LoveForMe

What is this nonsense? I dont have the urge to drink but it's like I'm having an urge to have an urge... its like somewhere deep down inside i want things to go back to how they used to be. Does anyone ever feel like this?

hopeful4

I am not a drinker, but I think I understand what you are saying. When my life was in chaos, it was such a part of me that it was ingrained in me. It's like when life began to smooth out, I would have these urges to have that chaos around me again. Sounds crazy, but I found I did not know any other way.

Just stay the course. Picking up would be the worst thing you could do for yourself, just like jumping into chaos would have been for me.

Glad you are sharing, have a super day!

tomsteve

an urge to go back to what i used to consider comfortable sometimes
then other times things were goin very good and i had the urge to throw a wrench into it.

that was early on. i didnt allow the thought to control my actions as the results were already known

AnvilheadII

sure! ANY time we make significant changes in our lives, it's natural to have doubts even when the changes are for the better. we are moving out of our "uncomfortable" comfort zone.....we are leaving the familiar for the unknown.

however, we don't have to act on our feelings. or passing thoughts. we can stand firm, reaffirm our commitment and move forward.

LeeJane

I understand and I have acted on it in the past. I always desperately regretted it

bluedog97

I can totally relate. It's like our comfort zone - the chaos, the despair, all excuses to drink again. When we break out of it, it's uncomfortable - like a 180. Even others seem surprised, which is annoying (at least to me).

Glad you posted about it. It's good to hear our shared experiences.

icandothis20

I feel like this everyday.... its like you are so used to the chaos you created in your life... it doesn't feel normal not to have all that stress.

Dee74

How are you doing now Kate?

D

Chilledice

An urge to have an urge...sounds like your AV

Try not to read too much into it and just realise that in early sobriety you can have ALL sorts of thoughts and feelings which can be frustrating and confusing at times.

One day at a time

Gottalife

My obsession with alcohol was based on the belief that I could somehow get back to the point where alcohol really was magical. Those early drinking days when there was a great sense of ease and comfort. I lost that, but tried over an over to get back to that place. Every first drink was accompanied by the thought that this time I will get there, and enjoy it all as I used to. It never happened. I could never recapture those times. And I was killing myself trying.

ChloeRose63

Yes, I have that, too. I mostly have it in the morning when I am starting my day and my AV starts planning how I can get thru the day with alittle help from alcohol and a cigarette....

thomas11

I'd say what you are experiencing is perfectly normal, the key is not to give in to such urges.

LoveForMe

I'm doing okay. I ended up buying 4 mini bottles of vodka, carried them around with me for a while... don't know what I was thinking😣

I ended up dumping them. Thank God. Today is day 96😁

LoveForMe

Thanks everyone for the replies. It feels nice to know I'm not the only one feeling this way! It's way better today though😊

bunnezjp

I'm 3.5 years Sober and still get the urge to drink. Alot. But I know I won't. I'd rather be able to accept that Yeah, I still want to drink than be in denial about it. Don't know if that's helpful but it's easier for me to just accept that I'll probably always want to drink. I just won't (drink) though.

~Bunnez

icandothis20

YAY!! Good for you!

Dee74

I'm glad you dumped them

D

PhoenixJ

Kate...my brain is waking up. I often have theoreticals go thru my little brain. I will deal with (for me) an incredibly stressful situation- like recently signing final divorce paper, really well. I had a plan...chose a quietish coffee shop...worked out wehat no to do...ate food b4, lots of water (and coffee).
It was as 'good' as it could have been. No high drama- everyone poilte...as supportive as we could be.
BRAIN- asks me (I see me brain as being different) after....'why don/t you want to drink...a perfect **** storm,,drama, loss, anger, game...'...then brain answers brain back, quite logically and with no emotion..'because that did not work and this does.. rudeword'. I see it as starting to learn how to put on my emotional big boy pants.

PlayStation4

Ya I know that feeling well, even though my life has improved since I quit drinking I still feel like I belong and fit in better pissed in the bar and I might be having a lovely day out with the family with this **** going on in my head , makes no sense. Councillor said it's quite normal, spent 20 years in the bar, that thinking won't change in 6 months, best of luck on your journey