Day 9 - Missing family support
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Originally Posted by Matt5150 
I think that part of my issue is that I want her to look me in the eye and say I'm sorry for what I put you through and not recognizing that you were trying to help me. For top long she blamed me for her issues in life but she never admitted that drinking was an issue. So that made it look like I was some monster who treated her like garbage. I guess I'm looking for some sort of validation for my pain and loss of her. Does that make sense?
I know my drinking has been hard on her, as she has told me hundreds of times. What I don't think she realizes is just how hard stopping is on me. I'm the one going through it, and I also have to deal with the negative vibes that I've received from her over the years, and still continue to do so now. Things may never be the same. I guess at my age (55) it really don't matter. I can't remember the last time I was happy, so we might as well live our lives together and not die alone.
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Originally Posted by Jules714
Hi. 9 days is not nothing...it's a start. Good for you. Early sobriety is very emotional. I'm still going through it 2 months in. It's supposed to take at least a year for all to level out.
I would be very cautious in what you wish for. If she were ultra supportive that might make you think it's ok to drink.
If she's acknowledged a week, I'd assume she's going to acknowledge weeks. If start getting them under my belt.
I can assure you that she has had enough. If you drink again and she has any respect for herself, she will leave.
Happened to me.
Huge proponent for getting/staying sober.
Who would want someone like me? I wouldn't. I didn't want my ex husband drinking and using.
Get yourself better and prove to her that you want to be better, for you and her.
It's tough love, and this is really hard but no one owes us anything! We owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to recover.
You will find tons of support here from people who actually understand. Glass half full.
GL,
Jules
I would be very cautious in what you wish for. If she were ultra supportive that might make you think it's ok to drink.
If she's acknowledged a week, I'd assume she's going to acknowledge weeks. If start getting them under my belt.
I can assure you that she has had enough. If you drink again and she has any respect for herself, she will leave.
Happened to me.
Huge proponent for getting/staying sober.
Who would want someone like me? I wouldn't. I didn't want my ex husband drinking and using.
Get yourself better and prove to her that you want to be better, for you and her.
It's tough love, and this is really hard but no one owes us anything! We owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to recover.
You will find tons of support here from people who actually understand. Glass half full.
GL,
Jules
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Posts: 41
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
She did actually congratulate you, albeit maybe she's not trumpeting it from the rooftops on the hour. The thing is, we don't get to choose how others around us act or dictate their level of support. And while 9 days sober is great, it's far too early to expect her to just dismiss everything that's happened over the years. Think of how she must have felt every time you came home drink, lied to her and missed work.
That's not to say that things won't change for the better, control what you can ( staying sober ) and there's a good chance they will. But In the meantime a little humility is probably in order.
That's not to say that things won't change for the better, control what you can ( staying sober ) and there's a good chance they will. But In the meantime a little humility is probably in order.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
I would like to have her verbally say, hey... I'm proud of you.
do you plan to stay sober permanently THIS time? and do you have a plan to do so? we have some terrific threads here about recovery plans.....
meanwhile, cut the lady some slack. let your unbroken sobriety be the balm you both seek.
do you plan to stay sober permanently THIS time? and do you have a plan to do so? we have some terrific threads here about recovery plans.....
meanwhile, cut the lady some slack. let your unbroken sobriety be the balm you both seek.
I can't do meetings, I've tried and they are just not for me. I've seen counselors and they have provided me with some great insight. It's up to me know to take my knowledge that I have learned from them, to take my goal in life to be a sober happy husband, father and friend again and just do it. There is no magic pill, no step by step guide, it's up to me and I know it.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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Originally Posted by FieldReport
It makes 100% sense to me, I completely understand.
I know my drinking has been hard on her, as she has told me hundreds of times. What I don't think she realizes is just how hard stopping is on me. I'm the one going through it, and I also have to deal with the negative vibes that I've received from her over the years, and still continue to do so now. Things may never be the same. I guess at my age (55) it really don't matter. I can't remember the last time I was happy, so we might as well live our lives together and not die alone.
I know my drinking has been hard on her, as she has told me hundreds of times. What I don't think she realizes is just how hard stopping is on me. I'm the one going through it, and I also have to deal with the negative vibes that I've received from her over the years, and still continue to do so now. Things may never be the same. I guess at my age (55) it really don't matter. I can't remember the last time I was happy, so we might as well live our lives together and not die alone.
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Originally Posted by FieldReport
I can't do meetings, I've tried and they are just not for me. I've seen counselors and they have provided me with some great insight. It's up to me know to take my knowledge that I have learned from them, to take my goal in life to be a sober happy husband, father and friend again and just do it. There is no magic pill, no step by step guide, it's up to me and I know it.
I would also point out that most programs of sobriety "aren't for us" at first. Mostly because each and every one starts with quitting....and as alcoholics we don't want to quit. Pretty much every plan or program also requires us to accept/commit/surrender to the fact that we cannot drink ever again...and that's a tough pill to swallow.
I hope we can be of help to you in finding a plan that works.
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Location: UK, South Coast
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Hey FR, I know exactly how u feel. I felt really upset that my hubbie wasn't reallly showing much support....i guess i wanted the acknowledgment of the changes i was trying to make....but like u.....id made these promises b4. I came here & posted the exact same post as u, i got pretty much the same responses....these responses were spot on. We have to except that we're not going to get that vocal support from our spouses until we can demonstrate our sobriety. At the end of the day, we've broken promises so often (not intentionally, but we have)!
Do what I do, come here for support & or go to an addiction meeting/therapist.
In time u will show her & then she will show her pride in u. Good luck
Do what I do, come here for support & or go to an addiction meeting/therapist.
In time u will show her & then she will show her pride in u. Good luck
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Originally Posted by FieldReport
, no step by step guide, it's up to me and I know it.
more than AA.
there was absolutely no way i could stay sober and fix my thinking with the same thinking i got drunk with.
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Originally Posted by loulou1981
Hey FR, I know exactly how u feel. I felt really upset that my hubbie wasn't reallly showing much support....i guess i wanted the acknowledgment of the changes i was trying to make....but like u.....id made these promises b4. I came here & posted the exact same post as u, i got pretty much the same responses....these responses were spot on. We have to except that we're not going to get that vocal support from our spouses until we can demonstrate our sobriety. At the end of the day, we've broken promises so often (not intentionally, but we have)!
Do what I do, come here for support & or go to an addiction meeting/therapist.
In time u will show her & then she will show her pride in u. Good luck
Do what I do, come here for support & or go to an addiction meeting/therapist.
In time u will show her & then she will show her pride in u. Good luck
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