Hello, I'm new to this site but have been reading posts for comfort, as I am having a very difficult time dealing with my sons Heroin addiction. I'm feeling so many emotions and having such emotional anguish and pain right now I might have some trouble putting into words what I would like to say but am hoping someone may be able to help. My life feels like a nightmare. My son causes so much stress in the house some days I don't want to come out of my room just because I dread another day of dealing with him. He bothers me for money. Yells, complains, leaves dishes all over, cooks, makes a mess, and mostly blames everything and everyone for the problems he has. He has needles hidden in his room and sometimes I find them in weird places around the house. There has been times he has got my banking info and stole money from me. He has brought people in my house I don't want around. He is constantly using then detoxing when he has no money. He is irrational and I fear he will never get it. Everything that comes out of his mouth is an excuse and I believe he believes his own excuses. I have had to perform CPR on him 3 times for OD and the fear I felt was near unbearable. He has been in rehab more than 10 times and I doubt if he really wanted to be there. There is so much more to this hell I am living with him but for whatever reason I can't seem to put him out. I have done it in the past but I end up letting him come back home after all types of promises. But he never stays clean. I worry about him and love him so much but I am not really living. I'm existing and not in a good way. Living with him and his addiction is terrifying at times and so depressing and sad. I just pray for the day when I can't take it anymore and I say enough is enough, but unfortunately I never get to that point, even though I want to. Within the last 8 months he started injecting rock cocaine along with the heroin. This makes him frantically pick at his face and body even though there are no blemishes. 5 days ago he picked himself bloody and it was sooo horrible to see I wanted to scream. I end up calling the police and an ambulance and had him committed to a psych hospital but they only kept him 5 days. Now he is home and all I can do is stress about what is to come? I just can't take it anymore. I want my life and happiness back but I feel I will never get it. I need to detach but it is so terribly hard.