Turning it over to God today... Day 3
Gratitude Gardener
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 278
Turning it over to God today... Day 3
So I woke up today with really really painful menstrual cramps... The kind that makes you feel dizzy and literally sick.... Radiating from the abdomen out to your limbs and brain.
Thats not unusual for me when I am at this time of the month, but right now my coping mechanisms are not at their most stable or strong.
My boyfriend, who was an angel yesterday through my house cleaning drama, apparently woke up hours before me in one of his mental illness fogs (which have become FAR less frequent over the past two months with his new medications and therapy).
So now his mood has changed and he is doing what he typically does during one of his episodes, which is to BREAK UP with me (out of the blue) and also accuse me of things I am not doing (bizarre things that only paranoid disordered brains would imagine).
So, my dears, on day three I have my work cut out for me.
I am not buying into his drama (as best as I can do) and I know this delusionary state will pass in just a few hours. It historically always does, and all goes back to normal.
(No body is perfect, and I have a nice long history of dating men who were extremely manipulative and selfish (even narcissistic) massive mind game players... My current boyfriend, in contrast, has this ONE defect (a milder version of paranoid schizophrenia), and in every other aspect he is proving to be the kindest, most supportive, and most faithful of anyone Ive dated previously. He is my best friend, and my lover. I can deal with a brain disorder if it means i get to have all the wonderful rest of what I get with this man.)
But I promised Mom I would be there tonight and its very important to me that I be with her as I am concerned actually about her safety right now.
So the house is a STY, and with my cramps being this bad today I can barely fathom PACKING up my stuff, let alone cleaning .. And today at some point I have to tell my housemate he has a month to find another place to live.... and I guess I have to make some kind of peace within myself about ALL OF THIS.
So... Here is my prayer today: "Infinite spirit, reveal to me the way, let me know if there is
anything for me to do."
Supportive prayers welcome, I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants emotionally today.
Thats not unusual for me when I am at this time of the month, but right now my coping mechanisms are not at their most stable or strong.
My boyfriend, who was an angel yesterday through my house cleaning drama, apparently woke up hours before me in one of his mental illness fogs (which have become FAR less frequent over the past two months with his new medications and therapy).
So now his mood has changed and he is doing what he typically does during one of his episodes, which is to BREAK UP with me (out of the blue) and also accuse me of things I am not doing (bizarre things that only paranoid disordered brains would imagine).
So, my dears, on day three I have my work cut out for me.
I am not buying into his drama (as best as I can do) and I know this delusionary state will pass in just a few hours. It historically always does, and all goes back to normal.
(No body is perfect, and I have a nice long history of dating men who were extremely manipulative and selfish (even narcissistic) massive mind game players... My current boyfriend, in contrast, has this ONE defect (a milder version of paranoid schizophrenia), and in every other aspect he is proving to be the kindest, most supportive, and most faithful of anyone Ive dated previously. He is my best friend, and my lover. I can deal with a brain disorder if it means i get to have all the wonderful rest of what I get with this man.)
But I promised Mom I would be there tonight and its very important to me that I be with her as I am concerned actually about her safety right now.
So the house is a STY, and with my cramps being this bad today I can barely fathom PACKING up my stuff, let alone cleaning .. And today at some point I have to tell my housemate he has a month to find another place to live.... and I guess I have to make some kind of peace within myself about ALL OF THIS.
So... Here is my prayer today: "Infinite spirit, reveal to me the way, let me know if there is
anything for me to do."
Supportive prayers welcome, I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants emotionally today.
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