Ok. I'm having a not-so-great time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,358
Try some self compassion? I'm old, too, Bix. Who knows what our next evolution will bring us. https://palousemindfulness.com/medit...the-allow.html
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boston Ma
Posts: 980
This chain is why I love this site. We are all, in one way or another facing uncertainty about health, aging, wondering if it's all worth it. Our questions are real and on days we feel strong we can answer and guide, other days we are the ones asking how, and why we keep going.
I buried my husband last week and my questions about everything are keeping me up at night. I read all of the entries looking for glimmers of hope and always find them. Quitting drinking was hard, but now that I know I can do that, I have to believe I can get through tomorrow.
I buried my husband last week and my questions about everything are keeping me up at night. I read all of the entries looking for glimmers of hope and always find them. Quitting drinking was hard, but now that I know I can do that, I have to believe I can get through tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
I don't know what to say. I have to admit.. I feel a little guilty to say this when so many people get shorter lives than me or are dying sooner than I will.. or have lost people and wish they were still here.. or for whatever reason think that everyone should be grateful and live their life to the fullest.. because I don't feel that way. I wake up most days and my first thought when I have to get out of bed is I don't want to be here any more. It's all so meaningless and tiresome.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by Mklove 
This chain is why I love this site. We are all, in one way or another facing uncertainty about health, aging, wondering if it's all worth it. Our questions are real and on days we feel strong we can answer and guide, other days we are the ones asking how, and why we keep going.
I buried my husband last week and my questions about everything are keeping me up at night. I read all of the entries looking for glimmers of hope and always find them. Quitting drinking was hard, but now that I know I can do that, I have to believe I can get through tomorrow.
I buried my husband last week and my questions about everything are keeping me up at night. I read all of the entries looking for glimmers of hope and always find them. Quitting drinking was hard, but now that I know I can do that, I have to believe I can get through tomorrow.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
July 27. Day 1.
I let my fear, grief, pressure, loss get the best of me. I threw myself into a drinking frenzy that has left me closer to failure of job and relationships than ever.
I cannot keep doing this. Staying dry for days or weeks, sometimes months, then flinging myself to the bottom of the hole again.
I'm done. God help me. I mean it.
I let my fear, grief, pressure, loss get the best of me. I threw myself into a drinking frenzy that has left me closer to failure of job and relationships than ever.
I cannot keep doing this. Staying dry for days or weeks, sometimes months, then flinging myself to the bottom of the hole again.
I'm done. God help me. I mean it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Today, people who don't know my problems are counting on my answers, on my coming through. As soon as I finish boohooing here, I'll go do my best, sick and exhausted and depressed as I am.
Partner is distinctly unsurprised and colder. I understand.
Partner is distinctly unsurprised and colder. I understand.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Originally Posted by BixBees505
I wish I could say...ah ha! All is well!! But that would not be true. I will keep thIs thread open. Until I know what the Eff is going on.
I join Gilmer in prayer for you
Please keep posting, you have full and unwavering support here.
Maladaptive
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East coast, USA
Posts: 558
When I feel down, especially about my physical conditions, I think of all those young men and women who serve in any country's armed forces. So many come back with physical issues. Yet, They accept the situation and make the best of it. I have seen some people who have lost a leg and can run better than me!
It's about your mind. You need to turn your thoughts around and embrace your limitations and figure out how to make the best of it.
It's about your mind. You need to turn your thoughts around and embrace your limitations and figure out how to make the best of it.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
I am in my late fifties too. Take courage BixBees, you seem to work very hard but that never seems to be enough and from what I can can get a sense of you are not receiving much support. I would maybe try and let some of it go, Your current work situation is a contributing to your depression and all the things that follow from that but I feel certain you could find or create something better.
In regards to your physical health the medical profession does progress, sometimes in fits and starts so maybe your prognosis may not be set in stone.
I know from my own experience that one of the most soul destroying conditions is knowing that you are being used or exploited. This is breaking an SR rule but I don't care, whatever happens Bix don't let the ba****rds grind you down.
In regards to your physical health the medical profession does progress, sometimes in fits and starts so maybe your prognosis may not be set in stone.
I know from my own experience that one of the most soul destroying conditions is knowing that you are being used or exploited. This is breaking an SR rule but I don't care, whatever happens Bix don't let the ba****rds grind you down.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,672
Faith and hope- two words that cannot be measured without action-results-change. If you want something in your life- how can you change to get it is you want? I do not mean a huge house or a sports car- but peace, happiness, health? There is always something we can do to attain our dreams- but they do not just happen. Support to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Today I turned 58.
I can't tell you how much your posts today have meant to me. Thank you for taking a moment and telling me your perspectives. I am at a crossroads in many ways. Your encouragement and support are literally priceless to me.
I can't tell you how much your posts today have meant to me. Thank you for taking a moment and telling me your perspectives. I am at a crossroads in many ways. Your encouragement and support are literally priceless to me.
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