Whatsdoneisdone

I’d like to thank all of you for everything you’ve replied with on this thread. I don’t have many people to talk to about these things and when I came on this website I didn’t expect to find so many intelligent, well spoken individuals who genuinely care about seeing someone succeed in their recovery. I’ve decided to try being sober again, I drank again with some friends last night and this morning I just felt awful. Aside from something to do while we passed the time, the alcohol afforded me and my friends nothing. Nothing but a headache the next morning. There’s no allure to this anymore. Id rather spend my days reading, making music, and focusing on my art. I need to go and get another job but I’m just waiting until I get this court date out the way next month. No sense in getting a job and then being immediately fired right after because I missed work to go to court or had to spend a week in a cell. So yeah, I’ve found a great deal of solace in the replies on this thread and I appreciate it guys and girls. I’ll try to find time to post on here as regularly as I can in the future. I feel much more mature. I feel less hopeless and more optimistic about the future. If I work really hard and kick my bad habits I can make up for all this wasted money and wasted time. I just want to be good. Just a good guy with a good heart who doesn’t do bad things like getting DUIs and hurting people. Myself is my real enemy. The alcohol was a tool I used to cover the real problem which is my own mind, my own lack of love for myself and for the blessing of life. Things will change now....one step at a time.

Dee74

Have you got any ideas on a plan?

D

Whatsdoneisdone

Well as of now I have no money and I have car. I know when I go to court they’re going to slap me with a huge fine and a bunch of community service. I’m going to try and opt for jail time if I can. I’ve heard that around here there are so many people in jail that sitting in a cell for a crime is looked at as a privilege rather than a punishment....what a world we live in. Anyways my plan is take whatever punishment they’ve polished and lubed up for me and then to get a job that’s close that I can either take the bus or ride a bike or walk to. Then I’m going to save my money, every penny. Regardless of what I want, all of my vices are too expensive for me now. When I have enough money saved I plan to get a cheap car and go back to community college. With a part time and money I get from financial aid I should be looking pretty good by then, I’ll be where I was before all this crap happened that ruined my world, except for the dui classes I’ll have to take for over a year. I just plan to chip away the debt one bit at a time.

DontRemember

I wouldn't opt for jail time.. I'd offer to "work off my fine in a community service type capacity." Jail sucks!! I'd rather spend a few weekends picking up trash or something.....Just saying. I have some friends who opted for the "stay&pay"...hard pass from me! I enjoy freedom too much and know how 'stuff' can snowball inside..

Whatsdoneisdone

Agreed, I’d much rather do work release, and I’ll probably have the option to do so. But not only does that cost money that I don’t have, it takes transportation. The last time this happened I did work release but were it not for my mother I would have never been able to make it there every weekend. I don’t have that luxury this time around, and they don’t let you choose somewhere close for convenience, you have to go where they put you. So sadly I don’t see very many options besides jail. I have nothing but some clothes and a tooth brush. Just have to take what’s coming I guess. Then pick up the pieces after.

DontRemember

When I was in court for mine the lady that went before me was given 'Courthouse janitorial work @$11/hr towards her fines'..Then when I had my community service, there were people there picking up trash for $10/hr towards theirs. I got LUCKY and became 'friends' with the community service guy and basically rode around in a golf cart for 6hrs and he'd sign off for 10hrs..I only had to do 24hrs..but, I also had the cash for my fines and such. I still golf with the community service guy from time to time.

Edit: but..yeah..if you're 'on your own' and public transportation isn't available..jail may be best. Just keep to yourself and don't play cards,dominoes,ect..read some books instead. Trust me.

jhonnyspa

Your life is certainly not over yet! but it will be if you keep drinking things can only get worse. My Convictions from alcohol two DUI, no insurance and no license. Three being drunk in public, abusive and threatening behavior and assualt, Drug possession with intent to supply.I did not go to jail for any of these offences but I live in Ireland, but what I did do was go back to university and get a degree in law and diploma in Forensic Psychology and criminology and the law society gave me a chance and will let me practice as a lawyer when I pass my last 8 exams.Anything is possible, do everything you can to prove to the judge that you are willing to change get letters from university lectures, Councilers, psychologists, priests, and AA organizers, Charity work if you want to change and get a second chance you have to prove it to yourself and the judge.Remember a judge is a human and not a robot he has empathy and compassion If you convince him that you had a lapse of judgment and will go to any lengths to right this wrong,I am confident you will get a chance to get back your life.Good luck my sober friend

Michellewilkes

Bless your heart.

Don’t ever give up. I have been dealing with my 23 yr old sons drug addiction for 7 years now; and I tell him everyday to never give up. Just got him out of jail today; after leaving him in there for a week. Only got him out to drive him to the airport to go back to treatment. He has managed to receive 4 misdemeanors and 2 felonies in three months. He has burned all his “bridges”; practically everyone in his life has turned there back on him; I can not. My son is still in there somewhere; and he can salvage what is left of his life; but he can’t give up. Sometimes it takes really screwing up to make an addict ( of alcohol or drugs) to wake up. He has a long road, and a lot of legal issues to figure out, but he can’t give up. It can all be worked out. Your problems can all be worked out. Easy? Of course not. But that is how you grow. You have a purpose on this earth! You were created for greatness! And during your struggle you will be an inspiration to someone else ( maybe without even knowing it) by NOT giving up and doing what you HAVE to do to get your life back. Hold your head up!! Everyone makes mistakes. Usually the greater the mistake has a even higher purpose; there is SOMETHING that will come out of this...for your good.

Whatsdoneisdone

I can identify with what your son is going through to some degree, I have burnt all my bridges as well. All my friendships, I’ve realized, are based on alcohol and drugs. I’ve been spending a lot of time by myself and I find when I leave to associate with these people I come back home feeling like I never should have left. All of my family, except for my mom, looks at me like I’m some sort of lost cause. I’ve never even done anything that bad. I’ve never stolen or hurt anyone. It sucks when the people who are supposed to love you regardless of what happens turn their backs on you for doing virtually nothing. All of my problems are obviously my own, I’m just depressed. I have mental issues. Instead of trying to help me they all just like to remind me of how much of a **** up I am. When really I’m not. If it were up to them I’d completely hate myself and they would relish in that. I’m not sure why they treat me like this but...I’ve come to realize that it’s not my fault. I’ve made mistakes, yes. And I’m learning from them and I’m gonna continue to learn and do my best to succeed regardless of their bitterness towards me.
I’m not placing judgements but I’ve never even had a felony. Hell, I’ve never even been to jail. And everyone in my family, except mom, is convinced I’m worthless. It’s so unfair and saddening to grow up and realize how much these people suck. These people who acted like I was the next president when I was a boy.
Anyways, thank you for your encouragement. No one ever tells me things like that, except myself. I know I can turn it around, I know it in my heart...it just hurts so bad that they don’t believe in me. They act like I’ve ruined everything. I’m only 26. I have no kids, no felonies. Why would they abandon me so readily? So easily?...they don’t love me. It sucks but it’s true. I have to love myself. I have to tell MYSELF that I can do it. Thank you very much, your words have made me feel better.

Whatsdoneisdone

Thank you for your advice and encouragement, it means so much. I’m really not a bad person. Like, really. I know there are people who view drunk drivers as mindless sadists bent on drinking the blood of Christian infants but really I’m an honest and good hearted man. I messed up and it looks like there are some people who are devoted to not letting me forget about it, but that’s ok. In fact, as much as this is a huge loss for me, I feel like the insight and maturity I’ve gained as a result will be invaluable to me for the rest of my life.

JudicatorPanzer

I got my second DUI here in Colorado Oct 2016. Your life is not over. Not if you quit drinking. I blew a .37. I could have killed someone or myself and am grateful almost every day that I didn't. You didn't hurt anyone or yourself. This too shall pass.

topspin

This ^^^ is so , so true . At some point ,...all this will be a distant memory, ...and living a full meaningful life going forward is truly "invaluable "

Whatsdoneisdone

Well.... a great deal of time has passed.
not sure if anyone will ever read this.
my life has been turned upside down multiple times since last time I posted here.
im 28 now. I didn’t stop drinking, not even close. Those of you who called it, good eye. I didn’t get another DUI, in fact I still don’t have a car....
lol I feel so pathetic about that.
but I haven’t been in trouble with the law since. That’s probably the only positive thing about my life now.
Im going to be point blank honest about things now since I am completely done ignoring the truth and I don’t expect anyone to read this....
Loneliness and a lack of love for myself caused all of this.
I have multiple addictions besides alcohol that I never realized were plaguing me. I watch too much porn, I smoke too much weed and I listen to too much music that glorifies death, dismay, darkness and derangement. The worst part though is that it is now a part of me.
Im so incredibly alone in this world. It ******* hurts. I’m a good looking, smart and charming young man...but inside I’m an insidious monster. And that “young” part is quickly fading. All Of my relationships with the opposite sex have ended badly because of my self induced obscurity. I feed off of indulgence and I fantasize about disgusting, immoral acts.
Im sick in the head. I spent many hours studying Buddhism, Christianity, and other bits and pieces of various ideologies hoping to find something consistent enough to keep me pure. But I always give in to the monster in that wants nothing more than to indulge itself in voracious, lustful, and gluttonous acts.
I am jealous of those around me. I am starving for affection. I frequently spend all of my money on whores in an attempt to fill a hole inside of me that begs for love and acceptance. People around me tell me how good of a person I am and in my own heart I know I’m good...but there’s another part of me that is so powerful. It’s so evil and so strong. It makes me cling to my pain by telling me it makes me stronger. It tells me the world doesn’t give a **** about me so I have no choice but to not give a **** about it. I haven’t had a girlfriend in so long that it shames me to no end. There’s nothing physically wrong with me, I’m just a deviant. Alcohol was never the root of my issues, my own personality and my constant unanswered longing to be understood and loved by not only others but by myself was.
no God can cure me. I know that religion won’t work for me now. I tried. I just need to stop everything. All of it. The weed, the porn, the mental abuse. As long as addiction is allowed to have its way with me I will never know peace. No amount of women, drinks, or bowls will make me happy. I need love. Real, unconditional love. It’s all I want. I just want to be someone’s someone. I’m baffled how everyone around me has found theirs and I have never found mine. I’m probably going to die alone and that scares the **** out of me. Makes me want to use...everything.
I have nothing more to say. I wish I could break away from addiction and envelop myself in love and acceptance but the world around me is on such short supply of that. There’s no escape from this ******* torment.

Dee74

You could do worse than start posting here regularly whatsdoneisdone.

I found support really helped - these people didn't have to help me, but they did and I found that amazing - I still do.

I'd pushed everyone away when I quit so SR was all I had - but the community here helped me turn things around.

There's no reason why you couldn't find the same help here

D

Bathbomb

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. For what it's worth my cousin met the love of his life at 45 she's a bit younger than him and they're due to have their first child next month. Never say never. Just by being here and talking about it is a big step forward. Have you tried therapy a trained professional will be able to offer you some advice and guidance. Take care.

Whatsdoneisdone

Whatsdoneisdone

Dee74

I'm not a smoke blower

I was really laid low when I found SR. I thought I was gonna die in a day or two.

Its a dead set miracle to me that I survived and that I found help here.

D

Whatsdoneisdone

Dee74

Vent away.

I think you're really undercutting the value of this site if that's all you do here, but it's your dime, man

D