Millennial gothy science lady goes to AA
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 215
Millennial gothy science lady goes to AA
I wasn’t going to come back here because I’m on my last anger management warning, but I am on my last warning for life too, so oh well.
Got arrested in February for assault with a weapon. Still waiting to see what's going to happen to me. I failed the psych evaluation, so my lawyer threw it out. Anyway, he urged me to go to AA 3 times a week, which I agreed to.
It isn't that bad. It's as bad as I expected it to be, okay maybe a little worse, but I'm getting used to it. I'm sucking it up and trying to be nice to people. Kind of a lost cause here as far as the program is concerned though. Hanging out with a bunch of old dudes 3 times a week isn't the worst thing I've had to push myself to do.
I think what's really going to save me is that I'm going back to school in September. I've been out of school for 2 years and this vacation has been really terrible. Anyway, I have my out lined up for this chronic alcoholism thing and looking forward to getting my lab coat back on. Might still end up in jail, but expecting the worst isn't going to help.
Got arrested in February for assault with a weapon. Still waiting to see what's going to happen to me. I failed the psych evaluation, so my lawyer threw it out. Anyway, he urged me to go to AA 3 times a week, which I agreed to.
It isn't that bad. It's as bad as I expected it to be, okay maybe a little worse, but I'm getting used to it. I'm sucking it up and trying to be nice to people. Kind of a lost cause here as far as the program is concerned though. Hanging out with a bunch of old dudes 3 times a week isn't the worst thing I've had to push myself to do.
I think what's really going to save me is that I'm going back to school in September. I've been out of school for 2 years and this vacation has been really terrible. Anyway, I have my out lined up for this chronic alcoholism thing and looking forward to getting my lab coat back on. Might still end up in jail, but expecting the worst isn't going to help.
I'm a big fan of the guitar. I love that damn instrument. - Steve Vai
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 46
Hanging out with the old dudes may inspire you to keep moving forward and not make the same mistakes they made. You've got a lot in front of you; sobriety can only help, even if the outcome isn't the one you're hoping for.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by vulturine 
I'd rather be hanging around a bunch of cheerful and well-balanced old guys than sullen chicks like me, that's for damn sure.
the became old dudes by getting some humility- admittin their way sucked,they didnt know jack about jack, and started listening to suggestions and using them.
it would be wise to follow in their footsteps.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hi. Welcome back.
I hope that you will start to look beyond the differences. Clothes. Age. Demeanour. These are all parts of the false self and pretty irrelevant to recovery. But then, that's presuming that you have gone to AA as part of Recovery and for an honest and genuine attempt at long term sobriety and change.
If, on the ther hand, you are going because your lawyer thinks it will look good on you in court, and you are just going along to 'hang out' there and continue to look for the differences and not look for similarities, then it will be not much more than a change in routine. And most of us need a much bigger change than just our routine.
So. I hope today you will (having learned that it's not as pleasant to hang out with sullen people as it is more cheerful and well-balanced ones) respectfully treat some of the 'old guys' at your next meeting to a reduction in sulleness. Listen out for the similarities. And start to think who you are - deeper and beyond your image and what you DO - i.e Millenian, Gothy, Science. I'm not quite sure what you are writing off when you dismiss The Program. Yourself? Or The Program? There are no Lost causes in AA. Just Willing and Unwilling. We can all make that choice.
I wish you all the best for your sobriety and your recovery.
BB
I hope that you will start to look beyond the differences. Clothes. Age. Demeanour. These are all parts of the false self and pretty irrelevant to recovery. But then, that's presuming that you have gone to AA as part of Recovery and for an honest and genuine attempt at long term sobriety and change.
If, on the ther hand, you are going because your lawyer thinks it will look good on you in court, and you are just going along to 'hang out' there and continue to look for the differences and not look for similarities, then it will be not much more than a change in routine. And most of us need a much bigger change than just our routine.
So. I hope today you will (having learned that it's not as pleasant to hang out with sullen people as it is more cheerful and well-balanced ones) respectfully treat some of the 'old guys' at your next meeting to a reduction in sulleness. Listen out for the similarities. And start to think who you are - deeper and beyond your image and what you DO - i.e Millenian, Gothy, Science. I'm not quite sure what you are writing off when you dismiss The Program. Yourself? Or The Program? There are no Lost causes in AA. Just Willing and Unwilling. We can all make that choice.
I wish you all the best for your sobriety and your recovery.
BB
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,680
The study you like? Is that not also run by old persons? Crap about the stuff that has happened- but you have 'fessed up and obviously know booze will make EVERYTHING worse.
Support and empathy to you.
Support and empathy to you.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
My dear vulturine, the only thing that's going to save you is you 
I remember the desperation of sober-drunk-suicidal-drunk-sober lather rinse repeat ad nauseum. I railed against my legal problems, the program, resentment, and everything going wrong in my life.
I gave up on myself for awhile.
You know, that soul-sickness has an impact on the people around you, especially the ones you love. You know your parents love you, they care, and they are scared.
Anger is part of the sickness. It might not be such an easy choice to turn off like just choosing not to drink or use, but it can be worked through if you intentionally decide to work through it and good for you for continuing to do so.
Give yourself credit for the good things you've done and are doing. Try to find gratitude and the upside of things. Believe me, it can make a huge difference.
I am really glad you are giving AA a go. School will not be your saviour. It can be helpful in getting you on a better path for sure. But to stay on that path, you need a rounded out plan and support system, don't you think?
You can make this work, you can make things better if you want, I know you can.
it can and will get better. Gotta start putting in the legwork. You can do this.
I remember the desperation of sober-drunk-suicidal-drunk-sober lather rinse repeat ad nauseum. I railed against my legal problems, the program, resentment, and everything going wrong in my life.
I gave up on myself for awhile.
You know, that soul-sickness has an impact on the people around you, especially the ones you love. You know your parents love you, they care, and they are scared.
Anger is part of the sickness. It might not be such an easy choice to turn off like just choosing not to drink or use, but it can be worked through if you intentionally decide to work through it and good for you for continuing to do so.
Give yourself credit for the good things you've done and are doing. Try to find gratitude and the upside of things. Believe me, it can make a huge difference.
I am really glad you are giving AA a go. School will not be your saviour. It can be helpful in getting you on a better path for sure. But to stay on that path, you need a rounded out plan and support system, don't you think?
You can make this work, you can make things better if you want, I know you can.
it can and will get better. Gotta start putting in the legwork. You can do this.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
Berrybean said:
There are no Lost causes in AA. Just Willing and Unwilling. We can all make that choice.
It's really that simple. If you go in with an open mind, listen to others' stories, take the steps seriously, and do some good hard work, the program can and will work for you. You don't have to agree with everything in the big book. You don't have to like everything that happens in the rooms. You don't have to abandon science. Look for the similarities between you and the old dudes. You'll find there are plenty if you listen. I have only come across a couple of people at AA that I really can't relate to at least somewhat, and they are the ones who are not being honest. I can smell it a mile away. Honesty, willingness, and a bit of faith that you can have what you admire in the people who have some sobriety will take you really far.
There are no Lost causes in AA. Just Willing and Unwilling. We can all make that choice.
It's really that simple. If you go in with an open mind, listen to others' stories, take the steps seriously, and do some good hard work, the program can and will work for you. You don't have to agree with everything in the big book. You don't have to like everything that happens in the rooms. You don't have to abandon science. Look for the similarities between you and the old dudes. You'll find there are plenty if you listen. I have only come across a couple of people at AA that I really can't relate to at least somewhat, and they are the ones who are not being honest. I can smell it a mile away. Honesty, willingness, and a bit of faith that you can have what you admire in the people who have some sobriety will take you really far.
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Join Date: May 2012
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I'm glad you are making an earnest attempt at this Vulturine. You seem like a highly intelligent and insightful person so I am certain that you have what it takes within you already to do this. The question of course is willingness to actually do it and stick with it...and it seems you are headed down that path.
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
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Millennial gothy science lady goes to AA --
Sounds cool...
There are some great responses here..
Glad to hear you are going back to school.
Sounds like you are "making" the turn to better things!!!!
Sounds cool...
There are some great responses here..
Glad to hear you are going back to school.
Sounds like you are "making" the turn to better things!!!!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet Earth (most days)
Posts: 1,596
Originally Posted by Ariesagain
You have a marvelous brain and you need to use it for constructive purposes...boredom and lack of fulfillment gets really smart people in trouble.
Grab this with both hands, yes?
Grab this with both hands, yes?
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
Originally Posted by vulturine
Got arrested in February for assault with a weapon. Still waiting to see what's going to happen to me. I failed the psych evaluation, so my lawyer threw it out. Anyway, he urged me to go to AA 3 times a week, which I agreed to.
my experience (not my opinion) is that few alcoholics have the courage to admit their defects of character and shortcomings like you do
the willingness/ actions of a winner
just turned 55 this week so im officially an old dude now
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
since you're in Toronto, you will have hundreds of meetings to choose from.
just sayin'....you could go to a different meeting every day or a year and you might be halfway through your choices
good to hear you giving this a go, vulturine.
just sayin'....you could go to a different meeting every day or a year and you might be halfway through your choices
good to hear you giving this a go, vulturine.
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