe, push your friend out of your mind for now, maybe a hot bath will help? Some chocolate? anything but booze!

If you drink because of this you could worsen the situation by saying things whilst under the influence etc. Problems are a part of life and you MUST learn how to tackle them without alcohol!

Do you have a support system at all?

courage2

Don't get sucked into this emotional trap. File it away for a time when you're ready. Focus on your sobriety. Early recovery is plenty without trying to process big emotions.

Maybe this is the perfect opportunity to start a God Box -- see this link:
God Box. --

columbus

Love and release.
Love and release.

(repeat)

Breathe.

Let it go.

Love and release....

D122y

Boy,

I wanted to keep my quitting low profile as well. But, for some reason, everyone close to me blabbed it up.

It was so annoying.

My wife, work mate, family....blah blah.

Honestly, the reason i wanted to keep it private was in case i relapsed.

So, whatever.

This is the only place, for the most part, that loved on me unconditionally through my return from the depths of my physical and mental addiction.

Definitely, physically clean. Mentally, still getting better.

Addict for life.

Thanks.

Anna

Lots of good advice here. Stay calm and focused. Maybe step away from this friend for awhile, until you feel stronger.

boyml27

You are all so helpful. Thank you! I love the God Box.... I am going to focus on that for now.

DontRemember

My exgf once yelled, out in a bar, "you're an alcoholic" during a drunken scene on her part..Talk about audacity! I'm stone sober and getting blasted by a blacked out chick in public that "loved me"..yeah.. I got up and left her drunk ass there.

boyml27

That's the thing...I know I've done things that need to be called out on in my drunken life, but when I am working on changing my life... I thought I would have her support.

DontRemember

I did too...but resentments run deep and take time and work(actions,not words) to try and repair. In my case I'm a 'double winner'..codie/alchy.. Trust me.. make mental note of those 'friends' that do not support your sobriety..they are not friends. Also.. a lot of them have their own battles they're fighting and by throwing you in the line of fire helps them momentarily. Shlt comes back to them,but that's not our problem. We are looking out for us.

teatreeoil007

Maybe she's afraid of this big change in your life? It's possible. Maybe she is afraid you will change so much you won't be the same person much at all. I don't know the context of how you became friends. Does she know a completely sober you? Or has she only known you, as the person who drinks? At any rate.....I can surely understand this is a big test. Don't let it interfere with your newfound sobriety. I think you'll find out there are people who get it and support you and are discreet and there are people who don't get it and may also end up betraying you.

SimplyFree

All I know is something will happen in life that I would like to medicate with wine. BUT, I refuse to give anyone or any circumstance the power to give me permission to drink. There is zero permission, because drinking is me choosing to hurt myself and I'm not going to do that again.

FreeOwl

That's a lousy experience and a truly painful feeling.

Also a fantastic opportunity to recognize that life will hand you these awful feelings and situations - but you don't have to respond by harming yourself.

Journal it out.

Shout at a tree.

Go for a run
Workout
A hike

Cherish your sobriety and keep at it

bunnezjp

Let it go. Let her go, too. Silence will be loud enough for her to hear.

~Bunnez

AAPJ

Those of us who have been drunk for 20 years often do not have the best of friends.

So little information here. Is your friend a fellow drinker who is afraid of your recovery? Do you think her disclosure of your situation was done to purposely harm you? Do you have a list of better friends to call on?

Susiesmiles

Same exact thing happened to me. I also relate to your other thread about your husband annoying you. We can get through this. The best revenge is a happier, stronger, more confident, sober you. Ignore the friend and be patient towards the husband.
-Susan

boyml27

I'm sorry I didn't give much information when I originally posted this. I was on my knees in sorrow and bewilderment. You are right, it's hard to look back after drinking every day for half your life and see any friends left. She was my drinking friend, so I guess I shouldn't have been shocked she would not be who I needed when I stopped. I realize she was drinking when she betrayed my confidence. I've been there, so, I decided to forgive her. It's not the same, mostly because we no longer commiserate over drinking and laugh over our "mishaps." Anyway, I appreciate you guys and it gives me hope for my future. I'm still on my knees, but now it's in prayer: In gratitude and pleas for help going forward.

DontRemember

Yes... Even with my exAgf I just got to the point of surrender and walked away. Nothing I/we can change about other people's words/actions. Pointless to even try to rationalize it/them. 100% not something a drink(20) could ever solve.