Hope41

Hi I'm new to this. I am an alcoholic and having a terrible time trying to stay sober. I feel completely alone in my struggle. I hate who I am when I drink, I act crazy and now my family and friends don't want to have anything to do with me. I was sober for 7 months, my ex boyfriend and I broke up. He is in jail now and he is a crack addict. I relapsed in July because I was having trouble dealing with the pain of the above issues. I have been drinking almost every day since July 10th. I'm so mad at myself, I'm disappointed in myself. Any advice how to remain sober during difficult times?

Silverback4

Hi Hope, sorry to hear of the time you have been having.
Are you still drinking now or have you stopped?

Stopping drinking and staying stopped will all be helped by having a recovery plan and being able to recognise your triggers and having tools at your disposal to combat those urges.
Lots of information on here on plans and wellbeing toolboxes etc and a lot of great people with far more experience than me.

Just wanted to say hello and show you some support. Really great place here so you are not alone.

Hope41

Thank you! I drank last night and I feel horrible psychically and mentally. My anxiety is out of control. I've started to work with a therapist but I'm not following through with her recommendations such as attending aa. Aa scares the living crap out of me for some reason. This acholic brain of my......drives me nuts! I know what I need to do to stay sober but for some reasons I continue to make the wrong choices....picking up a drink. Ugh

ChloeRose63

Did you ever consider a rehab? It was the best place for me when I just couldn't make any positive changes on my own. It got me back on track and sobered me up safely.

Hope41

i have been in rehab twice. I know what I need to do but can't bring myself to do it. My anxiety is so high I drink to calm down....which only makes things worse the next day. I know I need to be in aa......but the anxiety of being around a bunch of strangers terrifies me. Has anyone had trouble going to meetings because of anxiety/social anxiety?

Linners820

I'm exactly where you are, struggling with this. Knowing all the reasons why you can't continue this way, making it a few days and then getting the brilliant idea to drink again.

I also have bad anxiety, and the mental and emotional distress from hangovers should be enough to make me realize I just have to stop. Drinking has done much more damage to my mental health than it's helped me, that is clear.

For some reason the thought of going to AA scares me also.

mielz

Hi, you are here today so u are one step closer.
I agree with having a plan . U gotta get a plan in action if it’s a recovery group or a sponsor . Whatever will work for you get it into action and start too work it. U hold urself accountable and know that you are not alone and that you CAN kick this with determination and hard work.
Step one is admitting it with every bit of honesty and then moving forward.

There is so much hope for recovery for you.

Soberwolf

Having a structured plan really helps with recovery

What really counts is not giving up on yourself ever .. So if at first you don't succeed try, try & try again

Silverback4

Hope I am only 3 weeks sober myself and AA scared the crap out of me as well...I threatened to go, promised others I would go and read all of the literature and books around AA which I realise now was a subconscious delay tactic from actually just going to a blooming meeting!

I attended my first meeting on Friday there and my fear was totally unwarranted and all in my head. The meeting was great as was all of the people. I am not saying it is all things to all men but my point is there is nothing to fear.

If you split your head open or broke your arm you would got to hospital in a heartbeat. Alcoholism is a whole lot more serious than a broken arm yet we resist to go to the place that COULD help us heal.

When I arrived I parked my car and as I went into my boot to get my jacket an older man parked behind me and said hello.
I followed him through the gates to the church hall where the meeting was being held and he noticed this and turned back to me and said “are you going in here”
“Yes I said, to the church hall”
He promptly and warmly introduced himself and grabbed my hand for a shake.
He said “I thought you were an electrician or something coming in here to fix something”
We both laughed at that and the irony since we were both there to fix ourselves.

Sorry for banging on but the reason I tell you this is because the fear, panic and apprehension I had was diluted to almost nothing just by a split second interaction with another person with a broken arm.

Staying sober was more important to me than my fear of going if you know what I mean so I put that first.

Wishing you well

Dee74

Hi Hioe

I was terrified to feel pain or strong emotion - but drinking over pain never really helped me. Sooner rather than later the pain always came back.

What I've found being sober is that reality hurts less and for a lot less time that the pain I feared.

Its still a little scary but I found support really helps - why not become a regular poster here?
Having a good plan is really helpful too - there are some good ideas here

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...roduction.html (Introduction)

D