2nd DUI in California. I feel like my life is over.
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 967
If you have no money, can’t you hire a public defender for free? If so, I agree with you - I wouldn’t spend a lot of money on an attorney. I hope you are able to never drink again, but if you do, have you thought about opening up an Uber account?
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I have a friend in California that had a lawyer get her DUI reduced to a wet reckless.
Another friend has gotten at least 4, and got out of all of them with a good lawyer. But expensive. And yes, he should not be driving.
In California, you'll also have mandatory AA, and possibly rehab.
I never got a DUI, although I should have gotten a number of them. God sometimes smiles on fools. The only time I was pulled over, given a field sobriety test and then breathalized I was WAY under the limit. Another reason to stay sober...I don't want to get one.
Another friend has gotten at least 4, and got out of all of them with a good lawyer. But expensive. And yes, he should not be driving.
In California, you'll also have mandatory AA, and possibly rehab.
I never got a DUI, although I should have gotten a number of them. God sometimes smiles on fools. The only time I was pulled over, given a field sobriety test and then breathalized I was WAY under the limit. Another reason to stay sober...I don't want to get one.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 403
Originally Posted by D122y 
What,
Some great advise from folks that want to help you.
You have altered your trajectory w your drinking. Definitely, bad luck as well.
I drank and drove 1000 times and didn't get caught. It helps when you live in a huge city where cops are actually busy fighting crime vs cherry picking drunks.
Stay healthy, you will need your energy to get through this. Get a great, great, great lawyer. One that you will owe money to for a long time after he gets your charges reduced.
Then, stay clean, work your tail off. If you still must drink, get out of those little towns and move to a place like Las Vegas where you pretty much have to crash your car drunk to get in trouble.
It is tough to quit drinking at such a young age. The mental and physical damage both have yet to manifest into a huge issue. That is what you have to look forward to...if you decide to keep drinking.
Thanks.
Some great advise from folks that want to help you.
You have altered your trajectory w your drinking. Definitely, bad luck as well.
I drank and drove 1000 times and didn't get caught. It helps when you live in a huge city where cops are actually busy fighting crime vs cherry picking drunks.
Stay healthy, you will need your energy to get through this. Get a great, great, great lawyer. One that you will owe money to for a long time after he gets your charges reduced.
Then, stay clean, work your tail off. If you still must drink, get out of those little towns and move to a place like Las Vegas where you pretty much have to crash your car drunk to get in trouble.
It is tough to quit drinking at such a young age. The mental and physical damage both have yet to manifest into a huge issue. That is what you have to look forward to...if you decide to keep drinking.
Thanks.
Just today, some friends were chronicling their night out. even normies drink and drive around where I live. again, it's a thing with urban vs. rural.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by hellrzr
"I know many of you probably assume that because this is my 2nd DUI I must have a problem with alcohol, and you're right, I do. But I don't need it. I can drop it and never pick it back up, it has single handedly destroyed my life. I hate it for that. I will never allow myself back into it's clutches knowing what I know now, being this broken and depressed and anxious is not worth anything. All the relationships I've ruined, all the embarrassing blackouts, losing my car and my home....I know in my heart that I'm done with it. I only wish my resolve was this strong before I got pulled over."
You have 2 OWIs in a year and a half.... you have a real problem. You've lost everything and yet you continued to drink yourself into a second OWI.... you have a real problem. Sounds like you are already telling yourself that you can handle drinking but you will simply choose not to drink. I'm sure you said that after your first OWI. You really need to get into a program to change your life. Just saying you are stopping isn't enough. That will only last a short time and you'll be off and running again. You have to take action. I think getting to an AA meeting and starting work with a sponsor would greatly improve your life and help assure you can indeed have a future without alcohol.
You have 2 OWIs in a year and a half.... you have a real problem. You've lost everything and yet you continued to drink yourself into a second OWI.... you have a real problem. Sounds like you are already telling yourself that you can handle drinking but you will simply choose not to drink. I'm sure you said that after your first OWI. You really need to get into a program to change your life. Just saying you are stopping isn't enough. That will only last a short time and you'll be off and running again. You have to take action. I think getting to an AA meeting and starting work with a sponsor would greatly improve your life and help assure you can indeed have a future without alcohol.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
good morning whatsdoneis done.
hellrzr i dont think was criticizing you or trying to " remind me what an idiot I am."
in fact, im certain hellrzr, like the rest of us, dont think youre an idiot. i think youre the only one here kikin your own arse and callin yourself that.
and youre not an idiot.
i think where some of the comments here come from is because your replies, until now, havent mentioned actions much other than not drinking and praying to God, which im glad to read them both, however
for many of us thats not enough.
i think many of us can relate to how youre feeling about yourself- not too many people ended up here or in AA feeling real good about ourselves.
and many of us had been in a bind and swore off alcohol for good- and ended up drinking again after the heat was off- quite a few with the thought,'i can handle it this time. ill control it."
but we took a drink then the drink took us.
the main thing in common with many of us:
we didnt do anything more than put down the drink - didnt change anything else. didnt look at causes and conditions alcohol was just a symptom of.
God WILL be there with you through this and WILL give you the courage to do the footwork.
faith without works is dead
what im reading in your last reply is surrender- thats a darn good thing.
in order to win the battle, i had to surrender.
hellrzr i dont think was criticizing you or trying to " remind me what an idiot I am."
in fact, im certain hellrzr, like the rest of us, dont think youre an idiot. i think youre the only one here kikin your own arse and callin yourself that.
and youre not an idiot.
i think where some of the comments here come from is because your replies, until now, havent mentioned actions much other than not drinking and praying to God, which im glad to read them both, however
for many of us thats not enough.
i think many of us can relate to how youre feeling about yourself- not too many people ended up here or in AA feeling real good about ourselves.
and many of us had been in a bind and swore off alcohol for good- and ended up drinking again after the heat was off- quite a few with the thought,'i can handle it this time. ill control it."
but we took a drink then the drink took us.
the main thing in common with many of us:
we didnt do anything more than put down the drink - didnt change anything else. didnt look at causes and conditions alcohol was just a symptom of.
God WILL be there with you through this and WILL give you the courage to do the footwork.
faith without works is dead
what im reading in your last reply is surrender- thats a darn good thing.
in order to win the battle, i had to surrender.
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A Reminder - Our Mandate
The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. (Support and experience only please.)
Also, please know that the legal advice offered is just personal opinion.
The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. (Support and experience only please.)
Also, please know that the legal advice offered is just personal opinion.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by tomsteve
good morning whatsdoneis done.
hellrzr i dont think was criticizing you or trying to " remind me what an idiot I am."
in fact, im certain hellrzr, like the rest of us, dont think youre an idiot. i think youre the only one here kikin your own arse and callin yourself that.
and youre not an idiot.
i think where some of the comments here come from is because your replies, until now, havent mentioned actions much other than not drinking and praying to God, which im glad to read them both, however
for many of us thats not enough.
i think many of us can relate to how youre feeling about yourself- not too many people ended up here or in AA feeling real good about ourselves.
and many of us had been in a bind and swore off alcohol for good- and ended up drinking again after the heat was off- quite a few with the thought,'i can handle it this time. ill control it."
but we took a drink then the drink took us.
the main thing in common with many of us:
we didnt do anything more than put down the drink - didnt change anything else. didnt look at causes and conditions alcohol was just a symptom of.
God WILL be there with you through this and WILL give you the courage to do the footwork.
faith without works is dead
what im reading in your last reply is surrender- thats a darn good thing.
in order to win the battle, i had to surrender.
hellrzr i dont think was criticizing you or trying to " remind me what an idiot I am."
in fact, im certain hellrzr, like the rest of us, dont think youre an idiot. i think youre the only one here kikin your own arse and callin yourself that.
and youre not an idiot.
i think where some of the comments here come from is because your replies, until now, havent mentioned actions much other than not drinking and praying to God, which im glad to read them both, however
for many of us thats not enough.
i think many of us can relate to how youre feeling about yourself- not too many people ended up here or in AA feeling real good about ourselves.
and many of us had been in a bind and swore off alcohol for good- and ended up drinking again after the heat was off- quite a few with the thought,'i can handle it this time. ill control it."
but we took a drink then the drink took us.
the main thing in common with many of us:
we didnt do anything more than put down the drink - didnt change anything else. didnt look at causes and conditions alcohol was just a symptom of.
God WILL be there with you through this and WILL give you the courage to do the footwork.
faith without works is dead
what im reading in your last reply is surrender- thats a darn good thing.
in order to win the battle, i had to surrender.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Whatsdoneisdone
I'm not sure what else I'm to do to prove I've turned over a new leaf. I could have gave up on school after this, I haven't. I could have drank again after this, I haven't. I could have brushed it off without care saying that "oh well it happened", but I'm remorseful and I'm turning to God in hopes of a positive change. I'm going to attend AA as much as I can in the coming weeks. I'm going to make a huge change in my life, I have to. I want to more than anything. I'm unsure what more I can do.
thats all i was saying. it read until your last post that you were just going to pray and not drink.
huge changes are necessary and im glad to read( as im sure we all are) that youre going to get into action.
the day after my last drunk- another rip snortin blakout- my( by then ex- i just handt been informed yet) told me some of what i had done and said- through tears- then tossed me to the curb.
i was devestated. i couldnt have hated myself more then at that moment. the main reason was because i was finally out of denial- i admitted alcohol and me were the common denominators in all of my problems. i started thinking of solutions. every solution was one i tried before and those ended back to the bottle.
i narrowed my choices down to suicide or AA.
i walked into my 1st AA meeting ready( i had been to AA before but wasnt ready) for help. there only 2 things i remeber from that meeting:
- the chairperson had remebered me from when i was there before. he smiled and sai,"hey! im glad ya made it back!"
- the only thing i could say when i was my turn was,"im tom im an alcoholic and i cant take it any more."
i didnt have to say anything else- many of those people had already been in my shoes and knew exactly how i felt.
and they helped me learn how to live sober.
and how to toss out the ass kikin machine.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 295
Whatsdoneisdone,
I can understand not wanting to hire a lawyer under your circumstances. A public defender is someone you can get for free from the court. I waited a long time to contact the one available to me after my DUI but I shouldn't have. He had some great advice that really helped me when my trial came around.
I don't think AA is necessary to sober up and I don't follow the program, but have found the meetings to be extremely helpful. There will most likely be people who will give you a ride if you really need one, as well, since you're in a really tough spot right now with no personal transportation. My old sponsor had a DUI experience similar to mine and was able to answer a whole lot of questions I had.
It will probably feel like the end of the world sometimes but I promise it isn't. I fell into a major depression after mine, shut myself up in my room and ate junk food because I didn't have energy to cook, abandoned friends and family. It was really unhealthy for a while.
That was a year and a half ago and I hardly think about it anymore. I've heard some pretty horrible stories over the years from people who are sobered up now, people who have more than two DUIs and did some real prison time, but they're living full and happy lives now.
I can understand not wanting to hire a lawyer under your circumstances. A public defender is someone you can get for free from the court. I waited a long time to contact the one available to me after my DUI but I shouldn't have. He had some great advice that really helped me when my trial came around.
I don't think AA is necessary to sober up and I don't follow the program, but have found the meetings to be extremely helpful. There will most likely be people who will give you a ride if you really need one, as well, since you're in a really tough spot right now with no personal transportation. My old sponsor had a DUI experience similar to mine and was able to answer a whole lot of questions I had.
It will probably feel like the end of the world sometimes but I promise it isn't. I fell into a major depression after mine, shut myself up in my room and ate junk food because I didn't have energy to cook, abandoned friends and family. It was really unhealthy for a while.
That was a year and a half ago and I hardly think about it anymore. I've heard some pretty horrible stories over the years from people who are sobered up now, people who have more than two DUIs and did some real prison time, but they're living full and happy lives now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by red3215
Whatsdoneisdone,
I can understand not wanting to hire a lawyer under your circumstances. A public defender is someone you can get for free from the court. I waited a long time to contact the one available to me after my DUI but I shouldn't have. He had some great advice that really helped me when my trial came around.
I don't think AA is necessary to sober up and I don't follow the program, but have found the meetings to be extremely helpful. There will most likely be people who will give you a ride if you really need one, as well, since you're in a really tough spot right now with no personal transportation. My old sponsor had a DUI experience similar to mine and was able to answer a whole lot of questions I had.
It will probably feel like the end of the world sometimes but I promise it isn't. I fell into a major depression after mine, shut myself up in my room and ate junk food because I didn't have energy to cook, abandoned friends and family. It was really unhealthy for a while.
That was a year and a half ago and I hardly think about it anymore. I've heard some pretty horrible stories over the years from people who are sobered up now, people who have more than two DUIs and did some real prison time, but they're living full and happy lives now.
I can understand not wanting to hire a lawyer under your circumstances. A public defender is someone you can get for free from the court. I waited a long time to contact the one available to me after my DUI but I shouldn't have. He had some great advice that really helped me when my trial came around.
I don't think AA is necessary to sober up and I don't follow the program, but have found the meetings to be extremely helpful. There will most likely be people who will give you a ride if you really need one, as well, since you're in a really tough spot right now with no personal transportation. My old sponsor had a DUI experience similar to mine and was able to answer a whole lot of questions I had.
It will probably feel like the end of the world sometimes but I promise it isn't. I fell into a major depression after mine, shut myself up in my room and ate junk food because I didn't have energy to cook, abandoned friends and family. It was really unhealthy for a while.
That was a year and a half ago and I hardly think about it anymore. I've heard some pretty horrible stories over the years from people who are sobered up now, people who have more than two DUIs and did some real prison time, but they're living full and happy lives now.
The only reason I don't want to hire an attorney is because, given the circumstances of my case, 2nd offense within a couple years, high BAC, I don't think anything substantial can be undone except that I might avoid jail time. Here in SB county I hear the jail time is minimal if any, so do I really wanna pay 2000 plus dollars to get out of doing a week in jail? 30 days on a misdemeanor DUI with no accident is not going to happen. They will give me a couple weeks, at most. Other than that there's no real mitigating circumstances that a lawyer could manipulate other than the fact that I was accused of speeding, which I don't believe I was. I was told that it's a long shot but a lawyer may be able to get my charge dropped if they find no proof that I was actually speeding.
I'm not a lawyer so I don't know if any of this is actually true. And I apologize if I seem like I'm not listening to all the advice everyone is giving, I'm just very overwhelmed and depressed in all of this. If hiring a lawyer has any chance of getting my charge dropped to wet and reckless or being dropped altogether I will do it, I just feel that those chances are extremely slim to none.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I don't think anyone intends to make you feel bad about yourself, you're beating yourself up as it is. People with long term sobriety are giving advice based on their experience. You're taking steps which is great; only you can decide what you need to do to deal with your drinking and sobriety. We are here to offer support, not tear you down, and I hope you take it that way.
You're making assumptions that no lawyer can help you, and you don't know that until you speak to an experienced California DUI attorney, who should be able to give you an initial consult for a fairly reasonable fee, which may be a far better option than a public defender. DUIs convictions themselves have huge financial implications which far exceed the cost of any attorney, if the attorney is successful in pleading down your charge or getting you off completely on a technicality.
Nobody but such a lawyer is qualified to give legal advice. There is a rule here that we are not to give medical advice other than talk to your doctor. The only advice I will offer is talk to a lawyer. At worst you're out an initial consulting fee, but he/she will know far more than Google Lawyer, AA people, people here on soberrecovery, etc. All I know is that friends of mine also felt that a lawyer could not help them, and in every case they were able to have their charges reduced or dropped.
You're making assumptions that no lawyer can help you, and you don't know that until you speak to an experienced California DUI attorney, who should be able to give you an initial consult for a fairly reasonable fee, which may be a far better option than a public defender. DUIs convictions themselves have huge financial implications which far exceed the cost of any attorney, if the attorney is successful in pleading down your charge or getting you off completely on a technicality.
Nobody but such a lawyer is qualified to give legal advice. There is a rule here that we are not to give medical advice other than talk to your doctor. The only advice I will offer is talk to a lawyer. At worst you're out an initial consulting fee, but he/she will know far more than Google Lawyer, AA people, people here on soberrecovery, etc. All I know is that friends of mine also felt that a lawyer could not help them, and in every case they were able to have their charges reduced or dropped.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,501
I don't know how you can speak to a public defender before your court date. Are there any phone numbers on the paperwork that you received where you can call to find information? If not, you could try calling your local court house and see if they can give you information?
Most of us here can relate to how miserable you feel at this point. Have faith that you can get through this and that you will feel better. That said, I think anything you can do to prepare yourself for the court date, would be a good idea.
Most of us here can relate to how miserable you feel at this point. Have faith that you can get through this and that you will feel better. That said, I think anything you can do to prepare yourself for the court date, would be a good idea.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Hi, Whats-by some miracle I wasn't charged with DUI after the accident that nearly killed me 22 months ago, and I do feel for you. I think you are making some very positive steps that will really help you get your life back. I Just looked up DUI lawyers on line and see that some of them offer free evaluations of cases. Perhaps you can contact an attorney like that in your state and get a bit of insight as to what you might expect and what could be done. It couldn't hurt. Wishing you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Whatsdoneisdone
How can I go about speaking to a public defender before my court date? I was under the impression that a public defender only talks to you about your case when you arrive for arraignment. If I can contact and speak with my public defender before the case I would very much like to do so.
a public defender is an attorney appointed to represent people who cannot afford to hire one- appointed at arraignment. there is a list the courts have of attys that the judge will chose from for each case.
until that arraignement, the public defenders dont even know who they will be representing, so its impossible to speak to the one representing until arraignment- when one is appointed.
you may not even see or talk to the public defender at the arraignment- that happens after arraignment.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
People have done a lot worse and recovered. I was in an AA meeting today with a guy who told us that he got two DWIs ....... in the same day!
Another guy had four DWIs before he got into recovery.
Both of them managed to get on track with their lives. It did take time. At 26 you have a lot more time than either of them did when they got into trouble.
Good luck!
Another guy had four DWIs before he got into recovery.
Both of them managed to get on track with their lives. It did take time. At 26 you have a lot more time than either of them did when they got into trouble.
Good luck!
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
Whatsdoneisdone, I wasn't trying to insult you or make you feel worse. From what I was reading of your postings it sounded like you simply stopped drinking and just told yourself never again. From my experience that doesn't work. You need to take action, like going to AA. Now I see you posted that you are going to AA and have continued not drinking so that is awesome!!! Tomsteve and the others pretty much covered anything else I can think. Right now just get to those meetings, work with a sponsor and keep doing the next right thing.
Stuff will work out in the end, it always does.
Stuff will work out in the end, it always does.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 7
You may want to call a DUI attorney and explain your situation to him. He should be honest with you about the chances of getting the charges reduced, and then you can decide whether to hire him. It sounds like you don't really care about the jail time. If the private attorney says that you will likely be stuck with a 2d DUI, then you can forget him and go with the court-appointed freebie. Either way, you'll want a lawyer to get you driving privileges for work/school as soon as possible.
Your situation will suck for a while, but it's not the end of the world. I got around on a bike and public transportation for a long time, not because I had to but because I'm cheap and liked the freedom of not being in a car. As for future employment, as long as you can provide value to someone and are reliable, you'll be OK. Especially if you pick up a skill or trade that is in demand (accounting, IT, engineering, plumbing, etc.)
Good luck!
Your situation will suck for a while, but it's not the end of the world. I got around on a bike and public transportation for a long time, not because I had to but because I'm cheap and liked the freedom of not being in a car. As for future employment, as long as you can provide value to someone and are reliable, you'll be OK. Especially if you pick up a skill or trade that is in demand (accounting, IT, engineering, plumbing, etc.)
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Read my thread "Just got out of jail"...Get into a treatment program before court. Get help. PM me or in this thread.. A solid lawyer is crucial with a 2nd..my 2nd cost me over $25K total.. a lot of that was loss of work and vehicle damage. Your life isn't over. It's in a 'fixing my sh*t holding pattern' for now..get help!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I've been there.
I was older than you when I sat in jail in LA county thinking my life was over....
Second DUI later, in Michigan. Should have been a third but got off on the actual #1 in Ventura on a technicality and a great attorney.
I went on drinking until I was 40....
Truth is, life isn't over.those feelings you're having of worthlessness are temporary and so is this situation and the consequences from it.
Grab onto sobriety with all you've got. Let this be your bottom. Give yourself completely to a better life free from alcohol and you will be amazed.
You can do it, and it will be ok.
I was older than you when I sat in jail in LA county thinking my life was over....
Second DUI later, in Michigan. Should have been a third but got off on the actual #1 in Ventura on a technicality and a great attorney.
I went on drinking until I was 40....
Truth is, life isn't over.those feelings you're having of worthlessness are temporary and so is this situation and the consequences from it.
Grab onto sobriety with all you've got. Let this be your bottom. Give yourself completely to a better life free from alcohol and you will be amazed.
You can do it, and it will be ok.
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