MidnightRider

Hey Sky -

I want to say (from my experience ) you are now going to be BETTER because of this "slip".

Addiction is a tough way to live!....Man, It just ain't easy.
But you have today ,, right now.
You can stay clean and sober today. WINNER !

OWN it.. LEARN from it.... But don't feel all this shame and guilt.
Sorry just don't see how that can help you right now.


Hope this makes sense.... Main point is. Get back on the horse and ride!

_MR

Dee74

I hope the depression and guilt will lift Sky.

There's nothing we can do about the past - it's done - but today and tomorrow are here for us to do whatever we want - endless possibilities

cocokramer

Hi sky.

at my AA meeting tonight, one of the women shared that she doesn't discuss with anyone how long she has in terms of her sobriety. It's what works for her.

I like the accountability of giving people my date but that's the way my brain works.

We are all different and I don't see anything wrong with working your program the way it works best for you.

Anyhow - I hope that things are looking up for you today.

CK

Delilah1

Hi Sky,

I'm glad you decided to come right back on here and post. Try not to obsess too much about relapsing, but do spend some time thinking about what led up to drinking, and the new take a look at the links Dee posted and tweak your plan a little.

Also, don't be afraid to tell your therapist, that's what they are there for. Have them help you look at your plan and get back on track.

You can do this!!

sky90

Okay thank you! Unfortunately, my therapist won't be available until the end of the month good thing I have SR until then...

@MidnightRider-I really do hope this slip makes me stronger...

I think since I let my job know I will be leaving soon it makes me feel like my relpase and not currently working are somehow related however I must remind myself that I QUIT and have been meaning to long before I even lapsed...and I AM actively looking for a new position...

I guess it is all about the positive self talk!

Also, I am just a bit lonely to be honest...seems as if everyone I know is moving on with their life and I am not.

PhoenixJ

SKY- weeklies with the counsellor is good. A professional guide. For me- apart from the guide- I need objective friends. People who listen, understand, have the experience to empathise and not judge- but are also outside of my personal circle. The dreaded AA meetings. Or SMART- I do a bit of both.
A way of getting a sober battery recharge, or a regular refresh screen.
I see my addiction to alcohol at present, with a year + sober- as 'being asleep'.
Or perhaps n a coma. Regular meetings are the natural sober drug needed to keep my addiction in that state. If I just did weeklies with a counsellor, I could spin the story- not intentionally lying- but choosing to only put forward all the really good stuff and glossing over bad days w.r.t negative thinking.
I know someone who after 15 years sobriety, for no reason (not stress he said) skulled a bottle of cheap supermarket cooking wine whilst cooking one night. He did not understand. Meetings- and CBT with a psychologist are my way of reinforcing a fail safe switch- that, hopefully will kick in, before my hand reaches for the first drink. Journal writing is also very good for me. Support to you.

sky90

Awesome. You know therapy alone may just not be enough this time around..I thought work would be enough of a replacement for the objective friends but it seems that adding something else to therapy is key...SR may be the missing ingredient God willing all will be well..I have never tried a SMART meeting what exactly happens there? Am not too much a fan of group sharing...on SR I'm totally fine with it but get quite anxious at meetings

Also, I am not going to put such an emphasis on counting my amount of time this time around honestly I'm just going try to immerse myself into a busy lifestyle where I won't need to count anymore.

I really thought the GYM would be my thing...I'd go everyday and everything would be alright but after my fourth or sixth attempt at making the gym part of my lifestyle I've realized it's just not for me.... I like playing sports but actively attending the gym not so much...to each their own right?

Oh and my therapist diagnosed me with PTSD a few weeks before my lapse...I think my therapist diagnosing me with PTSD was a bit of a shock...

anyone else here relate?

PhoenixJ

Sky- I got c-PTSD, it sucks. Try not to see it as a relapse threat, but more of a way of understanding and getting to have control over your emotions.
SMART meetings (here at any rate)- I did intensively when they were closest to me in recovery. They are very good- CBT based. Basically they are run by a professional type person (social worker, addiction counsellor). The people in the group are invited to share..what they did in the previous 7 days that worked and what did not in relation to addiction sobriety, staying clean.... Then the GROUP offers feedback on what worked for them, what did not work- perhaps have you thought of doing such and such? The person running the meeting keeps it going and may prompt, but they just do that- the people in the group do all the work. For example I went to one meeting where this young bloke, hippy looking and nervous as a sparrow was going ballistic nervous over a certain legal meeting. It turned out it was because he was not sleeping. He was not sleeping b-cause his mattress was horrible. We suggested he speak to the recovery organisation that housed him and have it replaced. The next week he was not nervous at all- he had the mattress replaced and was sleeping well.
At the close of the meeting- the chair then invites people to say what they plan to achieve in the next 7 days.
AA is different in that people share- but there is no feedback from the group. AA meetings are specifically planned NOT to do that. People say their piece, everyone just listens...say hello when they introduce themselves, and thankyou and clap when they finish. No feed-b. Also at AA- if people do not want to share- a common response here is 'I will share by listening'. No pressure- but a different focus. So the 2 have different focuses. The overall intent is sobriety. AA- is just booze. SMART is addiction.
Hope that helps. For me- the physical act of going to a meeting is just as important as what goes on in them. It proves to myself- and others (including professional type people) that I show my commitment to sobriety with action- over time.
Support to you.

sky90

Thank you for the information! Yes, PTSD does suck...to be honest it is one of the reasons I want to move. I have definitely been looking at PTSD as a relapse threat but will try to look at it as a way of understanding the "why" of it all.

PhoenixJ

My hassles with ptsd is feeling the rush of emotions that recall the events from the past. That is how CBT helps.